My Neighbor's Friend
by memoriesofdarkness
Summary: Falling in love... you never know when it will happen, how it will happen. You may fall in love with someone who never even notices you. Or maybe with someone who's always been by your side, but you failed to notice them. For me, it happened on the 17th year of my life. When my crazy-as-fuck neighbor decided to visit their hometown after six years. And brought a friend along.
1. The Day We Met

**A/N:** So, I thought of writing a one-shot. But then the story kept going and going and going inside my head. And I'm so busy with exams that I don't even have time to write as much as I'd love to T.T Anyway, This chapter's been sitting in my computer for a month, and I'm tired of looking at it and not writing more :( So here it is!

Hopefully this will motivate me to write the rest.  
I might be late with updates. As I said before, exams are killing meee! T.T So, I'm saying sorry in advance :(  
But not to worry. Stick with me and eventually, we'll finish it! Hell yeah! ^_^

 **Summary:** Falling in love... you never know when it will happen, how it will happen. You may fall in love with someone who never even notices you. Or maybe with someone who's always been by your side, but you failed to notice them.

For me, it happened on the 17th year of my life. When my crazy-as-fuck neighbor decided to visit their hometown after six years. And brought a friend along.  
I am Eren Jaeger. And this is my love story.

 **Warning:** BoyxBoy, Yaoi

Enjoy!

* * *

"Hange's back?!" I shout first thing after entering through the front door.

My mom, being strict as always, shoots a glare at me that meant _'lower your voice, Eren'_ , then smiles. I swear I'm still trying to figure out how she can transform from a glaring villain to a loving mother in two seconds. It's like she has a switch inside her or something. Anyway, that's not the point here.

The point is, Hange is here! Oh, you're probably wondering why I'm so hyped about this Hange person. Let me elaborate. Hange Zoe has been my neighbor for as long as I can remember. And since my father mostly stayed away from the house (still does), they used to babysit me whenever mom had to go out. Doesn't mean they're super old though. I used to be around 6 and they were probably around 18. So yeah, 12 years. Not that old at all. And then, when I was around 11, Hange got a job offer in Stohess. It was probably an amazing opportunity because I remember everyone congratulating them a lot. And so, they left.

And now, after six fucking years, they decide to pay a visit!

I start setting up a plan in my mind how I'm gonna tackle them the moment we meet. Hange and I used to be really close, almost like friends. They never treated me like a kid, unlike others. But that was probably because I actually _listened_ to their wild and crazy scientific theories, while everyone else tried to run away. But still, they were the only friend I had before I met Mikasa and Armin.

I hurriedly stuff my mouth with food before turning on my heel to bolt out of the door.

"Eren!"

Dang! Almost made it!

I turn around, facing my mom. "Yes?"

She gives that angelic smile, which can either be very good or very bad.

"I hope I won't be hearing any complaint from the neighbors."

Yup. Very bad.

"Mom!" I whine, kind of. "I'm just going to greet them. It's not like we're strangers or anything."

"Alright. But Hange's brought a friend. So, behave yourself. I don't want their guest to feel unwelcome because of you."

What the-?

 _Hange's brought a friend?!_

Who the fuck would be crazy enough to be friends with them? Other than me of course. Shit! I gotta meet this _'friend'_ guy! I mean… if it's a guy. Or a girl… or like Hange … whatever. I gotta meet this person.

"Yeah yeah, I got it. Jeez! You make it sound like I'm some kind of savage!"

I see my mom shaking her head in laughter, and then, I disappear through the door.

* * *

I spot them from the other side of the road. Both of them, sitting on the lawn and chatting. And yes, it's a guy apparently. _The friend_ , if my guess is not wrong. I cross the road and walk over to their house to greet my long-time-no-see neighbor and their friend. Now that I look closely, I see Hange sitting on the grass with their legs stretched, and the other guy sitting on… a blanket? One of his legs is folded while the other is bent at the knee and propped up, his elbow resting on it.

I look around the lawn. It's pretty neat and clean. The house has been empty for years, so that's actually quite surprising. Did Hange clean it up in the morning? As far as I remember, they're not the kind of person to pay attention to things like 'mowing lawns'. Well, maybe they've changed. Who knows? But why's that other guy not sitting on the grass? I try peeking at his face. But he's looking away from me, at Hange. So I can't really make out how he looks either.

After standing there for a couple of minutes, I realize my actions are probably similar to a stalker's. So, I stop spying (I wasn't… well, maybe a little) and decide to call out to my crazy ass neighbor.

"Hange!"

Both of them stop talking and Hange turns their head right and left until finally noticing me at the gate. They look almost the same as before, just older. Dark brown hair tied into a messy ponytail, topaz eyes framed by square, thick-rimmed glasses glinting with wickedness, lips curled into a shit-eating grin. Wearing the usual grey V-neck t-shirt and black trousers. They bounce up on their feet and start waving at me frantically.

"Hey! Snotball!"

Oh no!

'Snotball' is apparently a nickname Hange invented for me while babysitting. Because, according to them, my real name is 'kinda boring' and also because they claim to have spent most of our time together wiping the snot from my nose.

In my defense, I loved the rain. Not my fault that I ended up catching a cold every fucking time.

I see the friend quirk an eyebrow at the nickname, and turn his head to look at the person it belongs to. Our eyes meet.

And I die.

Well, not literally. But if there was a way to kill somebody by the intensity of one's gaze, I'd definitely be dead. Because fucking hell! I have _never_ seen a guy so damn hot! Not your normal hot, the _'I'll-become-gay-for-you'_ kind of hot. And the fact that I'm already gay doesn't help the situation at all. I let my eyes roam over him. Pale skin, sharp nose, high cheekbones, thin lips. Ready to kiss… or bite. I don't mind either.

Whoa! I did _not_ just say that.

His eyes are like molten silver, burning me inside out. His hair, his goddamn soft as silk raven hair, is parted in the middle and trimmed in the back. Some of the strands hang loosely in front of his eyes, swaying with the slightest breeze. And I want nothing more than to run my fingers through them, to see if they're truly as soft as they look. But the look in his eyes is enough to let me know that I'll probably end up dead if I try.

I don't even notice when Hange comes up to me, not until they suddenly shove their face in my view. I yelp and back away.

Wow Eren! Very smooth!

They notice what (or who) got me distracted, then look back at me. And… is that a smirk?

I take another step back. Cautiously.

But then Hange pulls me into a hug and all my breath is knocked out. I struggle to get out of their death grip, and when I'm almost sure I'm gonna die from suffocation, they let me go. I stagger backwards, hands on my knees and panting.

I look up to see my newly harbored crush standing beside my neighbor. But as I straighten myself, I find my eyes looking down to meet his.

 _Is he… shorter than me?_

I realize I'm standing with my mouth wide open. I snap it shut immediately, my face turning red. He must have realized the reason for my sudden surprised expression, because his eyes become dangerously narrow. And if his look was frightening before, now it's menacing!

And no, that certainly _does not_ turn me on!

"How've you been Snotball?!" the name-calling brings me back to reality.

"Hange! Stop calling me that!" I object loudly, then mumble, "I'm not a kid anymore."

They laugh.

"Oh yeah. I can see that!"

And I suddenly become aware of a pair of silver eyes, looking directly at me. It makes me self-conscious about my own looks. My tousled brown hair, and weird green eyes. I take a peek at the man who's been stirring me up since the moment my eyes fell on his. He stands confidently. Clad in a perfectly fitting white shirt and black jacket, hands in the pockets of his light blue jeans. His eyes follow me from head to toe. I look down to find myself in faded jeans and a dark green hoodie, which I was most likely wearing yesterday too. And I don't even have to look to know that my hair is a mess. I discreetly try to sniff my underarms, praying silently that I don't smell as bad as I fear.

Fuck! Who knew Hange's friends with a fucking Adonis?!

Well, a _short_ Adonis, to be exact.

I-It's not like I'm trying to impress him or anything, but if I knew, I'd have at least tried to make myself more presentable.

"O-Kay!" Hange intervenes, and I release a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Time for introductions!"

"This", they point at me with their index finger, while looking at their friend. "is Snotball!"

"Hange!"

"Also known as Eren Jaeger."

I huff in irritation and look at the man I'm being introduced to. And he's fucking _smirking_. I look away, lips pressed together to show my annoyance.

"Now now Eren, don't you want to meet my precious guest?"

That gets my attention. Because I really do wanna know his name. So I look at them again. And surely enough, his smirk widens.

 _Damn you! You… you hot piece of ass!_

"Eren", this time Hange looks at me and points at him. "Meet Shorty!"

It takes me some time to process what I heard. And in that time, I see the smirk dissolve from his face, replaced by murderous rage. Suddenly I'm worried about Hange's life.

He shoots them a deadly glare, and I see with wide eyes as his fist lurches forward to hit them in the ribs.

"Also knows as", Hange continues to speak while dodging the punch effortlessly. "Levi Ackerman."

Levi Ackerman.

I've never had a name fetish before. Wait. Is that even a thing? But the moment I hear it, I know it's perfect. His name couldn't be anything else. And my lips start _itching_ to call out his name, to feel it on my lips, too see how he responds.

 _Levi._

 _Levi._

 _Levi._

Fuck! I said the last one out loud, didn't I?

Honestly speaking, I feel kinda uncomfortable. This is the first time I'm meeting this guy, and I already feel weak in the knees. I've never felt so strongly for someone on the first encounter. It's an unknown feeling. And it scares me. But it's not in my nature to run away from what I fear. Rather, I prefer to face it head on. Which means I just have to wait and see how things go from here.

I smile casually and stretch my hand forward.

"Hello."

He looks at me, then at my hand. He looks uncertain, as if not sure what to do. Then sighs and takes my hand, shaking it briefly before pulling away.

"Hey."

No, no! Eren, get a grip! His voice may be sexy as hell, but you cannot start drooling!

And he's uttered only one word! The fuck's wrong with me!

My eyes must have mirrored a look of insecurity or fear, because I see him shake his head and sigh.

"Relax kid. I don't bite."

Oh! I don't think I'll mind if you do.

I'm fairly certain my cheeks have taken the color of rose. He stares at me, lips curving slightly upward before he speaks again.

"Except those who sneak up on their neighbor and their friend to play James Bond."

Wait what?

 _To play… James Bond?_

Fuck! Fuck! Fucking shit! He noticed me when I was watching them.

He noticed.

 _He. Noticed._

Please, please, please! Let me bury myself under the ground. Damn! This _cannot_ be happening!

And then, my brain processes the whole sentence.

" _I don't bite,_ _ **except those**_ _who sneak up on their neighbor and their friend to play James Bond."_

He cannot be hitting on me, right? I mean, we just met like a few minutes ago.

I'm about to open my mouth to reply when Hange starts laughing.

"Stop teasing him Levi", they punch his arm playfully. "He's just getting to know you."

Levi glares at them for a moment before taking a few steps away from their reach. "The sooner the better, I suppose", he adds smugly.

"At this rate, you're gonna scare him away."

"Why? He's not a kid anymore." He looks at me from the corner of his eyes, lips forming that sexy smirk again. "Isn't that what he claimed a while ago?"

I fidget nervously as my eyes shift from him to Hange, then to him again. To my surprise, he takes a step forward. Then another. And I find myself taking a step back. He senses my discomfort and stops on his track, eyes studying me intently. I squirm under his gaze, eyes darting towards the ground.

"Besides", he starts again. "He's cute."

It would be an understatement to say I raise my head, because my head snaps upward so fast that it's a miracle my neck is still in one piece. And is there a limit to how much one can blush? Because as far as I remember, my cheeks haven't lost the rosy tint since the moment I met him.

I hear a whistle and turn my head to see Hange grinning madly and clapping their hands. Somehow I have a bad feeling about this.

"A-ha!" Their voice is so loud that I'm a little worried even my mom on the other side of the road might hear them. "I knew it! I knew you'd like him!"

Wait… _like_ me?

What is going on?!

"Uhm… Am I missing something?" I ask Hange while fumbling with the laces of my hoodie.

They wink at me, then press their index finger over their lips.

"It's a secret", I hear them whisper.

"Stupid four eyes", Levi mutters. His voice sounds amused.

What have I gotten myself into?

* * *

 **A/N:** So, how was it? Let me know!

Thanks for reading~


	2. What Are You Doing to Me?

**A/N:** Yay! Chapter 2 is up! XD

 **Chapter Summary:** Watching movies and a sleepless night.

* * *

"Oi brat, pass the popcorn."

Ah, yes. That's Levi calling me. Don't ask me how I degraded from 'cute' to 'brat'. Fuck if I know how his brain works!

After that awkward conversation in front of the gate, Hange dragged me inside the house, yelling "MOVIE TIME!"

And no, nobody bothered asking for my consent.

We made ourselves comfortable on the couch while Hange brought the popcorn, then flooded the rest of the couch with their movie collection.

"What are you, an ancient moron?" Levi muttered.

Hange raised an eyebrow at him. He huffed. "Who the fuck watches VCD these days?!"

"Hey! Don't insult my babies!"

Levi grimaced at the mess in front of him, but started going through each of the CDs. I joined him. And from the corner of my eye, I saw Hange sitting on the carpet. Legs folded, elbows on the knees and chin resting on their intertwined fingers. They watched us with a huge grin, eyes sparkling with a predatory gleam. I heard Levi mutter something under his breath, something about 'damn Hange' and 'no fucking sense of hygiene'. But I could be wrong.

We made small talk while searching for a movie to watch. I learned that Levi is, in fact, Hange's colleague. Both of them work in the same department in some advertisement company. And the CEO, Erwin Smith – nicknamed _'Shitty eyebrows'_ by Levi and _'Blondie'_ by Hange – is also their friend. Together they are called the 'weird trio'.

"Fucking lazy assholes! Got nothing better to do than give us names", Levi retorted.

I barely stopped myself from reminding him that he does the same.

I also learned that Levi's apparently a clean freak. That explains why he was sitting on a blanket in the lawn earlier. I chuckled.

What? It's kinda cute…

Hange asked about mom and dad. I told them things are the same as before, with dad being less 'in' and more 'away', and mom being… mom. Levi listened quietly, never saying a word. And I was thankful for that. The last thing I wanted now was to have someone pity me for my family issues. They both understood my uneasiness and changed the topic. I told them about Armin and Mikasa, and others. Hange seemed genuinely happy to know that I've made some good friends.

I asked Hange why they hadn't visited all these years. They smiled and said that this place reminded them of their parents. I bit my tongue. Hange's parents died when I was around 10. Too young to understand the gravity of the situation. I remember often seeing Hange sitting on the lawn and staring up at the sky after their death. The usual cheerful smile was gone, replaced by a distant look my childish mind couldn't fathom.

 _I remember sitting by their side and staring at the sky together with them, without speaking a single word. We spent months like that, until one day Hange put their arms around me and cried. And I could only sit still while my shirt got soaked with their tears._

Hange noticed my guilty look and placed a kiss on my cheek. We smiled.

"Okay shitheads! Enough drama for one day." Levi's words lightened the mood instantly. Hange let out a short laugh, patting him on the shoulder. I glanced at him, mouthing a silent 'thank you', and he nodded. He wasn't smiling, but there was something affectionate in his eyes. Something that made me feel all warm inside.

I turned to Hange. "So are you here on some business?"

They laughed. "Not really. This guy here", they pointed to Levi, "thinks I should, what was it again? Yeah, 'wipe my ass off of shitty memories and get a fucking life'! So here I am, fulfilling his majesty's wish."

I laughed at the choice of words, but the concern hidden within them didn't go past me. I looked at Levi with a newfound admiration. He noticed me staring at him and rolled his eyes.

"Brat, don't look at me like I'm your fucking Prince Charming."

Did I say I admire him? I take that back.

My face flushed bright red and I fumbled with the CDs to make myself busy with anything I could reach. He obviously saw through it. Hell, even a blind man would see through it. But thankfully, he chose to say nothing more. We resumed sorting the movies.

And that's how all three of us ended up watching 'Vertigo', because apparently Levi has a thing for classics and thrillers (and for Hitchcock, if Hange isn't joking). We're halfway through the movie already, and Madeleine is running up the Bell Tower, when Levi asks for the popcorn. And let me tell you, this is the first time I'm seeing someone eat popcorn with chopsticks. Why? Because his hands will get dirty.

I lower myself to get the bowl of popcorn from Hange's lap, who somehow finds it more comfortable to sit on the carpet, with their head against the couch. When I straighten myself, I dart my eyes towards Levi and see his eyes focused on something behind me. He senses my gaze on him and stiffens, then looks directly at me, eyes challenging. I simply shrug and thrust the bowl on his lap before returning to the movie.

What was that about? First he looks like I caught him doing something inappropriate. Then he fucking throws me a challenging look. What was he doing anyway?

Hold on!

He wasn't… staring at my ass, right?!

My head snaps in his direction and I know I'm staring at him with eyes as wide as the bowl on his lap. He doesn't even look at me. Just lets a lazy smirk adorn his lips. Then slowly, he picks up a single popcorn with his chopsticks and brings it to his lips. His eyes lock with mine as he opens his mouth and pushes it inside, lips closing around the sticks.

I gulp.

Satisfied with my reaction, he returns his gaze to the screen and resumes his popcorn consumption as if nothing happened just now.

I shake my head and turn back to the movie, but I can't concentrate. My mind feels restless. What's going on? What the hell is wrong with me?

 _Focus on the movie!_ I try scolding my brain.

But despite all efforts, my thoughts keep circling around one raven haired stranger, currently occupying the seat beside me, completely oblivious to the storm he's causing in my heart.

* * *

It's 1:37 in the morning. And I've been miserably failing to fall asleep for the past two hours. Why? Because I can't get the thoughts of a certain someone out of my head. My eyes feel tired, my whole body feels tired. But each time I close my eyes, that stupidly gorgeous face with that sinfully sexy smirk invades my mind. Fuck! I feel like a lovesick school girl.

No, you did _not_ hear me say that!

After failing the umpteenth attempt at falling asleep, I kick my blankets away and get out of bed. My room is how an average student's room is supposed to be. Neither too big, nor too small. The walls are painted white which can barely be seen under the tons of posters, mostly of my favorite band 'Recon Corps'. Have you heard them? They're awesome! There's Olou Bozado, the drummer. For some reason he keeps biting his tongue while playing. It's fucking hilarious! Then there's Gunther Schultz who plays the keyboard. And Eld Jinn is the most badass bassist ever! Mike Zacharias used to be their lead guitarist and vocal, but he left the band some time ago. I heard they've recently got a new member, who's probably gonna be the lead vocal from now on. I wonder when they'll introduce the new guy!

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, my room.

So, as I said. My room is quite average. There isn't a lot of furniture either. Just a bed on one side, a reading desk next to it and a rocking chair beside the window. But of course, like any other high school student, my room is too small for my possessions. Mom will say that's because I leave everything scattered around my room. Maybe Mikasa and Armin too, if you ask them. And it might be true that my books are piled up at different places on the floor and that if I open my closet, there's a chance of all my clothes tumbling down like an avalanche. But don't listen to them.

I walk towards the door in my room, then turn and walk back to my bed. I repeat this motion for a while, thinking what I should do. Fresh air. Yes, that's what I need. Nothing like a late night walk in the lawn to clear my head. With my mind made up, I get out of my room and tiptoe across the hallway towards the main door. The lights are off, but I know my way around fairly well not to trip over anything.

I still remember the first time I attempted this kind of escapade. I was much younger, around 14 maybe. It was mid-summer and my room was too stuffy. So I decided to get outside and cool down a bit. It was midnight. I almost made it to the front door when suddenly my left foot clashed with something.

Bang!

Yeah, apparently I'd forgotten that mom had moved the couch just the day before. What happened after that? Well, you get the picture. I even tried to play it off as sleepwalking, but of course, that didn't work. So, after that utterly humiliating effort, I tried to pay more attention the next time. As a result, I got caught red-handed the second time. The third time I actually managed to slip out. But accidentally, I got locked outside the house until my mom found out I was missing and opened the door to get out and search for me.

So you see, I've had my share of experiences. And that's what brings me to the present where I – by now a pro at sneaking out – open the front door without the slightest sound and carefully step outside. I close the door slowly, leaving a small crack so it doesn't get locked from the inside.

Mission accomplished!

I walk down the three steps of stairs that elevate my house from the ground, and let my feet touch the soft grass. I close my eyes and inhale, then take a step forward. The grass is moist. Probably due to the fog. I've come out without any shoes, but the slight dampness under my feet actually feels good. I decide to walk around aimlessly for a while. The chilly weather makes my teeth clatter. Fuck! I should've brought my hoodie, or perhaps a jacket. Speaking of jacket, wasn't Levi wearing one today? Yeah, a black one. Man! He looked so damn good in it.

Oh no! Why am I thinking about him again?!

I walk towards the fence that separates our house from the street. I look ahead. Hange's house is right across the street. From this distance, I can even see which rooms are lit and which are dark. My heartbeat increases.

 _He's just on the other side of the road. I could go and take a peek._

I shake my head at the absurd thought. As if I wasn't being creepy enough already! Now I wanna stalk my mystery man. Shit! That sounded like a line from some cheap teenage drama.

 _Okay, cool down. He's a hot guy and you're attracted to him. That's normal. Happens to everybody. Right?_

 _Right. No need to overthink. Just calm down and go back to your room._

I'm just about to turn around when I see it. A window. Wide open. The room inside looks bright. Fluorescent lights probably. But these are not the things that capture my eyes. In front of the window, a figure stands. Their hands gripping the window frame and their head bowed down. The person stands facing me, but the light is on their back, so I can't quite make out who it is. I look around myself. I'm standing in a fairly shaded area where the street lights can't reach. So they probably can't see me. I keep staring at the figure and wonder who it could be. Hange? Or… him?

The person turns their head to the side, and finally, their face is revealed.

It's Levi.

What's he doing this late at night? Could it be that he's also having trouble sleeping? I watch as he slowly drags his left hand to his temple, fingers massaging the skin there. His eyes are closed. The bright light illuminates only part of his face. But even from this distance, I can sense that something's wrong. I can't quite put my finger on it. Somehow he looks so sad and… beaten. What in the world happened? He seemed fairly pleased this afternoon. Then why?

Well, to be honest, a lot of things could have happened. I've only met him recently, so of course I wouldn't know. Still, I feel an unfamiliar tug in my heart. Like his sadness is seeping into me. I feel this strange need to go over there and comfort him. I don't understand. I've been attracted to men before. But this is the first time I'm feeling this sort of… _protectiveness_ towards someone. And I barely know him.

The intensity of my own emotions frightens me. And being the coward that I am, I quickly flee the situation, leaving a gloomy and distressed Levi behind.

I stride inside my room and lie down. I put a hand over my heart. It's still beating fast. I pull the blankets over my head, isolating myself from the rest of the world, from Levi. Hoping that these confusing emotions will leave me alone. But they just get tangled even more, until eventually I give up on trying to fall asleep and stare at the ceiling. The image of a sad stranger with eyes like liquid metal engulfs my mind.

Why does it feel like I'm the one who's hurting?

* * *

 **A/N:** Writing Hange is so much fun! Their reactions are so interesting, and any conversation between Levi and Hange turns into a shit load of entertainment. Btw, Levi/Hange is my BROTP! Just look at them! They are destined to be BFFs!

Thanks for reading! Let me know how this chapter was. Also, feel free to give me suggestions ^^

I'm thinking of using other POVs too at some point. I think it'll help to understand the whole story better. What do you guys think?


	3. Armin and Mikasa

**A/N:** Oh wow! I'm finally uploading the 3rd chapter. Thanks to you guys for being patient and waiting for the updates ^_^

 **Chapter Summary:** It's a school day. How about I introduce you to my two BFFs? And you never know, a certain raven haired prince might show up too! ;)

* * *

"What's wrong, Eren? You look tired."

We're in the school cafeteria where I'm currently being investigated by a mushroom haired self-proclaimed detective. Meet Armin Arlert, one of my two best friends. I met him in my 2nd year of junior high, a transfer student from Trost district. His parents died in a car crash and he came to Shiganshina to live with his grandfather. I still remember the first day he came to school. Some of the older kids were bullying him because of his long hair, and I, being the temperamental idiot that I am, jumped in to fight them. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't trying to be a hero or anything, although Mikasa would disagree. We both would've gotten our ass kicked then and there if not for her.

Wait, don't tell her I said that!

Anyway, so that's Armin Arlert for you. Round face, baby blue eyes, and a headful of blond curls. When not in school, you'll usually find him in his house, flopped down on the corner of his grandpa's couch, reading books. Don't ask me how a nerd like him became friends with me. Even I don't know that. The only time he does get out is when he's meeting me or Mikasa, school being one of those times. To be completely honest, Armin doesn't actually need to be in the same class as Mikasa and I. He's quite a genius and can easily get a double promotion, maybe even graduate early. But for some reason he says he likes it better here, spending time with us. Well, who are we to complain!

I'm pulled away from my thoughts when I feel a pair of cerulean eyes glaring at me.

I try forcing out a smile. It probably doesn't seem convincing enough. Because Armin cocks his head at me, eyebrows raised. The heavy glasses he wears all the time slides down the slope of his nose, and he holds them in place with his pointer finger to prevent further slanting. I start fidgeting under his scrutinizing gaze, eyes darting to the floor. I shift my head, looking at anywhere but him. Man! Sometimes I feel like this guy can read me inside out like one of his books.

"Eren…" his voice carries a hint of warning.

"Alright, alright!" I raise both my hands in surrender. "I couldn't sleep."

Armin is about to say something, when I see Mikasa approaching us. And I look at him with pleading eyes, silently asking not to pursue this topic further now that she's here. He seems to understand and nods. But his eyes send me a look that tells me I'm probably gonna have a long conversation with him later on.

Well, fuck me!

While we're at this topic, let me tell you a little about my other best friend. I became friends with Mikasa Ackerman a year before I met Armin.

Wait, _Ackerman_? What the actual fuck?! How come I didn't notice before! Are they related somehow? Damn! I gotta find out!

But first, let me finish my story.

Where was I again? Oh, yes. Mikasa's parents are somehow acquaintances of my parents. Also, our houses are on the same street. So when we got into the same junior high school, they kind of made us go to school and come back home together. At first, it was quite annoying. I grumbled and protested, but of course, that didn't work. So I tried ignoring her. It was much easier. She was usually a pretty quiet girl, immersed in her own thoughts. Even while going to school or coming back, she'd just say 'Hello' and 'See you' and I'd nod in response. That's how it would've continued, if not for that day when she came bursting through our door shortly after returning from school, her eyes swollen and red from crying. My dad was as usual away, and mom had gone to the market. And even though I used to ignore her all the time, I didn't really hate her. So naturally, I got worried seeing her like that. I wasn't really sure what to do. Hell, I was barely a teen. A thirteen year old boy with no notable friends, and on the edge of discovering his own sexuality. Life was confusing as fuck for me.

So I did what I used to do whenever Hange came around. I took her to my room. She was shivering from the cold weather. So I wrapped my red muffler around her neck and tried to smile reassuringly. "It'll keep you warm", I said sitting beside her on the bed. She touched the muffler, took a sniff, then intertwined her fingers with mine. And finally, she relaxed. When my mom returned, she found us sleeping. Her head on my shoulder and my head resting on top of hers, our hands still joined. I later learned that Mikasa's parents were killed in a house robbery, and when she went home from school that day, she'd discovered their corpses. Stabbed to death, both of them. That explained why she'd looked so broken and wrecked at that time. And since that day, Mikasa became my shadow. She moved to a different area, living with her uncle Kenny now. But she'd follow me everywhere, not once even trying to speak to me. It was getting kinda awkward actually, being followed around and not talking. So I decided to try and make her open up about herself. And soon after we started conversing, I discovered that she was quite an amazing person. She knew both English and Japanese, was a black belt in Karate, and she loved to sing when nobody was there to listen. Slowly, Mikasa became used to talking to me, and for the first time after Hange, I'd found a genuine friend.

It's not like I'm uncomfortable with Mikasa or anything. I adore her, really. It's just that she's a little too overprotective and hot-headed when it comes to Armin or me. The same news that Armin will take normally, she'll fuss over it for who knows how long. Besides, at this point, even I don't know what's going on with me. There's no need to trouble her unnecessarily. What I need now is some wise advice, and I think Armin is better suited for that.

Mikasa reaches the table Armin and I am currently occupying. She's wearing a plain white shirt with sleeves rolled up to her elbows and black skinny jeans. The red muffler is wrapped around her neck. Pulling the chair across us, she settles herself down, dropping her heavy backpack on the table with a thud. She notices that we've suddenly stopped talking and looks at us questioningly, her obsidian eyes narrowing. And guess what? Her usual long black hair is cut short to chin-length.

"You cut your hair!" Armin says before I can.

"Yeah", she replies in a bored voice. "It was getting in the way of my Karate practice."

"But you can just tie them in a ponytail, or I don't know, pull them in a bun!"

"Armin", I laugh. "You look like she's cut off your hair instead of her own."

"No, I just…" he mumbles. "I liked her long hair."

I burst out laughing. Mikasa joins, but her laughter is more restrained than mine. Armin has this thing for long hair, be it girls or guys, and he's told only us about it. And being the amazing friends that we are, we never miss a chance to tease him for it.

"I should never have told you guys", he mutters.

And that only makes us laugh harder.

* * *

I'm rushing past the library towards my last class of the day, when I hear a familiar voice calling my name. I glance up to see Hange waving their hand frantically and running towards me, followed by a scowling Levi. My heart jumps at his sight, the memories of last night still fresh in my mind.

Shit! That totally sounded wrong.

I shake my head and wave back at Hange who's now halted in front of me, hands on their knees, taking long and deep breaths. Levi looks at them with annoyed eyes, lips still curled up into a frown. It's funny how his face remains the same, while his eyes glint with emotion. I've just met him, so I don't quite get them all. But I suppose I'm starting to understand a little. The glares and annoyed stares are easy to pick up. But the way those eyes shimmer with quiet amusement, or how the cold gaze somehow becomes a little less cold when he's happy. I feel a fluttering in my stomach when I observe those slight details. Like I've somehow discovered a hidden treasure. Or unlocked a chest full of mysteries.

God! I sound so cheesy. What have you done to me Levi Ackerman?

I realize I've been staring at him for longer than what should be deemed appropriate and my cheeks flush hot. He doesn't seem to notice though. He's not even looking at me. So averting my eyes quickly, I focus on Hange.

"What brings you here?"

"Well", they start in a cheery voice. "We were getting kinda bored, so I hauled Shorty out of the house."

"You mean, _you_ were getting kinda bored." Levi intervenes.

"Oh come on Levi!" Hange crouches in front of him and squints their eyes, lips stretched in a huge grin. "I know you were too. You're just too stuck up to admit it."

"Fuck you."

"Naah! Not interested."

"Alright guys", I cut them off before they both get carried away. "No need to fight."

"Yes Levi", Hange imitates me. "No need to fight."

I laugh. He glares.

"Oh Eren!", Hange screeches suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Since we're here already, why don't you show us around your school?"

I look at Levi. He's looking away from me, observing a group of students passing by.

"Uh... well, I kinda have a class right no- Oh shit! What's the time?!"

Hange glances at their watch. "3:15, why?"

"Fuck!" I curse out loud. Some of the kids turn their head to look at me curiously. I lower my voice to a furious whisper. "Shadis won't let me in now!"

"What are you saying Eren?"

Great! I'm talking to myself in front of Hange and Levi.

"Oh, nothing", I try to explain. "My class started fifteen minutes ago, and the professor doesn't let anyone in who's more than five minutes late."

"Oops! Sorry. Looks like we got you in trouble."

Yeah right! Hange doesn't look like they're sorry at all.

"It's fine", I can't find myself to feel angry. If anything, I feel happy that I get to spend time with Levi instead of surviving Shadis's lecture. "I'll get the notes from Armin. It was my last class anyway."

"Wow! Snotty's bunking class!"

"Don't even try to put this on me Hange!" I laugh. "I'm late because of you."

Hange winks. "So, now that you're free, you can show us around!"

I glance at Levi. He's looking out to the school field, hands in his pocket, face devoid of any expression. He seems quieter than usual. And he hasn't looked at me even once. Neither has he spoken a word to me. A voice in the back of my head tells me he's avoiding me. But that's silly, no? He was fine with me yesterday!

Maybe he's shy? No, that's absurd too. We were strangers yesterday, and yet he was so bold with every action. It must be something else.

"Levi", I decide to take the initiative. "Hey…"

The fuck Eren! _"Hey…"_? Seriously?!

He doesn't even spare me a glance. Just a nod of head to show his acknowledgement. My smile falters.

Hange huffs exasperatedly. "Shorty's been in a foul mood since last night."

I was fully expecting a glare, or some kind of ruthless retort. But to my surprise, he says nothing. As if he didn't hear anything at all. Somehow, I feel irritated. What's the meaning of acting so high and mighty all of a sudden? Why won't he meet my eyes? Why won't he speak to me?

 _Why are you avoiding me?_ – is what I wanna say. But of course, I can't.

Well, maybe he isn't avoiding me. Maybe he's just having a bad day. Maybe I'm too caught up in my own emotions. Yes, that must be it. Just because I'm focusing all my attention on him doesn't mean he is too. Maybe this isn't about me at all.

I should feel relieved if that's the case. And I do. But I also feel a bit disappointed. A tiny part of me wishes it _was_ about me. Wishes that he's thinking about me too.

Aargh! I was a perfectly normal teenager yesterday. And now I've turned into this hyperventilating teenage girl like they show in shoujo manga, getting worked up about every tiny details of her first crush. Pathetic!

"C'mon guys. I'll show you around." I decide to push my thoughts aside and focus on the moment for now. "Although Hange should know most of it already."

"Aww, don't be like that!" they whine. "It's been six years since I even saw the shadow of this place!"

I sigh. Hange is a handful as always. Not that I mind. It's actually good, because this way I can keep myself distracted from those weird thoughts.

I give them a tour of the whole school, starting from the library since we're already here. I always knew Hange's a bookworm. So it's no surprise that they start pouting when I say they can't get inside without an ID. And I have to drag Hange to the other side of the building, stopping whenever I find any place worth mentioning, then moving on again. To my disappointment, Levi follows without a word. Never asking a question, never showing any interest. Finally when we're in the school field, and I'm asking Hange to stay away from the Soccer team who are practicing nearby, I take a peek at him out of the corner of my eye. He seems relaxed somehow, as he stares up at the open sky. His eyes look like they're searching for something beyond his reach. There are dark circles under them, a sign of sleeplessness. For how long has he been sleep deprived? I feel an ache deep in my heart, a pain that seeps through my veins and reaches under my skin. And all I wanna do right now is take that exquisite face between my hands and stroke those bags under his eyes with my thumbs. But all of that is just for a moment. I don't know if he feels my gaze on him or not, but suddenly his posture straightens. He tightens his jaw and the icy glare returns to his eyes.

And even through all of that, he never meets my eyes.

* * *

 **A/N:** Armin is one of my most favorite characters in SnK (after Levi of course!). I feel like he's underestimated most of the time, and even to the fans, he's so underrated. But if you see closely, his plans have always proved to be useful and beneficial. He's an amazing character, overshadowed by Eren most of the time due to his lack of physical abilities. But nobody can even come close to his intellect! He gets nervous easily, but he's calm and level-headed while analyzing a situation and he always comes up with a solution.

Mikasa... well, what can I say! She's bold, she's badass, she's amazing actually. My only objection, she's way too obsessed with Eren. I don't know if it's because I ship Ereri, but I somehow find her obsession a little too unhealthy. Not that I hate Eremika. But it would be better if she focused on her other friends a bit more and not just "Eren!"

Ahh... I rambled a lot! Hope I didn't bore you XP  
And as always, thank you for reading! ^_^


	4. The Ackermans

**A/N:** Heyyy! I'm back with another chapter! XD

 **Chapter Summary:** The two Ackermans meet each other. Does that solve things or create more mysteries?

Enjoy! ^_^

* * *

I've intentionally stayed away from the section of the building where my own class is still going on. There are still 10 more minutes to go and I certainly don't wanna run into Shadis after the class. I can already imagine what he'll say if that happens.

" _Jaeger! What has your useless ass been doing for the past hour?! Because if you think you can get away with bunking my class and fooling around, you've got a shitstorm coming your way, you worthless piece of twat!"_

Nope, definitely don't need that right now.

"Hange, you wanna grab something to eat?" I shout at them. "We could sit in the cafeteria until Armin and Mikasa are back."

"Not hygienic," a certain someone replies before Hange can say anything.

 _Oh! So you're talking to me now, are you?_

"Huh?!" I ask him, not really understanding what he means.

"Tch!" He clicks his tongue, looking annoyed. And I might be in an emotional crisis over this guy right now, but that certainly doesn't stop me from appreciating his attractiveness.

Because damn! That was sexy as hell!

"Cafeteria food is unhealthy as fuck", he continues. "And god knows when they properly cleaned that place last time. It's as good as going to a rat infested island and eating shit!"

Okay. I don't even know whether to laugh or cry.

Luckily, Hange saves me from replying. "It's fine Eren. We had lunch before coming here. You can go ahead if you want to though."

"Nah. I did too, just before you guys came."

I look at my watch. 4:05 pm. The class should be over by now. Which means, Armin and Mikasa will be here any minute.

Just as I start looking around for them, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I take it out. And surely enough, it's Mikasa. She's probably worried why I missed my class and ready to badger me with her lectures. So as soon as I pick up, I start speaking before she can.

"Before you start scolding me, there's someone I want you both to meet."

" _Eren-"_

"Mika, I promise I'll listen to your lecture after this, but for now just come to the field. And bring Armin!"

"… _Fine."_

I sigh, putting the phone back in my pocket.

Hange laughs. "Good to see someone who can put you on a leash."

"Yeah, like my mother wasn't enough." I grimace. But then the look on their face sets an alarm in my head. "No, don't say another word!"

Hange presses their index finger over their lips, still grinning widely.

I turn to look at Levi, who's been silent throughout the whole conversation. And for a moment, it feels like he quickly turns his eyes away from me. But I could be wrong.

I don't know anymore.

"Eren!"

I turn around hearing Armin's voice. He's walking across the field towards us, Mikasa beside him. She looks at our direction and I see a look of shock on her face, but it's gone as soon as it comes. I look behind myself to find Hange waving and grinning at them, and Levi watching them with the same bored expression. But his fists are curled at his sides. Somehow he seems a bit edgy, even though his face betrays nothing.

When I turn back, Mikasa and Armin are in front of me. I step aside to let them meet Hange and Levi.

"You guys know about Hange already", I smile sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head.

"Hello Hange", Armin extends his hand. "Eren kinda tore our ears off talking about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet in person."

Hange laughs. "I tear people's ears off talking about him too. Ask this guy", they point at Levi.

"Oh right", I cut them off. "He's Hange's friend– "

"Levi", Mikasa says calmly.

"Mikasa", Levi replies, equally calm.

I stare at them, wide eyed.

 _So they do know each other!_

"Ahh…uhm…", I try to get the words out of my mouth. But for some reason my tongue has forgotten how to produce any legible sound.

"You guys know each other?!" Hange asks instead. I watch as their gaze alternates between the two Ackermans, gleaming with curiosity.

"…"

"…"

Great! The 'awkward silence' scene is playing now.

"Mikasa?" this time Armin interjects.

"He's…" she hesitates for a moment. "…a distant relative."

I watch Mikasa, then Levi. It looks like they've started a staring contest, eyes fixed on each other. Not blinking, not wavering. The tension in the air is so thick, it's almost tangible.

So, Hange and Mikasa both are my friends. Levi is Hange's friend. And Mikasa and Levi are distant relatives. Who are not in very good terms, as it seems. Ugh! Why is everyone related to everyone?! Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll find out Armin is somehow Hange's second cousin or something.

My head hurts.

"Well, that was a nice surprise", I hear Armin say, trying to break the tension. Hange nods their head enthusiastically.

"Hahah…" I try to laugh, but all I manage to do is sound like I suddenly have stomach ache.

"So how long are you guys staying?" the question is directed at Hange. "We could show you around."

Oh Armin! You're a life saver!

"Actually, we're leaving tomorrow."

Wait, what?

I stare at Hange disbelievingly. They can't be serious, right? I mean, I just met them yesterday after so long! And… if Hange's going, that means–

 _Levi!_

"Hange, don't be silly! You can't leave so soon!" I blurt out, panic taking over my mind. My body feels numb, except a foreign feeling of dread sitting at the pit of my stomach.

"Sorry Eren", Hange looks at me, eyes apologetic. "We could only take three days off from work, and Stohess is quite a long way from here. So…"

"But–"

Hange pinches my cheeks to cut me off, then ruffles my hair. They squint their eyes as their lips curve into a genuine smile.

No more words are needed.

So they really are leaving. It's not like I don't understand their situation. They have their own lives there, and this was just a short visit for Hange to make peace with their past. And Levi, he just happened to come with her. My meeting Levi was just a coincidence, nothing more. It's too foolish to think that this was all destiny. That somehow it was meant to happen.

And yet, looking at him right now, I can't help but wish that it was. Because I've never met a guy who's enamored me this much in such a short time. Sure I was attracted to his looks at first. I mean, come on! Who wouldn't be? But that's not all. The person I've seen in these two days is more than just good looks and sexy smirks. More than those snide remarks and an awful sense of humor. I know it's too little time to get to know someone. But even in this short period, I've seen a lot of things.

I've seen a friend. Who helped his friend free themselves from the pain of past memories. I've seen a stranger. Who has a crude mouth and a sharp sense of cleanliness. Who – even though he knew nothing about me – listened to my banter and was surprisingly considerate. And I've seen a mysterious man. Who stands before the window in the middle of the night and stares at the open sky with wistful eyes.

And now, I want more. I want to know more. I want to be more. More than just a friend of a friend, or a friend of a distant relative.

 _More than a friend even._

He must have felt the longing look I've been giving him, because suddenly his eyes are on mine. They're cold. Colder than a snowstorm. And sharp. Like a knife. His gaze pierces through my chest, stabbing my heart, sending a tingling feeling rushing through my blood. There's a warning in those eyes. Something that tells me I should stay away. But all it does is entice me even more.

* * *

The next hour is spent chitchatting. Well, mostly Armin and Hange carrying out a conversation, me watching Levi, Levi watching nothing in particular, and Mikasa watching the both of us. Then, when the sky is taking up the orange hue of the setting sun, we decide it's time to leave. We hop on our feet, brushing the dirt from our clothes that's gathered due to sitting on the ground. Except Levi, of course. He never sat down in the first place, walking around aimlessly while the rest of us sat in a circle and conversed. Something about not getting his clothes filthy. Well, since it's him, I suppose that's expected.

I pull the straps of my backpack over my shoulders, Armin and Mikasa doing the same. Their houses are on different areas. So this is where we part ways. I say goodbye to them. Hange does the same. And Levi, well, he makes a grunting noise that could be interpreted in a thousand ways. But for now, we decide it's probably some kind of farewell. Mikasa nods at them, while Armin is as cheerful as ever, asking them to visit again. And then, when we're ready to go, I see Armin eyeing me discretely. A look that I know very well.

" _We need to talk. Don't forget!"_ – is what he means. I groan inwardly as I remember this morning's events once again. I hoped he'd forget. But apparently, that doesn't seem to be the case.

Well, I guess it can't hurt to hear his thoughts.

Now then, time to go home.

"Eren."

Or not.

I turn around. It's Mikasa this time. I sigh loudly, irritation clearly visible. She remains unfazed though, used to my reactions after all these years. Her eyes study me carefully before she speaks.

"Call me tonight." Her eyes flicker towards Levi for a brief moment. "We need to talk."

What the–?!

Not Mikasa too!

I hear someone snicker behind me. And sure enough, Hange is shaking with poorly concealed laughter. They're probably thinking how I'm gonna get scolded by my friend for missing today's class. I bite back a retort that almost gets past my lips. No use getting angry at either of them. Because Mikasa won't even bat an eyelash. And Hange. If anything, they'll be even more amused.

Such a bizarre collection of friends I have.

I shake my thoughts away and mutter a small 'okay'. And as expected, it brings another bout of laughter from Hange, which I conveniently choose to ignore.

"Oi, four eyes!" to my surprise, Levi speaks. Probably for the fourth or fifth time today. "Shut your damn trap already."

Hange of course, laughs harder than before, but controls themselves soon after. And by control I mean tightly pressing their lips and far too occasionally trembling with mirth. What else can you expect from Hange? At least they're silent now.

I let out a breath. This was one hell of a weird day. I glance towards Levi – hoping to thank him for saving me from further embarrassment – only to frown in disappointment.

He's looking away. Again.

* * *

 **A/N:** I just had to add that little bit of Shadis in the beginning. That guy was so much fun to watch in SnK and if you're up to date with the manga, you know the importance of his character in later arcs!

And Levi's pain-in-the-ass behavior will continue for a few chapters I'm afraid. Why, you'll know in time! ;)

I hope you're all enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it! Thanks for reading! ^^


	5. Invitation: Part 1

**Chapter Summary:** Hange and Levi are invited to Eren's house.

* * *

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanna stay and run away at the same time? You know, like when you accidentally steal a look into a deserted classroom and find two of your seniors getting each other off.

Okay, that was a bad example. But you get my point, right?

What I'm trying to say is I'm facing such a predicament right now. Why? Because of these two persons currently accompanying me. One being completely insane, as always. And another enduring that insanity while venting his anger silently, but unquestionably. In fact, I'm willing to bet his eyes will start shooting ice needles any second. And as much as I'm smitten with him, I don't wanna be on the receiving end when that happens.

We're currently standing inside a convenience store, me standing awkwardly and glancing at Levi ever so often, who is leaning against the side of the counter. One knee bent and propped up against the wall, fingers tapping restlessly against his thigh and eyes following a certain someone with murderous rage. Said someone – who is the main reason we are at the present situation right now – is running around the whole store with enthusiasm unknown to be possessed by any other human. I watch helplessly as they run from shelf to shelf, eyeing every piece of merchandise with interest, inspecting them, and then moving on to another. They don't even bother to take a look at us. And I stand here, listening to Levi mutter endless string of curses under his breath.

I didn't even know someone can create so many swearing words just by using the word 'shit'. I start counting in my head.

Shithead.

Shitstain.

Shithole.

Shitty brains.

Shitty glasses.

The list goes on.

Keeping aside my current fascination at his creativity, I'm actually the main victim here. I don't even fucking know what we're doing here in the first place! One moment I was returning home from school, Hange and Levi tagging along with me. And next thing I know, my crazy neighbor has dragged both of us inside this shop and ran off to the shelves. I know Levi knows what this is all about; otherwise he wouldn't be tolerating Hange's eccentric activities for so long. But like I said, I don't wanna end up dead. So I'm stopping myself from asking him anything and risking my life.

What? He's scar–

Not scary! I did not say scary! I'm definitely not scared of him. Just… maybe a little…

Intimidated! Yes! I'm a little intimidated. That's all!

Satisfied with the conclusion I've come up with, I try to take a peek at him. And let me tell you, the world just wants me to suffer! Because right at that moment, he decides to run his fingers through those silky black fringes. The soft locks slide though those bony fingers. Dark against pale, such a perfect combination. Everything about him is perfect. From the tip of his hair to the end of his toe, every fucking inch is dripping perfection! I stare in awe, death risks be damned. He catches me staring of course, and shoots me a glare that probably would've sent me off running had I not been so mesmerized with the owner of it.

God! He's gorgeous!

I realize my mouth is hanging open. _Fuck!_ I snap it shut before I start drooling and make an even bigger fool of myself.

 _God fucking damn it Eren! At this rate, you're gonna end up presenting yourself as the creep who drools at the sight of other men and then Levi will run away faster than a lightening!_

Right. Right!

I open my mouth, suddenly feeling a little brave to try and say something intelligent. The very obvious fact that 'I have an at least 95% chance of screwing this up' totally goes out of my mind. Later, when I'm sober enough to actually analyze my actions, I will find myself cursing my hot-headedness and impulsive nature which always leads to unwanted circumstances. But for now, the only thing in my mind is Levi.

 _Levi. Who is right here._

 _Levi. Who I can talk to right now if I want._

 _Levi. Whom I–_

My thoughts are interrupted by a flash of teeth and thick rimmed glasses. Yes, you got it right. It's them. The culprit is bouncing back towards us, grinning widely. And there appears to be something in their hand. So they finally found what they were looking for after almost wrecking the whole store. I look closely to see what this prized possession is.

A champagne bottle.

You've gotta be kidding me!

I hear a weird noise beside me, and turn my head to find Levi fuming. Huh! So we're both pissed off at the same thing. Well, to be honest, any man with a sane mind would be. But naïve as it is, my heart decides that it's a special thing to have something in common with Levi and starts jumping with joy.

Stupid heart! Stop beating so loud!

"All that hassle, and you brought _this_?"

"Levi!" Hange pouts. "My gal deserves the best. I can't just bring anything for her. I had to make sure I get the best gift."

"… And that's supposed to be champagne?"

"Not just any champagne shorty! It's _the_ champagne!"

"Am I supposed to know what the fuck that means?"

"Guess not!" Hange beams mischievously. Levi sighs.

"Awww, don't pout!" they try to poke him in the arm. He swats their hand away. "It's the same one Carla brought for me to celebrate my 18th birthday", they add with a smile.

 _Carla?_

"Uh… Hange…" I mumble. Gah! My head hurts from all the confusion.

"Yup!" they turn to me, grinning from ear to ear.

"What's this all about?"

"Oh! You don't know?!" they turn towards Levi. "You two have been standing here all this time. You could've told him!"

"He didn't ask."

Oh, so now it's my fault?! Forgive me if I was afraid to lose my fucking life!

"Doesn't matter!" Hange screeches. The man behind the counter looks at them, irritated. They glance at him, then take out their wallet to pay, still bickering non-stop without a care in the world. "Okay snotball, the thing is, your mom invited us to dinner tonight", they use their index finger to push their glasses back.

Why does it remind me of Armin? Maybe because they both are nerds and both of them have a disturbing habit of butting in other people's minds. Anyway, more importantly, mom invited them. Why didn't I know about this? She probably talked to them this morning, after I left for school. She could at least tell me last night that she's planning to invite them. Well, I guess it's alright. It's not like it's the first time Hange will visit my house.

And then, it hits me.

" _Your mom invited_ _ **us**_ _to dinner tonight."_

That means–

Levi is coming.

To. My. House.

Tonight.

AAAARRRRGHHHH!

Fuck! Shit! Damn! Why am I hearing this only now?! He's coming to our house for the first time, and… oh man! This is so sudden. I don't know what to think. And my room is… Fuck! I didn't even clean my room! He's such a clean freak. Shit! What's he gonna think? What if he feels disgusted and leaves right away?! No, he won't do that. Even he can't be that rude! Right? Right?!

Damn it! Calm down Eren!

Yeah. Calm down. Take deep breaths. That's it! It'll be alright. Once we reach my house, I'll quickly go to my room and clean it up as much as possible. No need to fret!

I compose myself and look to my right. Hange is taking the gift wrapped champagne bottle from the counter. I look to my left. Levi has straightened himself and is brushing imaginary dirt from his clothes. I grip the straps of my backpack tightly as we proceed to leave the store.

My heart is racing. My palms are sweating. My throat feels dry. But in the midst of all this nervousness, I find a ghost of a smile slowly finding its way to my lips.

Levi is coming.

 _Levi_ is coming.

* * *

"Carlaaaaaa!"

Hange jumps in and crushes my mom into a bear hug, the after effect of which makes her stagger a few steps back. She's smiling as she returns the hug, albeit more sophisticatedly.

"Nice to see you here after so long", mom says, petting their unruly hair.

Yeah, as you can see, Hange and mom are pretty close. To say the truth, mom is closer to Hange in age than I am. So it's no wonder they get along well. They've been close friends since as long as I can remember. Mom has always been a friend-slash-elder sister for them. Well, more 'friend' and less 'sister', if you ask me. I know it probably looks weird. How can Hange be friends with both me _and_ my mom?! But that's just how Hange is. There's a sort of comfortable aura around them, once you get past the craziness and eccentricity that is. They'll bully you, tease you, irritate the hell out of you. But at the end of the day, you'll forgive them. Because you know they'll be here for you whenever you need them. They'll be here for you even when no one else will. And no matter how many years pass, they'll treat you like they always did. There's no awkwardness. No discomfort. No uneasiness.

That's the charm of Hange Zoe.

"Alright! Alright!" I huff impatiently. "Now would you two move aside and let us in?"

Mom laughs. I watch with amusement as she slowly tries to disentangle herself from Hange's death grip. She barely manages to do so, only to find them landing their left arm around her shoulder. And I suddenly fear for the champagne bottle that's still dangling from Hange's right hand.

"Oh Carla! You didn't meet my friend this morning, did you? Here, let me introduce", Hange gestures at Levi and opens their mouth to speak. Somehow, I have a feeling Hange's gonna mess this up.

"This is sh-Levi!"

Mom looks at him, then at Hange. Confusion written all over her face. "Shlevi?"

I facepalm.

Levi sighs, shaking his head. He takes off his shoes and gets inside. Well, I suppose I should take initiative and introduce him properly. So I hurry up and walk past him to stand beside mom. And just when I'm about to speak, my eyes widen at the sight of him.

He's _smiling_.

Well, it can hardly be called a smile. Just a slight curve of his lips. But damn! That's the closest to a smile I've seen on his face. I watch spellbindingly as he approaches mom, right hand out for a handshake.

"Levi Ackerman. It's a pleasure to meet you ma'am."

Mom smiles at him and shakes his hand. "Welcome to Shiganshina Levi. Please, come on in." She takes the champagne from Hange. "By the way, you can call me Carla", she adds with a welcoming smile. "And thanks for the champagne."

"I picked it!" Hange beams. "You remember this brand, Carla?"

Mom smiles at them. "Of course I do."

I stand at the door, dazed, while both Hange and Levi get inside and make themselves comfortable in the living room. And by comfortable I mean Levi sitting on the edge of the couch, decently but gracefully, and Hange sprawling on the rest of the space.

"Eren", I get back to my senses when mom calls me. "Shouldn't you be changing your clothes and freshening up?"

She walks towards me, and from the look on her face, I have a feeling that she's gonna pull my ear again, like she does whenever she's scolding me. I sure as hell cannot let that happen. Not in front of _him_!

"I'm going! I'm going!" and off I go, running up the short flight of stairs and into my room.

Time to clean up!

* * *

 **A/N:** Carla is a lovely person who cares about everyone around her. And Hange's someone who will drive you insane but hold your hand at the same time. I can definitely see those two getting along, with Carla trying to act the responsible one and Hange being spoiled by her anyway XP

Thanks for reading! XD  
Reviews are very much appreciated ^_^


	6. Invitation: Part 2

**Chapter Summary:** "Alert: Levi in my room!" Also, some Interesting revelation about Recon Corps XP

Enjoy! ^^

* * *

I'm halfway through pushing my left leg into the dark grey sweats when suddenly a loud knock at my door startles me. I try to stand and pull my pants up at the same time, and end up tripping over my foot on the ground with a thud.

"Snotty!" comes the shrilling voice. "You okay?!"

I fumble around for a moment before finally gathering myself, then get up as quick as a lightening.

"How long are you gonna take to change?! It's been half an hour already!"

Oh no! They're here!

"I'm done, I'm done! J-Just a minute!" I'm totally out of breath as I reply.

I hurriedly slide my legs into the sweats, then pull a light brown tee down my head. If I had more time, I'd have liked to give more thought on what I should wear. But sadly, time doesn't seem to be on my side these days.

 _Suck it up, Eren!_

I straighten my hands, smiling satisfactorily when the joints make a loud pop. Then I slide my fingers through the mop of brown locks to see if I can somehow tidy them up a bit, but end up making it even messier than before. I look around. Half an hour hasn't even been nearly enough to clean up the mess my room has become. I could only clear the stacks of books lying around everywhere and organize them into piles on one side of the wall, take all the clothes scattered around the room and shove them inside the closet and clean up the dust a bit.

I sigh. Well, at least it's better than before.

"EREN!" another loud knock.

I walk up to the door and open it to let them in. Hange dashes into the room immediately. I'm about to retort loudly when suddenly my voice dies in my mouth. Because right at that moment, I see Levi being dragged inside by them.

 _Sweet fucking hell! He's in my room!_

I watch nervously as his eyes scan the whole area. He takes in everything. Slowly. Steadily. Observing all the details. The walls, barely showing their whiteness underneath all the exotic posters. The bed – my eyes catch a corner of the sheet that's still wrinkled – hastily made just before they came in. The pile of books, carelessly stacked one over another. The chair, sitting alone on one side of the room and slightly rocking due to the passing wind. Without realizing my eyes start following his, trying to understand what he's thinking, to decipher what's possibly going on inside that pretty head.

My heart sinks when I see him wrinkle his nose slightly. His mouth opens, as if he's about to say something, but closes after a moment.

Why do I feel so upset about such a silly thing?

"You… don't like it?" I shift uncomfortably.

My mouth is definitely working faster than my brain.

I realize what I've blurted out a moment later and my eyes widen at my own impulsiveness. I can feel my cheeks heat up. But unfortunately, my mouth isn't done.

"I tried to clean up…" _Fuck!_ "I know you don't like dirty things…" _Shut up, you stupid mouth!_ "If I knew you'd be coming, I would've made time to clean up better."

Great! Now I've done it!

I lower my eyes in embarrassment. What the fuck did I just say?! Now he's gonna think I'm super weird, and it's gonna be all over before it even started.

Someone please give me the 'Biggest Idiot of the World' award!

A minute passes with awkward silence hanging in the air. And then, to my surprise, I hear a throaty chuckle. My eyes shoot up at him. He looks… _amused_.

"Not bad, kid."

My heart flutters in my chest. I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks. He talked to me! For the first time today, he actually _looked at me and talked_.

But my happiness is short lived. Because suddenly, he looks worried, like he's somehow displeased with his own actions. The furrow between his brows intensifies. And soon enough, he falls back into the same 'I'm-avoiding-you' mode, ignoring my existence and evading any eye contact.

What the fuck man! He's been like this all day! If he has a habit of ignoring people when he's in a bad mood, shouldn't he be ignoring everyone? Why just me? Why is he giving the cold shoulder to only me?!

Could it be that… _I_ did something to upset him? I think back to the events of yesterday, trying to figure out what I did wrong. But I can't find anything that could possibly offend him this much. I mean, he seemed really into me yesterday, didn't he? And now, it's like he can't even stand the sight of me!

 _What happened, Levi?_

I watch him helplessly.

 _Was I wrong to assume that you felt the same attraction I did?_

"HEY EREN!"

"Gaahhh!" I shriek and jump back. "Hange! If I find myself deaf tomorrow, it's totally your fault!"

As usual, my threat is completely ignored.

"Didn't know you're a fan of RC!" Hange says pointing at the posters of Recon Corps covering my walls.

"Well, six years _is_ a long time!" I look away pouting. "There are a lot of things about me that you don't know."

They laugh, ruffling my hair and flopping down on the bed. "Hmm…" A wink. "Does that mean my snotty baby missed me?"

I sigh. I can't deny that I'm a bit flustered at the sudden proclamation, but if you know me, then you know I don't back away from my emotions. So fighting off the urge to just deny them and laugh it off, I look straight into their eyes and smile.

"Of course I did Hange. And I know you did too."

Hange smiles back. "Sure did kiddo!"

From the corner of my eye, I watch Levi. He's been pretty much relaxed till now, but the moment he hears me express my emotions to Hange, he seems a bit surprised. His eyes dart towards me, a curious look on his face. I keep my face straight, not daring to turn my head or look at him. I can feel those eyes on me, piercing through my bones, invading the deepest corner of my soul. But I can't look back. Because I know the moment I do it, he'll look away and start ignoring me again.

And right now – even if it's just for a few more moments – I want to feel the sweet burn of those sinfully gorgeous eyes on me.

To my utter dismay, the moment is soon ruined by a certain loudmouth.

"Guess what Eren?!"

I let out another sigh. His eyes have hastily been directed elsewhere. The trance is broken.

"What?" I ask Hange, trying to hide my disappointment.

"I'm a fan of RC too!" they reply with a grin.

That I can totally picture. Hange Zoe. Wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Bare footed. Playing rock band songs in full volume and dancing like crazy all around the house. Yup, definitely possible!

"I just had a very vivid imagination…" I mumble. Then turn my gaze to Levi. He looks aghast. Like he's just remembered a very awful memory. For some reason, I have a feeling that this memory of his is similar to my latest imagination.

Poor him!

"Those guys!" Hange continues. "They're really awesome, you know! Specially Mike! That guy left the band, but they all are still such good buddies."

Err… what?!

"Hange?"

"Yup?!"

"Why are you talking as if you know them personally?"

They smile mischievously and wiggle their brows. "Who said I don't?"

Huh?

 _Huh?!_

"What the-?!" I jump in front of them. "You do? You really do?!"

In reply, they simply wink.

I throw my arms up in exasperation. "C'mon Hange! TELL ME!"

"Well, Mike's been friends with Erwin since their childhood. So…"

"Mike… you mean Mike Zacharias? _The_ Mike Zacharias?!"

Hange laughs seeing my enthusiasm. "Yeah, that one."

"Wow…"

I start daydreaming. Recon Corps. My idols. Mike, Eld, Olou, Gunther. And Hange knows them!

"Hange!" my voice is unusually loud from all the excitement. "Have you met them?"

"Who?" they smirk, obviously playing dumb.

"Hangeee!"

"Alright, alright!" they burst out laughing, clearly enjoying the situation. "Yes, I have."

"All of them?!"

"Yep. And let me tell you. The new kid? He's amazing! He–"

"Hange." Levi stops them before they can finish the sentence. They make eye contact for a second, and Hange nods.

"Sorry Eren", they smile sheepishly. "I probably spoke more than I should have."

I nod appreciatively. "I understand." Then I turn back to look at Levi. "I'm sorry. I'm the one who got all overly excited."

He shakes his head. "You did nothing wrong kid. It's your favorite band. You're supposed to get exhilarated." He narrows his eyes at Hange. "It's you who should learn to behave more maturely. Quit shitting words at every chance you get."

"Aww Levi. I love you too!"

"Fuck off!"

"C'mon! Don't be so cruel!"

"Say another word and I swear I'll shove that head of yours up your shithole."

"You're no fun!"

"At least I'm not psychologically disabled like someone here."

"Nope. You're vertically disabled."

"…"

"…"

"What. Did. You. _SAY_?"

"Nothing! Nothing! Just saying how much I _l–o–v–e_ you!"

I watch them with amusement. And unknowingly, a smile finds itself around my lips.

* * *

"Mmmm… Carla! Thws ws doo goodh!" Hange speaks with their mouth full.

Mom laughs. Levi gives them a disgusted look.

"Don't talk while stuffing your mouth."

Hange swallows the food and takes a sip of the champagne they brought earlier. "Chill out shor– I mean Levi! Carla knows me!" Another sip. "And you!" They continue, pointing their finger at mom. "You are the best cook in the entire world!"

"Thank you Hange." Mom continues to laugh.

As you can see, I'm in the middle of this weird conversation that is currently going on in our dinner table. I'm sitting next to mom, who's currently refilling the glasses with more champagne. I'm not allowed, of course. _Still underage_. So I've been served soft drinks as compensation. And obviously, I'm sulking.

I am _trying_ to make an impression on the guy sitting across me, you know! And drinking soda while he sips his champagne isn't really helping my cause.

Anyway, as I was saying, Levi and Hange are sitting across us. Hange across mom, and Levi next to them. So yeah, we are currently sitting face to face and watching as mom endures Hange's out-of-control stream of praises.

"Ah, this is del-licious! Seriously, even the best restaurants in Stohess can't cook a steak this good! Isn't that right, Levi?!"

"Tch! Behave yourself, shitty glasses", Levi shoots them another glare, then turns to mom. "It was a very nice meal Carla." There's genuine appreciation in his voice, even though his face remains neutral. "Thank you."

Mom beams at him. "That's very kind of you to say Levi."

Wow! Okay, let me get this straight. He speaks nicely to my mom, shouts and curses at Hange, and outright ignores me!

What the fuck is his problem?!

* * *

 **A/N:** I love the interactions between Levi and Hange XD They're too much fun to write! Anyone wondering about 'the new kid'? I'll reveal who it is when the time comes! ;)

Oh, and next chapter will focus mainly on Hange and their past! So, wait for it! XD

Thanks for reading! ^^


	7. Hange Zoe

**Chapter Summary:** Hange talks about their past.

 **A/N:** To be quite honest, I hadn't planned on writing much about Hange and their past. But then, a reader in AO3 commented about how it could have so many possibilities and I found myself wondering that maybe I should explore it a bit too! And that leaving it as it is would've turned into a loose end of some sort. So yeah, this chapter is thanks to her suggestions! ^^

Enjoy!

* * *

"So Hange, have you decided anything?" Mom asks.

I watch them curiously. "Decided what?"

We are in the living room right now, after that quite eventful dinner. Mom asked if they wanted to watch anything on TV, but they refused. So here we are, sitting together and chatting. Kinda like old times, except for the inclusion of the raven haired mystery man. Well, he's not talking much anyway, at least not voluntarily. So I guess it's pretty much the same as before.

"What to do with the house", mom replies to my question.

"Huh?!" my eyes widen. "What do you mean what to do?"

"Well", this time Hange speaks. "I _was_ thinking of selling it before."

"SELLIN–"

"Let me finish Eren", they say with a smile. I shut my mouth and wait. Grumbling inwardly.

"So, you both know why I never came back here. The death of mom and dad had shaken me up real bad. And the house, it carried all those memories of them. Constantly reminding me of their loss…" they take a breath. "It was suffocating, staying in this place all alone. I needed to get away. I felt like I'd never be able to move on if I didn't. So when the offer came from Stohess, I didn't think for a second. I accepted and left as soon as I could. To say the truth, I fled."

I never thought about it like that. I always blamed Hange for leaving so suddenly. But now, after hearing their side of the story, I actually feel kinda guilty for thinking that way.

"Stohess was a good change. New place, new people, new job. Life was busy. I was happy the way things were. But once in a while, something would trigger me off, and I'd be reminded of this place. Of how happy I used to be here. Eren's laughter, Carla's cooking, the occasional visits of Grisha, mom's scolding, dad's support – I missed it all. And it hurt." Hange trails off. Mom walks over to sit beside them and wraps an arm around their shoulder. I look away, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

When I look up, I see Hange looking at Levi. He stares at her, nods ever so slightly, then turns his gaze to the front.

"I'd told myself to never look back", Hange continues. "Because I thought if I did, if I ever came back, it'd be too painful for me to bear. So that's what I did. I cut off all the connections. I decided not to keep in touch with anyone. No visits, no phone calls. Nothing. And I suppose that's how life would've went on if this guy hadn't shown up", they glance at Levi. He raises an eyebrow. "Two years after I joined the company, I was transferred to the same department as Levi."

"And that was the beginning of my demise", Levi states flatly.

We stare at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"Well, that lightened up the mood", mom says while wiping the corner of her eyes.

I look up at Levi – still laughing – and find him staring at me. Our eyes lock for a couple of seconds before he turns away. But that look in his eyes! I caught it for merely a few moments, but there was something in those eyes. I can't really put it in words. It was the kind of look you give when you want something really bad but can't have it. You know what I mean? Like there's a new album of your favorite band in stores and you don't have the money to buy it. So you watch it longingly through the glass door.

A stupid metaphor. But you understand what I'm trying to say.

Why would he look at me like that? It means he's interested, right? Then why avoid me like a plague? Or… am I imagining all of this?

Perhaps I am. Maybe he's actually feeling uneasy. Considering the way I've been glancing at him every few minutes, I won't be surprised if he is. And even though I'm not looking at a mirror right now, I'm pretty much sure what kind of looks I'm sending him. He shouldn't be unaware of my interest in him. Maybe that's what's making him uncomfortable?

Because he… _doesn't_ … feel the same way?

But all his actions of the previous day tell me otherwise! And even though he's avoiding me today, the occasional looks he's been sending me unconsciously are making me think that maybe this whole avoidance is a pretense. That maybe, just maybe, there's another reason for his behavior.

It could all be just my wishful thinking. Still, I want to believe in this _connection_ I feel between us. I want to believe that he feels it too.

The heavy air seems to have lightened up now and everyone looks more relaxed. As Hange resumes their story, I focus my attention back on them.

"We didn't get along, at all!" they laugh. "And as you all know me, I took that as a challenge. So I'd bug him every day, constantly pestering him about whatever comes to my mind. And he'd run to Erwin every two days, threatening him to fire me or send me to another department."

I stare at the two of them. Surprised, awed. I never would've guessed. I mean, sure, Levi is always hostile towards Hange and Hange is always trying to provoke him the wrong way. But the whole thing is so playful and friendly now. It almost seems natural!

"I didn't give up of course!" Hange's words bring me back to the story. "And Blondie-the-great somehow had a vision that we'd become really good friends. So he decided to make the two of us work in group projects. Levi endured for a while, before running to blondie again!"

"You should be glad I didn't strangle you then", Levi mutters. "Who the fuck takes their partner's design plans and throws them out the window?!"

What!?

"Levi! We were supposed to work on it _together_. But you decided to go solo and didn't even bother to listen to me!" Hange pouts. "Aaand it was an effective way to get your attention!" they finish with a wink.

Levi stares at them for a moment. "You're mentally constipated."

"Mmm… that's debatable. Emotional constipation is more like your thing I'd say!"

"Hange", Mom cuts off their bantering with a smile. "Stop teasing him."

Hange looks at Levi with a 'what-have-you-done-to-her' look. "Fine, fine. On with the story then."

I suppress a laugh.

"So this time, Erwin takes us drinking. I'm telling you, that guy must be living a secret mafia life or something. He comes up with the weirdest solutions. Effective as hell somehow. But things you'll never think of doing in a sane mind."

To my surprise, Levi grunts in response.

"Okay, so the three of us are drinking. Erwin's paying of course. And the moment he senses that we're loaded, he bolts from there. Imagine, two people who are always at each other's throats, sprawling over the bar, utterly wasted and nobody to take them home."

"Oh wow!" I blurt out.

"Yeah. And the next thing I remember, I'm waking up with a hangover, on an unfamiliar bed, in a very unfamiliar room." They stop for a theatrical pause. "I get up!" Another pause. "I look around!"

Levi rolls his eyes. "You're being too melodramatic."

"Gahh! Don't ruin it shorty! It's a crucial moment", Hange gets into story mode again. Hands moving, eyes gleaming. "So, my life is at stake. I'm in a stranger's house. Have I been kidnapped?! Who could the criminal be? And then, I see something!"

"You saw my photo on the bedside table and knew it was my house. End of story."

"Levi! How could you!" Hange stares at him with wide eyes, probably trying to muster a betrayed look. But it turns out way too comical.

I look at mom. She's clearly enjoying this bizarre performance those two are giving.

"So yeah, it was him", Hange shoots another accusatory glance towards Levi. "Turns out he could handle his booze better than me. So when the bartender woke him up–"

"And failed to wake you", Levi adds with a straight face.

"Grrr! Okay fine! When the bartender woke him up _and failed to wake me_ , his majesty did a huge favor by not leaving me there and taking me with him to his house. How he managed to drive to his house without running into anything is still a mystery."

"Simple. I have a higher tolerance for alcohol."

Hange sticks their tongue out at him.

"Anyway, so that's how it began. I got out of his room the next morning as soon as I'd freshened up and found him sitting on the couch in the living room reading a book. When he saw me, he just said" – they try to imitate Levi – " _Get your shit together. We've got a project to work on._ "

Levi makes a choking noise. "I do _not_ sound like that", he hisses out.

Hange decides to ignore him.

"And when I asked him how his perspective of me changed overnight, he just said that I was too troublesome to deal with any other way. My guess is, either Erwin talked him into it or I probably charmed him by saying something while I was drunk."

My eyes dart back and forth from Hange to Levi, half expecting him to reprimand them. But he remains strangely calm and silent.

"So, which was it?" I find myself asking.

"Never found out", Hange replies with a sigh. "I asked him countless times, but he wouldn't say a word except elaborating what a crazy shit I was for obsessing over something so insignificant."

"So that's how you became friends."

"Yeah!" they grin widely and throw an arm around Levi from which he flinches away. "That's how I got my buddy here. And Erwin."

I find myself smiling too. Hange and I had been really close friends, and even though I'd been a little upset with them for leaving and never keeping in touch, I was also worried for them. So now that I see them having such nice friends, I guess I feel sort of… relieved.

And then, I recall how this whole conversation began in the first place.

"How did he convince you to come back?"

I'm being awfully curious about this. It's so unlike me. I wonder if I would've shown even half the curiosity if it was some other person and not Levi.

Probably not.

"Have patience snotball. We're getting there", Hange stands up from the couch and stretches their body. "But first, I need another drink. My throat is dry from all that talking."

* * *

 **A/N:** Yeah, there's still a bit of Hange's story left. It'll be in the next chapter along with some Ereri feels! XP

I'm currently undergoing massive amount of workload and occasional writer's block T_T Don't worry though. I don't plan on dropping this fic XD

Thanks for reading! ^^


	8. Missed Opportunity

**A/N:** I'm back! XD

 **Chapter Summary:** A little more about Hange. And of course, our adorable stupid dorks being... adorable stupid dorks!

Enjoy! ^^

* * *

I'm playing with the hem of my t-shirt, trying to calm the increasing heartbeat. I take deep breaths. Mentally preparing myself. Why? Because I'm about to ask Levi something. Something that's been bothering me since I saw him at school today.

 _Why are you acting this way?_

Hange's gone to get another drink and mom's left to get more snacks for everyone. So we're alone in the living room right now. I look at him. He seems as nonchalant as always. I start to feel nervous. What if I'm overthinking? What if this doesn't mean anything to him at all?

So many questions cloud my mind, engulfing me with self-doubt and sucking away my confidence.

I need to act fast, before my mind decides otherwise.

"Levi…" it's a whisper, a trembling whisper. But I know he's heard it.

Not that he reacts.

"Levi", I start again, a little louder, a little more desperate. "Have I… Have I done something?" God! I hope I don't sound as pathetic as I think I do. "Something to… upset you?"

He looks at me this time. Fully looks at me. With eyes as hot and burning as liquid metal, he looks at me.

I try to read them. The language of his eyes. The only language in which he expresses himself without any pretense.

There's surprise, perplexity which is soon replaced by realization. And something else. Something I know I have to understand, but can't figure out.

It makes me angry.

His body scoots closer to mine. He looks as if he's about to say something. I stare at him intently. Eager to hear anything. Anything that will rid me of this… this _confusion_ that's been killing me all day.

"Eren I–"

"Whatcha talking 'bout?!"

What the fuck Hange!

Levi reverts back to his previous position, face masked by indifference. I look at him frantically, hoping he'll at least give me some kind of sign. But not once does he return my gaze. Damn! I was so close. So fucking close!

It's frustrating.

I fix my eyes on the ground when Hange walks over to sit beside me. I know they didn't do it intentionally, but the one chance that I got today to talk to Levi has just been ruined. And I can't help but feel a little offended.

"Whoa! What did I do?!" their eyes drift between me and him. "I interrupted something, didn't I?"

Nobody replies.

"Alright!" mom returns with nachos and pretzels. "Let's resume the sto– What's with the gloomy atmosphere?!"

"Nothing!" I say hurriedly. A little too hurriedly perhaps, considering her narrowing gaze. "Hange! Tell us what happened after you became friends with…" I trail off.

Why his name suddenly gets stuck in my throat, I don't know.

Hange notices. Levi notices. Mom notices.

Nobody utters anything.

"On with the story then!"

 _Ah… Thank you Hange._

"It was probably around six months ago. We were working on a kid's project, planning an advertisement campaign for a snack food company and it kinda reminded me of Eren. How he used to sneak into the kitchen for snacks at every chance and I had to keep an eye on him", Hange paused, smiling to see me pout. "So, I guess I got sort of nostalgic and ended up blabbering about everything to him. Shiganshina, my parents, my life here and why I left it all behind."

Levi and Hange exchange a glance. It's funny how they're so difficult to stop while bickering, and yet so understanding of each other at these moments.

"Levi is a good listener. I gotta give him that. He listened to the whole thing without ever interrupting me. And then, when I was done, his first words were something like – _Get a fucking life, shithead. It's about time you wipe your ass off of those shitty memories and move ahead._ "

We laugh. I find myself feeling the same admiration I felt for him yesterday when I'd heard Hange say the very same thing.

Levi Ackerman.

You hide behind a mask of indifference, but you listen to your friends. You show as if you don't care, but you never fail to give them the push they need. You act annoyed and irritated, but you're always there when someone needs you.

You pretend to ignore me, but your eyes find me again and again.

Levi Ackerman. You are an enigma.

An enigma I wish to decipher.

"He's not a man of many words, as you've seen", Hange continues. "But that day, he made me understand a very important thing. That I am who I am because of the life I've had so far. I can't ignore a part of my life just because it's painful, because that would mean ignoring a part of my own existence. I wouldn't have become this Hange Zoe if not for the people around me. My home, my childhood, my parents, my friends – they're an inseparable part of my life that I can never deny", they pause to take a breath. "And he told me how lucky I am to have memories and people I can still cherish. He opened my eyes to the fact that my home isn't just a memento of the agonizing memories. It's also full of all the happiness and laughter I shared with my close ones. Every inch of that house can still remind me of who I am and who I want to be."

They look at Levi. And for once, it's neither playful nor challenging. It's just pure respect and fondness.

"If there are painful memories to hurt me, then there are ten times more joyful memories to embrace me as well. That's what he taught me."

I find myself unable to take my eyes off of him. What is this guy? An angel in disguise?

He feels all three pairs of eyes on him. Apparently we're all looking at him with unconcealed awe. He shifts uncomfortably, eyes never meeting any of ours.

"Such a pain", he mutters without any venom in his voice. "I only stated the fact to you, something that couldn't get through your skull full of shit!"

"Levi…" I hear my mom say. Her voice sounds broken. "Thank you…"

She's crying.

"Aww Carlaaa!" Hange hugs her, more like squeezes the life out of her. "Don't cry!"

Levi and I watch the two of them, not sure how to react or what to say. There's not a lot of time that I've seen my mother cry. She's usually so energetic and cheerful, and always, always so forceful with me. So right now, seeing this side of her, I feel at a loss of what to do.

Thankfully, Hange knows exactly how to handle anybody. And soon, the sniffles reduce into soft smiles.

"I've always been worried about Hange", she wipes the corner of her eyes. "I knew they needed their space, so I let them be. But Hange's an extremely emotional person, even if it doesn't seem like that most of the time. So I always wondered if they'll ever be able to make peace with their past."

She looks at Levi. "Maybe they never would have, if not for you Levi."

He says nothing. I watch his stiff shoulders, the furrow between his eyebrows, the tightness with which he's pressed his lips together, the way his eyes move around everywhere. And I discover something.

He's uncomfortable hearing so much praise.

One simple discovery. And it fills my heart with uncontainable joy. I feel like I just took one more step to get closer to him. To solve the puzzle that he is.

"Hange", I decide to rescue him. "You didn't answer the actual question."

Hange looks puzzled. "What question?"

"What are you gonna do with the house?"

"Oh right!" they grin. "Well, obviously I'm not gonna sell it!"

Mom laughs. "That we all know by now, I think."

"Yeah", Hange joins the laughter. "Actually, I found someone to take care of the house while I'm gone."

"Like… a caretaker?" I ask.

"Yeah, kind of. He's more of a friend actually. We used to be neighbors in Stohess. Recently he quit his job saying he wanted to live somewhere quiet and peaceful. So I offered him to live here and take care of the house in exchange of payment. And he agreed."

"That's good", mom replies. "So, when is he coming?"

"Tomorrow in fact. I'll just give him a tour of the house and explain everything. And then we'll be on our way."

Shit! I totally forgot. They're leaving tomorrow!

"You could've stayed a little longer", I hear mom say. "You came back after so long."

"Wish I could Carla", Hange says apologetically. "But don't worry. Next time, I won't take this long to visit."

"You'd better not!" I mutter quietly.

They laugh, ruffling my hair.

"Oi, four eyes", Levi speaks this time. "We should get going. You gotta finish packing all your shit."

I look at the clock.

10:00 pm.

Whoa! When did it get so late?!

"Whoops! You're right!" Hange jumps on their feet. "Sorry Carla. Gotta go! Like he said, I haven't started packing yet."

"You're as clumsy as ever", mom smiles, shaking her head.

"Yup! Always will be!" they flash a toothy grin. "See you Carla. Take care."

Mom gives them a hug. "You too Hange. Take care. And don't skip meals."

Hange rolls their eyes.

"Levi", he looks at mom upon hearing his name. "Come visit us again."

"Thank you Carla", he says before getting up.

"Come on Levi", Hange pulls him by the arm. "Bye Eren! Come see us off in the morning, will ya?"

I watch as both of them walk towards the door. Levi nodding slightly and Hange waving both their hands. And right before they step out, his eyes lock with mine. They burn with intensity, and something unknown. Something I've been trying to figure out all day. I feel my body going numb as I stare into the depth of those silver orbs. My chest feels tight. My eyes prickle. My voice goes dry. And it hits me.

This is it. He's leaving.

 _Eren, he's leaving!_

My body goes into overdrive. I don't exactly know what it is that I feel for him, whether it's simple attraction or something more profound. But right at this moment, I realize that this is my last chance to say something. That if I let him go now, we may never see each other again. If I don't do something now, he'll be gone and all I'll be left with is pain and regret.

As I stand here motionless, he goes further and further away.

And so, I run.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm sorry! I had to do that 'cockblocker Hange' thing! XD

Also, sorry for the cliffhanger! XP

 _Run Eren! Run! XD_

Wait for the next chapter! It'll finally reveal some of the mysteries.

Thanks for reading~


	9. Confrontation

**Chapter Summary:** Eren finally gets his answer. But can he handle the truth?

 **A/N:** Ah! Drama time after the cliffhanger of last chapter! I've been planning this chapter for so long, and finally I'm posting it! To be honest, this is the beginning of the actual story XD

Hope you guys enjoy! ^_^

* * *

I run out the door, searching for him frantically and praying I'm not too late. For what, I don't know. I look around, hoping to find him in the dimly lit streets. And there he is. About to cross the road to the other side. I take a deep breath. And I shout.

"LEVI!"

Both of them turn around. It's too dark to make out their expressions, but I suppose it's something close to surprise.

"Eren", Hange asks, worried. "Something wrong?"

I take one cautious step. Suddenly I don't know what to say. My eyes stay focused on Levi. I barely notice Hange standing right beside him. All I can think is – _Do something before he's gone!_

"Can I–" my voice breaks. I clear my throat and try again, louder this time. "Can we talk… for a moment?"

He looks skeptical. My mind goes into panic. "Please!" I plead, desperation echoing in my voice.

Hange puts a hand over his shoulder and motions him towards me. I watch him heave a sigh. And they part ways. Hange going towards their house and Levi coming to the opposite direction, towards me.

My heart goes crazy, beating so loudly I'm afraid he can hear it. My palms feel sweaty. My cheeks feel warm.

"What is it brat?" he asks when he reaches me.

What am I supposed to tell him?

 _Don't go?_

 _I like you?_

Or maybe, _take responsibility for making my heart beat like crazy?_

Yeah, like I ever can!

So I stand there dumbfounded, trying to calm my nerves and my heart. But the buzzing sound in my ears is not letting me think at all.

"If you've got nothing to say, I'll leave."

"No!" I reach out my hand reflexively. My fingertips brush against his shoulder blade. He flinches away. "Sorry", I say quietly. "Please don't leave! I–I do have something to say."

"Better hurry up kid."

What do I say? How do I express this uneasiness… this restlessness? How do I tell him that he's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do!

"H–Have I done something to upset you?" the question comes out on its own.

He looks defenseless for a moment. Like he did the first time I asked this question. But then, his posture stiffens.

"No." His reply is curt.

"Then why are you avoiding me?!" my voice sounds pathetic and distressed.

"I'm not–"

"Don't!" I say a little louder than necessary. "Please don't say that you're not avoiding me. That I'm imagining things. You and I both know that's not true."

"What makes you think that anyway?" I flinch at the harsh reply. But when I look at him, his eyes don't meet mine. "Don't just assume things on your own. What in the goddamn world makes you think that _I_ would be the least bit interested in a brat like _you_?!"

I stare at him with wide eyes. So, was I right when I thought he's just tolerating me? To him I'm nothing but a stupid teenager with a stupid crush? Nothing more? Nothing… special?

But for some reason, my heart isn't ready to accept that. How can I just take his words for real when I've already seen the kind and gentle heart behind that harsh exterior he shows off? And if he wasn't interested in the first place, he wouldn't have led me on the day we met. Levi is not that kind of a person. That much I'm sure of.

So, it must be some other reason. Something that compelled him to change his behavior towards me. And I gotta find out what that is.

"If that's how it is", I start with a sigh. "Then look me in the eye and say it."

He shuts his eyes close for a moment, lips pressed tight. But says nothing.

"What went wrong Levi?" I try again. "Yesterday you–"

"Yesterday was a mistake", he cuts me off.

I stare at him. Seconds pass one after another.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

"What…?!" It's a whisper.

"You heard me. Yesterday was a mistake", he continues in a formal tone. "My behavior was extremely inappropriate and out of place. I hope you forgive me."

"No…" I'm still whispering. I don't know why. "No! I don't believe that!"

"It doesn't matter what you believe."

"Are you trying to tell me you didn't feel anything towards me? That it was nothing?!" I start hyperventilating. "Or are you regretting it?"

"It does _not_ matter what you believe." He repeats.

"Fuck yes it does!" my voice breaks. "Why are you doing this Levi? I know you felt it. You felt the same connection I did!"

Something changes in his eyes. The cold look is replaced by something else. He looks pained, and tired.

"Eren…" This is the second time he's called me by my name.

"Please don't deny it", I push him. "I–I can see it in your eyes! Then why?! Why are you pretending to ignore everything and cast it all aside?"

 _Why are you casting me aside?_

He stares at me for a long moment, eyes unreadable. I shift my weight from one foot to another; scratch the back of my left hand with my right. I'm waiting. Impatiently. Nervously.

"You won't understand", he exhales. "It's for the best Eren. That's all you need to know."

Is he even serious?

"You can't just end it with a vague excuse like that!"

He massages his temple with his fingers. He looks exhausted. "Fuck it!" he turns to leave.

"Levi!" I cry out. I can't let him do this. I can't let him leave and wonder what happened for the rest of my life. I don't wanna end up doing nothing and living with regrets. I need to know what the matter is. And I need to know now!

"Don't fucking leave without giving me an answer!" I shout, but my voice is laced with fear. Because I know I won't be able to stop him if he truly decides to leave.

He turns around to face me. His eyes lock with mine. How much time passes like that, I don't know. "You know nothing about me", he finally speaks.

I perk up. "Then I will!" I blurt out. "I mean… I… I want to!"

He looks pained again. Did I say something wrong?

"No…" he replies. "You shouldn't. Eren, you… you're just a kid!" he sounds exasperated.

Oh! Now I know where this is going.

"You think I'm too young to be making a decision like this, don't you?"

He pauses for a second before answering. "Not to make a decision. No."

"Then what?! Fucking tell me!"

He looks straight at me. "You're way too young to be with someone like me", he pauses. "And I'm way too old to be with someone like you."

I look at him incredulously. What the hell is he saying!? How the fuck can a simple thing as our age difference be that big an issue?

Suddenly I feel like laughing.

"That's stupid! You can't be much older than me. What are you, 25? 27? So what! I don't mind."

"I'm 34."

"Yeah alri–" the rest of it gets stuck in my mouth. I realize my eyes have widened to the point of popping out.

His lips twitch up into a sad smirk.

"This isn't funny Levi", I warn him. "Quit joking around."

What the fuck?! How can _he_ be 34?! That's got to be a sick joke, right? I mean, my own mother is almost 40! Am I supposed to believe that the guy I've got the biggest crush on – the one person that keeps turning my whole world upside down and downside up again and again – is actually close to my mom's age?! Not to mention he's got the looks that can shame even the best models.

I refuse to believe this. Either my eyes are really _really_ bad, or he's got his timeline wrong.

"I told you", his voice is quiet, and forlorn. "This is for the best."

I watch silently as he slowly walks away from me. What can I say anyway? I can't even wrap my head around what happened just now!

What do I do?

He reaches the gate and steps out. I stare at his departing figure. Just before crossing the street, he turns around to look at me.

"Goodbye Eren."

I say nothing.

* * *

The moment I see him disappear through Hange's door, my body starts moving on its own. All I can think is that I have to do something. What, I don't know. I rush across the street and run through the fog-drenched grass on their lawn. When I near the entrance, I slow my steps and tiptoe towards one of the open windows.

I look inside. Levi is standing in front of the staircase with Hange blocking his way. There seems to be some kind of argument going on. I lean closer and try to listen.

"–et out of my way Hange!"

"Not unless you tell me what happened."

"Get the fuck out!" he hisses, punctuating and emphasizing each word.

Hange doesn't budge. "Tell me what happened."

Levi sighs. "You fucking know _what_ happened."

Hange looks calm and determined. "No, I don't. What I know is what I've seen. And from what I've seen, you and Eren seem to like each other quite a bit. What's the matter Levi? I thought you two clicked right from the start."

My heart starts beating loudly again. So I wasn't wrong. Hange saw it too! Levi does like me. Or at least, it looks like he does. But then, if he knew about this huge age gap issue, why didn't he back off from the beginning?

Levi's next words answer my question.

"You never told me that kid's fucking _seventeen_!" he growls. "I'd never have let things go this far if I knew he was so young."

Hange remains unaffected by his anger. "I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter." They take a step closer to him. "Really Levi, it's just a number. If both of you like each other, it shouldn't matter, right?"

From where I'm standing, I can only see Levi partially. But even from that view it looks like he's clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. "It does!" He snarls. "It fucking does to me. You should know Hange!"

There's a look of realization on Hange's face. "Levi…"

I wonder what they're talking about. What should Hange know? What is it that's causing him to react so intensely?

Perhaps I've gotten too lost in my own thoughts or Levi has spoken the next words way lower than usual, because the only thing I'm able to make out is – "Izzy…" and "… fourteen!"

Izzy? Fourteen?

What's that supposed to mean?! And why does his voice sound so… resigned?

I curse myself for not hearing the whole thing.

I look inside again. Hange's moved aside and Levi is now walking up the stairs.

Suddenly my body feels numb. I sink down on the ground slowly, not minding the wetness of the mist or the dirt staining my pants. I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them. Then I bury my face between my knees and close my eyes.

Levi is 34, almost as old as mom. And… And he likes me. I should be disgusted, horrified. But surprisingly, I'm not. I just feel an ache, deep in my heart. A loneliness. A longing. Like I've lost something very precious, very important.

I try to think of beautiful things to ease the pain. My vision fills up with silky black and porcelain white. Sharp cheekbones and silver eyes. Playful smirks and adorable frowns.

I am so in trouble.

* * *

 **A/N:** Gahhh! That was intense. Poor Eren. Falling head over heals for Levi and finding out that the man's actually old enough to be an 'uncle' - that's quite a shock for him! He knows how abnormal it is, and yet he can't cast away his feelings.

And Levi - knowing Eren was this young must have been a shocker for him too, considering the way he'd been flirting at the beginning. That's why we see how he tries to pull himself away and avoid Eren the next day. And if you guys remember, in the second chapter when Eren goes out in the middle of the night and sees Levi, the man looks sad and beaten. Which means he found out Eren's age some time before then. I plan on writing a chapter from Levi's POV later on. Hopefully that will clear things up a bit more.

By the way, if you didn't know, this story has 'age-difference' theme between the main characters. If you don't like it, don't read. But don't come with complaints that this is sick or disgusting, or that it's pedophilia. I know where I'm going with my story, and it most certainly will not end in pedophilia. If you still find it sick or disgusting, feel free to leave.

For the rest of you, thanks for reading! ^_^

Oh, one last thing. My exams are coming up T_T Wish me luck!


	10. Shock

**Chapter Summary:** Eren learns about 'Izzy'. But maybe it's too late to turn back for him.

 **A/N:** Sorry for the delay guys! But I'm finally making progress with this. I should probably warn you, the angst is just starting. And it's gonna last for quite some time. I do promise a happy ending though ;)

Since I'm dealing with 'age-difference' here and one of my main characters is a minor, I should properly explain the terms regarding Chronophilia, so that there remains no misconception.

 **Chronophilia:** Where an individual experiences sexual attraction limited to individuals of particular age ranges. Pedophilia, Ephebophilia, Gerontophilia all are different forms of Chronophilia.

 **Pedophilia:** A psychological disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children, meaning children less than 13 years old. It's a paraphilia and most definitely, a criminal offense. And in this story, since Eren is already 17, this in no way falls under Pedophilia. It's a term most commonly misused and misunderstood.

 **Ephebophilia:** Ephebophilia is the primary sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 15 to 19. Now this is something we can actually associate with Eren and Levi. But actually, that would be incorrect too. Because Ephebophilia is used only to describe the preference for mid-to-late adolescent sexual partners, not the mere presence of some level of sexual attraction. As for Levi, he was attracted to Eren because he thought Eren was older, he wasn't attracted to him because he PREFERS mid-to-late adolescents. And no, Ephebophilia is not a criminal offense, because it only refers to the preference, not an actual act.

 **Statutory Rape:** This one is a criminal offense, because it refers to the sexual act itself. Statutory rape is nonforcible sexual activity in which one of the individuals is below the age of consent, usually refering to adults engaging in sexual contact with minors. Now in our story, if Eren and Levi do end up having sex before Eren hits 18, THAT would be statutory rape which is, of course, a punishable crime. And yes, it will be a crime even if Eren consents, because he is a minor.

Sorry for the long talk, but it was an important thing to explain. Now on with the story!

* * *

When I return to my own house, the clock reads 11:12 pm.

"Mikasa called", my mother tells me.

Oh yeah, she did ask me to call her tonight, didn't she? After the series of events that happened a while back, you can't really blame me for letting it slip my mind.

"She asked you to call her back. Said it's urgent", mom adds.

I'm almost tempted to ignore it and go up to my room. The past hour is still taking its toll on me. I feel exhausted.

But seeing the way mom is eyeing me, I deem it safer to just give her a call and get it over with. So I walk towards the living room where I left my phone earlier and dial her number.

She picks up at the first ring.

"Eren!"

"Yeah, mom said you called", I keep talking while walking up the stairs. "Sorry, I was outside with Hange and Levi. I'd have called you after getting back."

I wouldn't have, but a little lie won't hurt anyone.

"Ah, yes. Mrs. Jaeger told me. Actually, I need to talk to you about something."

Why does she sound nervous? Mikasa is _never_ nervous.

"What is it Mika? Anything wrong?"

"No, no! I'm fine", she pauses. "Eren, it's… about Levi."

Levi…?

I'm telling you. This universe is plotting against me!

"Eren…?" she calls my name when I don't reply for a while.

"What? Ah! Oh, yeah. Sorry." _Compose yourself, Eren_. "What about him?"

She hesitates for a second. I can feel it even over the phone. "Well, you remember what I said, right? About him being a distant relative…"

"Yeah…" I place a pillow against the headboard of my bed and lean my upper body against it while my lower body rests on the bed.

"He's actually… Uncle Kenny's nephew. My cousin."

That's new.

"Wow! Then why didn't you say so?" I ask casually. "Why did you say that he's a distant relative?"

I hear her sigh. "That's because I didn't know what to say. I became flustered seeing him all on a sudden. I never expected to see him with someone I know, least of all with _you_!"

"The world works in the funniest ways", I reply with a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Eren?!" she sounds alarmed. "What happened?"

I sigh. "Not now, Mika. I'll tell you some other time."

"It's about him, isn't it?"

"Mikasa–"

"Eren, I saw the way you were looking at him. Don't try to deny it."

"…"

"Do you… do you like him?"

I laugh. I _actually_ laugh. This is the most ironic question for me right now. And even though I've got a pretty good idea about the answer, I'm too afraid to accept it yet.

"I don't know…" Yeah. It's better this way. Neither accepting, nor denying.

"Eren, I don't know if you know yet, but that guy is over thirty!"

I laugh again. It sounds dry. My throat feels dry. "Yeah, he just told me."

The other side remains silent for a long time. So I continue. "And you know what, Mika? The guy I have a crush on just basically told me he's old enough to be my uncle and all I can think is how lonely I'll be once he's gone", I take a breath. "Why don't I feel disgusted Mikasa? I should, right?"

"Eren…"

"He's doing the right thing. He's staying away from me. Said it's the best for both of us. B–But I…"

"Calm down Eren", her voice gets loud for a moment. "Armin and I are coming over tomorrow. We'll sort it all out together."

" _He_ 's leaving tomorrow."

"I-I know…" she sounds unsure. This doesn't go unnoticed by me.

"What's the matter?"

"Eren, I think I should tell you everything I know about Levi", she pauses. "But not over the phone. I'll tell you when we meet tomorrow."

"You sound weird Mika. What could be worse than him being twice my age?"

"…"

"Mikasa?" I ask, suddenly afraid to hear anything more.

"Forget about him Eren", she finally says. "He's right. It really is the best."

See, told you I was afraid to hear more.

"There's something else, isn't it?" I croak.

"…"

"Tell me."

"Eren, I don't think you should–"

"Mikasa", my voice is surprisingly calm. "Tell. Me."

She hesitates for a moment before replying.

"Levi has a daughter. Isabel."

I'm confused. A guy in his thirties having a little kid shouldn't be that much of a surprise, right? But does that mean… he has a wife too? B-But that's ridiculous, right?! I mean, he wouldn't have behaved the way he did towards me if he was already committed to someone. He's not that kind of person. Is he?

"So, he's married?!" I ask in a panicked voice.

"What? No! He's a single father."

I sigh in relief. "O-kay. How is this worse than his age?" I'm even more puzzled now. "Mika, I don't think I understand."

"Well, Eren you're 17…"

"Yes, I've heard that several times tonight", my voice is impatient. What is she implying anyway?

"Isabel Ackerman is 14 years old", she says slowly.

I freeze.

" _Izzy…" "…fourteen!"_

My mind has gone blank. I can't think. I can't feel. By some miracle, the phone still stays in my grip.

"Eren", Mikasa's voice comes floating in. "That man's got a daughter almost as old as you. Do you understand now?"

I hang up.

* * *

Darkness is soothing. You don't have to see anything. Know anything. Just a blissful ignorance that embraces you and gives you comfort.

And the silence. If darkness is the one to embrace, then silence is the one who runs their fingers through your hair. Soft and tender touches that calm your nerve.

This is exactly why I'm here. Sitting on the rocking chair in my room with all the windows blinded and the lights switched off. From the outside it probably looks like nobody's inside. But here I am. Seeking comfort in the darkness. Drowning my mind in the silence.

I'm scared.

Too many things happened within so little time that I'm barely able to process it. Has it really been just two days? Two fucking days and my life has turned upside down. Two days with one Levi Ackerman – and I'm a mess!

I wonder. Would I still have fallen for him if I knew the facts? His age, or that he has a daughter.

 _A daughter almost my age._ I think bitterly.

There's a tiny corner in my mind that whispers _"Yes, you would have."_

No! I try to shut the voice down. I wouldn't. I-I couldn't!

… I can't.

" _You already have"_ – the voice in my head hums softly, as if trying to comfort me.

My shoulders sag in defeat. What do I do now? How can I even face myself? I never thought life would play such a dirty trick on me. Giving me someone to fall for and then creating boundaries that are impossible to overcome.

How can I come to terms with the fact that the guy who captivated me is in fact the father of another kid like me? It's so absurd! I should be disgusted with myself for even considering the possibility of something like this. And then, there's the fact that he likes me too. Even though he'll most likely never admit (and for obvious reasons!), but I can feel it in my heart. Not that it matters. Because if you think rationally, it's supposed to gross anyone out! Hell, it'll probably be seen as pedophilia or some shit like that.

( **A/N:** Again, this is NOT pedophilia. But Eren is a carefree 17 years old who obviously doesn't know too deeply about these stuff. So he's going with the common misunderstanding here)

My mind cringes at the thought of putting _Levi_ and _Pedophile_ together. If I'm not wrong, he's also disgusted with himself for feeling this way towards me. And avoiding me is his way of trying to rectify the situation.

He's right. It's the best for both of us. After all, a future together is something neither of us can even hope for. So, it's better to end it all and bury these tiny sparks of feelings right now.

Before they can turn into a flame and burn us both into ashes.

I close my eyes. Too worn-out to drag myself to bed. But sleep eludes me. I put my hands behind my head and start rocking the chair slowly.

 _I see blue. A sky with the bluest hue I've ever seen, with white puffs of clouds floating overhead. The clouds keep changing shapes, sometimes resembling a bunny, sometimes a dragon and sometimes just vague abstract forms._

 _I look ahead. And I see myself. Wearing a moss green t-shirt with simple black shorts. Standing in front of the ocean with waves reaching as high as my knees. I look peaceful, and happy._

 _How am I seeing myself with my own eyes? Who knows. Somehow it just feels natural._

 _I close my eyes and listen. The wind makes weird noises. The roaring of the waves adds with it and makes a unique tune. A tune that is wild to the ears, but soothing to the heart. I watch the ocean. It's reflecting the sky, daring to outmatch its endlessness with its own depth. The ocean is the symbol of life. Waves crashing on the shore, never stopping, never ending. It's wild, but beautiful. It's the kind of beauty that gives you the taste of danger, that warns you not to get too close. But you are too captivated to care anyway. It's a beauty you can't look away from. It hypnotizes you, enchants you with its bare fangs. And before you know it, you are pulled into a whirlpool._

 _The ocean reminds me of someone. But I can't exactly put my finger on who it is. Is it someone I know? Or is it just a feeling hidden in my subconscious?_

 _I turn my eyes back to myself, and I see him. The one who is like the ocean. Threatening, but enchanting. Ominous, but captivating. My senses tell me that I should be staying away from this man._

 _No, that's not right. It's more like – I'm_ _ **supposed to**_ _stay away from this man._

 _Then why are his arms wrapped around me so gently right now? And why do I look so content, like I'm finally where I belong? I watch this mystery man as he stands on his tiptoes and rests his chin on my shoulder. What's his name? I feel like I know, but I can't remember. I see us watching the ocean together, hands wrapped around each other and a soft smile on both our faces. The sun emits a warm glow and his silky black hair shines like polished onyx. His cheekbones seem more defined and his lips more plump. Those eyes that I admire the most sparkles a unique shade of silvery blue, something I've never seen before. Our bodies fit together nicely, and I find myself wondering why I'm supposed to stay away from this happiness._

 _I watch the man, then myself, then him again. And suddenly, two wings rise from his back. Wings longer and broader than I've ever seen, the kind angels are supposed to have. His wings are beautiful just like the rest of him. Decorated with long and shiny feathers, not a single one out of place. One white, another black._

 _Light and dark._

 _Glow and shade._

 _Charming and mysterious._

 _Like the ocean._

 _Like_ _ **him**_ _._

 _He stretches the wings wide, flaps them lightly once, twice. Then slowly lowers them until we're both enveloped in them. I see myself smiling wider. And suddenly, his name is on my lips._

 _ **Levi.**_

I jolt awake. Body trembling and heart racing, I try to gather my thoughts. What just happened? Was I dreaming?

I look around myself, but it's too dark to see anything. I wait until my eyes adjust, then stand up. My head hurts. I walk over to the window that faces the road and open the blinds. Cold wind gushes in, making me clatter my teeth. I inhale deeply and the haziness deflates a little. I stare outside, watching nothing in particular and try to recall what I dreamt about. Nothing comes in mind at first. Then I remember waves, and wings. _And silvery blue_. One thing gets mixed into another and creates a shapeless memory that I can make nothing out of. All I remember is a whisper of a name. A name I'm painfully familiar with. And a dull ache in my chest.

I touch my cheeks. They're moist.

* * *

 **A/N:** I really wanted to add the wings of freedom. And who better to show it other than Humanity's Strongest himself? Although I changed the meaning of the wings here, relating them to the storyline. But that dream sequence just shows how deeply Eren has fallen. Well, he's just a teen who feels like he's met his knight in shining armor. Can you really blame him for falling so hard?


	11. Goodbye

**Chapter Summary:** Morning comes with a countdown. Only minutes left after Levi is gone from his life. Is this the end for them?

 **A/N:** This chapter is longer than the others, and one I really enjoyed writing. I've actually divided my whole story into three major arcs. And this chapter concludes the first arc of the story. I'm calling it the Shinganshina Arc! XD

Enjoy! ^_^

* * *

Mornings usually start with mom knocking outside my door and yelling at me to get up. That's generally after 8 on weekdays and 11 on weekends. So it's safe to say that it's an unusual start of the day for me today, as I wake up on my own and the clock reads 7:39. What's more, it's a weekend.

I look around. I'm leaning against the foot of the bed, legs stretched in front and head barely resting on the edge of the bed. My hands are sprawled on either side of my body, palms lying carelessly on the ground. I gather myself slowly while regaining consciousness and becoming aware of my surroundings. I sit up straight, twist my body left and right to get rid of any fatigue, yawn loudly, then get up on my feet.

The window beside my bed is still blinded. The only source of light in the room is the other window on the opposite wall, beside the rocking chair. Rays of sunshine descend into the room from outside, illuminating the space around. Tiny particles and dust are swirling around in the air, sparkling under the sunlight. I watch them with undivided attention for a while. Then something else catches my eyes.

My phone.

It's lying on the floor, at least most of it. The back cover has been detached and is currently lying almost half a foot away from it. I can't seem to find the battery. So I crouch on the floor and there it is. Under my desk.

While I retrieve all three pieces and put them together, I think back on last night. And I remember.

Mikasa's call.

Hanging up.

Throwing the phone on the floor.

" _That man's got a daughter almost as old as you. Do you understand now?"_

I sigh.

Yes, I do understand. I understand how wrong it is for me to want a man twice my age. I understand how immoral it is for him to desire someone his daughter could be dating, not him. And I understand that if we let this thing end here and now, it'll be better for both of us. In more ways than one.

But why do I feel a sharp pang in my chest whenever I think of letting him go?

I probably know the answer. But I'm not ready to confront it. At least, not yet. If I do that, I feel like I'll lose whatever little control I have over myself. And I can't let that happen. I don't wanna end up with a broken and unmendable heart.

So I elude myself. It's better this way.

I drag myself to the attached bathroom to unload my bladder. Then I walk over to the basin and splash my face with cold water. I look into the mirror. My reflection looks tired and worn out. Nothing like the usual fresh and energetic Eren I'm used to seeing. I try to force a smile. But it looks so horrifying that I cover the mirror with both my hands.

I take a deep breath. The heaviness in my chest doesn't deplete.

 _It'll go away_. I tell myself.

I brush my teeth, take a shower, then change into a pair of army shorts and a stone blue sleeveless shirt. I'm about to walk down the stairs to have breakfast when suddenly it hits me.

They're supposed to leave this morning.

My eyes shoot up towards the clock.

8:23 am.

I jump down the stairs two at a time, almost falling at the third step and catching myself. Then I'm rushing towards the kitchen. I find my mom humming to herself and making omelets. She turns around when she hears my labored breathing and finds me bending down and huffing, hands on my knees.

"Eren", she sounds concerned. "What's the matter?"

"H-Have they…" Deep breaths. "Have they left already?"

Mom doesn't ask who I'm talking about. She just makes a thoughtful expression before smiling and shaking her head.

I'm about to turn around and rush out of the house when–

"Hold you horses, young man!"

Yikes.

I make a tortured expression, hoping she'll let me off the hook this time. But she doesn't budge. So with slumped shoulders I walk over to the kitchen counter and start making toasts. She notices my mood of course, and comes over to ruffle my hair and peck me on the cheek.

"Go after breakfast. They won't be leaving without meeting you."

I know she's right. She's always right, somehow. And at times it pisses me off. But right now, it actually makes me feel a little better. I heave a sigh and start helping her out. We make toasts and omelets. Mom makes coffee. We sit together and talk about things while having breakfast. Well, mostly mom talks and I reply with 'Hmm' or 'Yeah'. My mind is too scattered to hold a cheerful conversation at the moment.

Mom understands. We finish the rest of breakfast in silence.

By the time I'm done washing the dishes, the clock reads 9:18. I look at mom. She smiles and throws a white jacket in my direction.

"It's cold outside."

I grin in return and pull the jacket over my shirt. I put on my white sneakers and bolt out the door before she can say something about my shorts.

"Say goodbye for me too!" is what I last hear before I'm out of the house.

* * *

There's a white car in front of the house. As I walk in through the gates, I notice the driver leaning against the car door and reading a newspaper. He turns his head at the sound of the gates screeching, gives me a once over, then gets back to his paper.

While I'm deciding whether to stand outside and wait or go in, the front door opens and a man in his late twenties walks out with Hange. The man is average looking, with short brown hair parted down the middle and honey brown eyes. He's wearing a plain grey button down with black slacks and leather shoes. Hange, on the other hand, is a little more eccentric. They're wearing a v-neck with navy blue and white stripes and sleeves pushed up to their elbows, faded jeans folded up to just below their knees and white converse shoes.

I watch as Hange seemingly tries to explain something to this brown haired guy, aimlessly flinging their arms in the process. The man looks genuinely worried, with his hands raised in defense and a nervous frown on his lips. I stifle a chuckle.

Hange is scaring the poor guy.

"Eren!" Ah! They've spotted me.

I wave at them, smiling.

"You came on your own!" Hange screeches and claps their hands like their favorite pet dog has just given birth to a cute puppy. "Thought I'd have to go over there and wake you up!"

"I'm not a kid anymore Hange", I laugh it off. But that's not the whole truth, of course. I just don't wanna admit the fact that I actually woke up earlier because my subconscious mind was hyperaware of the fact that _he_ is leaving today!

Yes, I'm an idiot. An indisputably stupid little shit who can't come to terms with his greatly misplaced feelings.

Whoa! Levi's crude mouth is rubbing off on me.

Come to think of it–

"Where is Levi?" I ask while trying to keep my expressions as neutral as possible. But that seems to be a failed attempt since my voice falters at the last syllable. And if the unusual hesitation in Hange's answering smile is anything to go by, I'd say I've also failed to hide my blush and my crazy heartbeat.

"Hange."

 _Fuck!_

I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for this.

I am so not ready for this!

I fight the desperate urge to run away. Digging my feet to the ground and keeping my eyes glued to my shoes. I can feel my body trembling ever so slightly. And I silently pray no one notices.

It's funny, isn't it? From the moment I woke up I've been dying to meet him again. And now that he's here, I can't even look him in the eye. Hell, I can't even bring myself to look at his direction!

There's a strange silence hanging in the air. Like the brewing of a violent storm. I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull. He probably thought I wouldn't show up today after what happened last night.

Well, it's his fault for making me fall so hard in the first place.

Someone clears his throat. I look up. It's that man. He looks even more distressed than before. Can't blame him actually. Poor fellow doesn't even know what's going on and has ended up in the middle of an invisible whirlpool.

"Oh right!" Hange intervenes, cutting off the silence effectively. "Eren", they look at me and motion towards the guy. "Meet my man Moblit. Moblit Berner."

"Hello", I hold out my hand. "I'm Eren Jaeger. Hange's friend and next door neighbor."

Somehow it's giving me a feel of déjà vu.

"Oh", the guy, Moblit, looks relieved as he shakes my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Eren."

"Moblit here, is going to be in charge of the house from now on", Hange butts in. "I just finished giving him a tour of the inside."

Oh, so this is the guy Hange was talking about last night. The neighbor in Stohess.

"Welcome to the neighborhood, Moblit", I grin.

He nods his head, smiling softly.

"Hange!" _Holy shit!_ For a moment, I'd forgotten Levi's here. "We're gonna be late." His voice resonates in my heart, making my nerves tingle. My head feels dizzy.

Hange checks their watch and yelps. "Yikes! It's almost 10!" Their eyes dart back at him. "What the hell Levi! We're gonna be late because of you!"

Oops! I know that look. Hange's provoking him again for no reason.

"Tch!" He doesn't even spare them a glance, much to Hange's disappointment. "I'm warning you shitty glasses. It's a fucking six hours drive to Stohess. And if I get even the slightest bit of pissed, I'll kick you straight out of the car without a single fucking word!"

I'm expecting a verbal fight again. But surprisingly, Hange holds up their hands in defense with a sheepish smile. "Okay, okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants!"

For once, Levi makes no retort. And Hange doesn't push him further.

His voice rings in my ears.

" _You should know Hange!"_

Somehow, the atmosphere around those two doesn't seem as playful as usual. I wonder if it's because of what happened last night.

"Alright!" Thick rimmed glasses turn towards me, as the owner of said accessories grip my shoulders with both their hands. "Take care snotty!" A warm smile. One hand comes up to ruffle my already messy hair. "I met Carla in the morning, but still, tell her I said bye."

"Hange…" somehow, my throat feels tight.

"Now now, don't be a crybaby!" Hange pulls out a card from their pocket and hands it to me. "Here's my number. Now we can keep in touch all the time!"

I eye the business card with Hange's contact information. "But you don't have–"

"I already got yours from Carla", they wink.

I make a face. Of course they did.

"Eren", I look up at those topaz eyes. There's compassion, and a sense of understanding in them. "Believe in yourself. In your heart."

The last three words are said in a whisper, as if they're meant for me and me alone.

I stand still.

"Let's go Levi", Hange walks past me towards the car. I hear them opening the car door and getting inside. The door slams shut. I look down at my hands. My eyes skim over the neatly written numbers. I stand quietly with my eyes lowered, and wait. For him to say something. A formal goodbye. A snarky remark. Anything at all.

But he doesn't say a word.

And then, I hear the sound of another door opening.

My eyes shoot up and I wheel around to see that he's about to get inside.

"Levi!" I shout, without any idea what I'm gonna say.

He halts. That's good. Think Eren, think! Think of something to say! Quick!

Gah! This is bad. My mind is too overwhelmed. I can't think of anything other than the fact than Levi is currently staring at me with those intense silvery eyes. I freeze, helpless under his gaze.

"What is it?" he asks, voice devoid of any emotion.

"Aah…ummm…" Fuck! Hurry up Eren!

I hear footsteps. And soon he's standing right in front of me. If I was frozen before, now I am completely and utterly paralyzed. It's a miracle that I'm still standing on my own two legs.

"I already told you what you needed to know last night", he chews out. His face shows nothing but menace. But his eyes are guarded. "Stay the fuck away from me kid."

"I heard about Isabel!" the words come out without thinking. "From… Mikasa", I finish lamely.

Damn! Why did I say that?! The situation's already tense enough, and now I've made it worse!

 _Stupid Eren! Stupid, stupid Eren!_

He stares at me for a long time. I try to read his expression, but nothing gives him away. Trying to figure out Levi is like trying to find a beautiful painting hidden underneath a blank canvas. If you try hard enough, sometimes you see glimpses of the original. But before you can uncover the whole thing, he paints it blank again.

"Is that so?" he lets out a sigh. "Good. Now you'll know better than to fawn over guys like me."

I look down. His words hurt, but I know that's exactly what he's trying to do. To hurt me, so I can move on easily. So I can hate him. But he doesn't know that I saw his outburst with Hange last night. I know how he truly feels. And I know why he's running away from it.

What do I do? What _should_ I do?

My eyes fall on the card I'm still holding. I look up at him again.

"I–I was thinking", I start with a shaky voice. "Maybe… we could exchange numbers…"

It takes him a moment to register what I've just offered. Then his eyes flare in anger.

"No no! Not in that sense!" I add hastily. "Just as… friends?"

He continues to stare at me. The anger replaced with confusion and bewilderment. I count my heartbeat. One. Two. Three. Four. Fi–

"No."

My counting stops abruptly. And I distinctly hear the snap in my brain as I lose my temper.

"Why?!" I demand furiously. "I'm just asking to be friends! What's wrong with that?!"

Have I told you before? There's a fuse in my brain that gets short circuited pretty easily. Now is one of those frequent occasions. What timing! What a _fucking amazing_ timing!

"Tch!" his scowl deepens. "If you don't understand what's wrong then you're an even shittier brat than I thought."

I stare at him, wide eyed. If it was anyone else, I'd have started a brawl by now without any second thought. But this is Levi. And even though my mind is in a haze of anger right now, I still have some sense left. And it tells me that Levi will not say something like this without a cause. He doesn't make snide comments just to insult someone. Which means he's either trying to knock some sense into me, or telling me – in his own unique way – that I'm mature enough to assess the pros and cons myself.

Of course, I'm in no state to do that right now. But I'm not so blinded by anger to cast it aside either.

So I choose to hold back for now. I ball my fists and press my lips together. Every single nerve in my body screams to lash out, but I hold my ground firmly. I keep my eyes shut tight, afraid of what might happen should they get trapped under his hypnotizing gaze again.

"Eren", I refuse to open my eyes, even when he calls my name.

I feel a soft touch. The pads of someone's fingers brushing over my jaw as if caressing something very precious. I shiver. The fingertips feel cold against my warm skin, sending goosebumps along the way. And yet, it feels oddly comforting.

Slowly I open my eyes to find the source of this newfound comfort. I see long and bony fingers, white as snow against my tan skin.

"Eren", his voice is soft and low, but cautious. I lift my face and he brushes his thumb against my cheekbone, delicate as a feather. His head is bent low, the bangs shading most of his face from my view. My heart clenches at the sight of him. He looks so… worn out. And I'm the one causing him all this distress.

The rest of the world disappears from my sight. There's no Hange waiting in the car, no Moblit standing awkwardly behind me and trying to understand what's going on, no car driver leaning against the front door.

It's just the two of us. Me and him. Him and me.

My hand reaches out on its own, but he senses it and jerks upright. I halt midway. He's looking to the side, refusing to meet my eyes. I retract my hand and wait. All the while relishing in the remnants of the tingling feeling his fingers left on my skin.

I don't count the seconds this time. I simply watch as he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and then locks his eyes with mine.

His eyes are now as blank as his face.

"Eren", he speaks a third time, the tenderness in his voice a sharp contrast to his poker face. "Take care."

And he's gone.

* * *

 **A/N:** This is a crucial moment for Eren. He's at his most vulnerable. On one hand, he's shocked by Levi's truth. But on the other hand, his emotions for the man is running deeper than he previously thought. He's just a ball of confusion and anxiety right now.

And that end part of Levi shows that there's more beneath his mask of nonchalance and indifference. We'll get to see more of that soon!

By the way, I'll start using multiple POV from the next chapter. No, not Levi yet! XP  
You'll see who's up next. So look forward to it!

Feedback is very much appreciated. Thanks for reading! ^_^


	12. Broken

**Chapter Summary:** "I've seen Eren in many conditions – angry, excited, happy, sad, annoyed, shy, tired, scared. But this – this heartbroken and pained kid – this is something I never thought I'd see."

 **A/N:** Hey! I'm back!

I'm really sorry the update got delayed. I was ready with the new chapter when suddenly my laptop crashed! And then I had to wait till I got it fixed up. But the wait is finally over! XD

This one's from Armin's POV. And like I said before, the story's gonna have Multiple POV now. I think it will be a great experience for me personally as a writer, to be able to write different characters. And also, exploring the different minds will help explain the story better too!

So... Enjoy! ^_^

* * *

 _ **~~Armin Arlert~~**_

When I woke up this morning, what I hadn't expected at all was to find an unknown man sitting in the living room of the Jaeger Residence.

Yet here I am. Standing in the space between the living room and the stairs and staring at the stranger.

My morning was pretty much usual. I woke up, brushed my teeth, had breakfast (peanut butter sandwich, if you must know). Grandpa was nowhere to be seen, probably gone for a morning walk. So I'd sneaked into his studies and was looking for a book to read – the ones I hide in here so he won't find out I read these stuff (you know, stuffs about hacking and everything) – when I suddenly remembered last night's phone call.

" _Armin."_

" _Mikasa? What's up?"_

" _Tomorrow morning. At Eren's."_

" _Huh?!"_

– _Hang up –_

Well, that's Mikasa for you. More action, less word.

I guess I should've expected it. Eren had been all over the place since yesterday. It was only a matter of time before she noticed. And there was that Levi guy. It's obvious that there's some hidden story behind his kinship with Mikasa. Otherwise, why would you behave like that with your relative?

But, there had to be more. What if these two incidents were connected somehow? Eren being unusual and the showing up of this Levi Ackerman – these two things happened during the same time, right? So perhaps, Eren's behavior was in some way related to Levi's coming here. That's got to be it! And now that I thought about it, I should've had this figured out way sooner. After all, Eren's not the least bit subtle in any way. We all saw how he was eyeing the raven the whole time.

I couldn't help smirking while I pushed my glasses up.

 _So you got yourself a crush, huh! And a hot one too! Nice going buddy!_

But then, another thought made my eyebrows scrunch. Levi Ackerman – he didn't seem particularly interested in Eren. In fact, it actually looked like he was trying to avoid him. So, was it the classic case of unrequited love? Eren was heartbroken because Levi didn't return his feelings?

I started pacing in my bedroom absent-mindedly.

Then where did Mikasa fit in? Maybe her relationship with Levi also had a part in it. Maybe she knew things about him that's making her concerned about Eren? Or was it just her motherly nature that wanted to protect Eren? Maybe Eren told her about his one-sided love and now she was trying to cheer him up?

Mikasa… cheering someone up…

My mind flooded with the images of Sasha Braus – the potato girl of our class. Tall, brown hair and brown eyes. She's the kind of person who eats their feelings, you know. If she's happy, she eats. If she's depressed, she eats. If she's scared, she eats. Simply put, she eats all the time, regardless of any other factor! And her favorite food is potato – anything and everything potato. Hence, potato girl.

So one day, she was sitting alone in the class. The short bald boy she usually hangs out with, Connie Springer, was absent for some reason. We saw her sulking and asked what's wrong. And she said the cafeteria was out of baked potatoes by the time she came in. Eren and I looked at Mikasa, because we knew she'd bought one a while ago. Now, in that situation, what do you do? You offer her the one you'd bought for yourself, right? You be nice and talk to her softly as you hand it over.

But what did Mikasa do?

She walked over to Sasha, unwrapped the baked potato and shoved it inside her mouth!

I mean, who the hell does that?! Thankfully Sasha was too happy with the potato to notice anything else; otherwise we would've had a serious problem there.

Later when we asked her, she simply said that she was trying to cheer her up. And since Sasha looked so sad, giving her the potato in the fastest way was the right choice.

Ugh! The memory still gives me nightmares!

Anyway, so that's how I decided to go along with Mikasa's plan and show up at the Jaeger residence. If she's there to cheer Eren up, I can at least try to make sure she does it right and not traumatize him further.

I'd expected to hear loud noises, maybe Eren arguing and Mikasa trying to calm him down. I was even prepared to see Hange and Levi, probably dragged in here by the impulsive idiot himself.

So when I find a nice quiet house, with no sign of fight or argument, _or either of my friends_ , I'm a little concerned. I'm even more concerned because like I told you before, currently I'm standing in the hallway just by the stair and watching a completely unfamiliar man sitting in the living room couch. To make matters worse, I'd howled _"Agent Arlert reporting! Mission: Rescue Princess Eren is a go!"_ while walking through the front door. And now, this guy is eyeing me like I've grown another head over my shoulder.

By the way, I'm Agent Arlert from the 'EMA (Eren-Mikasa-Armin) Detective Agency' that we built when we were in Junior High. Kinda lame, I know. But Eren refuses to change the name!

And yes, Mrs. Jaeger knows.

"Armin! You're here!" I'm saved from further humiliation by Mrs. Jaeger. "They've been waiting for you."

"Oh", I turn my eyes away from the man and focus on her. "Hi, Mrs. Jaeger."

She notices me taking a peek at the guy again and smiles. "That's Moblit Berner." The guy nods once, smiling. "He's our new neighbor."

"Hello", I smile, embarrassed. "I'm Armin, Eren's friend."

He laughs. "Yeah, I kind of guessed that. So you're friends with Hange too?"

Hange?! He knows Hange?

I look at Mrs. Jaeger hesitantly.

"Moblit's going to stay at Hange's while they're gone", she explains. "They're old friends."

Oh!

Now it makes sense.

This Moblit guy being here means Hange's left by now. Which means – Levi has left too. And judging by the fact that Eren and Mikasa are already here and not making a ruckus, I'd say things are far worse than I'd anticipated.

Suddenly the peaceful silence starts to feel kind of ominous.

"Mikasa is upstairs with Eren", Mrs. Jaeger's voice brings me back to reality.

"Huh?! Oh yeah, right!" I nod in acknowledgement and proceed to climb the stairs. "I'll see you later then."

* * *

Clothes scattered on the bed. Books piled up on one side. Windows blinded and lights off.

That's all I'm able to see as I open the door to Eren's room. I squint my eyes and make out a silhouette on the bed. And some kind of a huge lump next to them. The lump moves a little and I hear a groan. It's Eren's voice. So that means the silhouette is Mikasa.

I close the door and let the room submerge in darkness again. The only source of light inside is the tiny sunrays seeping through the gaps between the blinds. And to be honest, they're actually making the darkness more evident.

I look around and try to make out my surroundings, only to be surprised after a moment of inspection. For the first time, Eren's room has enough space to walk without tripping over things. What in the world motivated him to clean up anyway?

 _That's not important right now Armin!_

Right. I should focus on more urgent matters.

I walk over to the bed. I was right. It's Mikasa, sitting cross-legged on the bed. I can't exactly make out her expression, but I have a feeling it's glummer than usual.

"Hey", I greet her as I sit down facing her.

The lump moves again.

I look closely. It's a bundle of blankets. I'm pretty sure who is underneath these layers of clothes, but I choose to remain silent for now. Rather, I raise an eyebrow at Mikasa, silently inquiring about the current situation.

She sighs and shakes her head. "He's been like this ever since I came."

I look at the heap of blankets again with a worried expression. It's very rare for Eren to shield himself from his problems like this. Usually, you'd see him very upfront and stubborn about facing any difficulties head-on. But on rare occasions like this, when he curls within his own safe zone to protect himself, it's very hard to pull him back out.

I get up and walk over to the window near the bed. Sunlight floods the room as soon as I pull the blinds up. And for a moment, everything goes white. I cover my eyes to protect them from the sudden brightness, barely noticing as Mikasa does the same. When my eyes are finally able to adjust, I open them, hoping to see some movement, or at least some kind of response from my cocooned friend.

There's none.

 _The hard way then._ I think while walking back to the bed.

I settle for trying out different triggers. To solve a problem, you must first identify the cause. And to solve a problem for Eren Jaeger at his current state, you must make him come out of his shell and admit that there is one.

"Mikasa", I start. "Did you see that man downstairs?"

"Yeah", she replies uncertainly. She's trying to figure out my game-plan. Well, she'll soon see for herself as long as she keeps going with it.

"Mrs. Jaeger told me he's Hange's friend", I keep my eyes on Eren. No reaction whatsoever.

"I heard too." Good, Mikasa's starting to catch up. "He'll be taking care of the Zoe household."

"So does that mean they left already?" _Go slow Armin_.

"Hmm…" Mikasa smirks. She's got it. "I think they left this morning."

The blankets move a little. But nothing else.

We're almost there.

"That guy… what was his name? Yeah, Levi."

Sheets rustle, we hear a muffled whimper.

"What about him?" Mikasa prods.

"You said he was your relative", I continue. "Didn't he tell you before leaving?"

Mikasa stiffens a little. "He's a distant relative. We're not that close."

Okay, bad move!

I eye her apologetically. Then gesture towards Eren and mouth _'Just go with it'_.

Thankfully, she relaxes. And nods.

"But surely he said goodbye to Eren, right?" My eyes glimmer. It's the final blow. "With bittersweet parting words and promises of reunion?"

And it works.

The blankets are flung away and a very messy looking Eren Jaeger sits upright on the bed. His hair is disarrayed, eyes bloodshot (has he been _crying_?!), face puffed up. The white jacket he's wearing is crumpled at different places, probably due to the 'curling-up-inside-the-blankets' thing he was doing.

I watch him with wary eyes. There's no telling what's going on inside his head right now. This is one of those moments when he's the most unpredictable.

Come to think of it, something similar happened last year. After arguing and discussing with us for months, Eren had finally gathered enough courage to come out with his sexuality. Mrs. Jaeger had been unexpectedly supportive when he told her. If you ask me, I think she'd already known for quite some time and was waiting for Eren to be ready to tell her.

But Mr. Jaeger was another story. As you already know, he has to stay away from home for long periods of time due to his work. And when this event was taking place, he'd just returned home after six months and was planning on spending the next month with his family before leaving again. Eren had become more confident about himself after getting his mother's support. So one day at dinner, when Mr. Jaeger was teasing him about going on dates and having a girlfriend, he decided to open up to him as well.

The result? Catastrophic.

Mr. Jaeger was furious, calling him abnormal and that he was a disgrace. I can't even imagine the amount of emotional trauma he had to go through at that moment. Later when Mrs. Jaeger called us, we heard that Eren had locked himself inside his room and refused to communicate. We rushed there. And if I remember correctly, Mikasa and I had to stand outside his room till after midnight and keep talking to him one-sidedly before he finally let us in.

The inside had been a mess. He'd torn down all the posters from the walls and there were broken pieces of glass – which most likely belonged to the Disney mug his father had gotten him when he was a kid – scattered over one corner. The sheets had been pulled down and Eren had a nasty looking cut on his palm. We hurried over to him. We fixed the bed and sat him down. Mikasa held him close while I disinfected and patched up his wound. And while we were taking care of Eren, Mrs. Jaeger had a serious talk with her husband downstairs.

We spent the night together, huddled in the bed side by side and talking about this and that. Well, at first it was just Mikasa and I talking. Eren was still recovering and we were willing to wait as long as he needed. Later, he also joined in and by dawn the room was again filled with our laughter like usual.

The stress of the previous night had finally caught up and we spent the morning sleeping. It was already past school time, but none of us bothered. Then finally, Mrs. Jaeger woke us up when it was time for lunch. She invited us to stay for lunch of course. But we knew Eren needed a moment with his parents alone and also, my grandpa and Mikasa's uncle might worry too. So after a little talk with Eren about keeping his cool and having a proper discussion with his father, we left.

Later we heard that Mr. Jaeger had decided to respect Eren's choice in life, most likely because Mrs. Jaeger somehow persuaded him. But of course, he still wasn't happy about it. The relationship between those two has been tense since then. Eren doesn't like to talk about it, but it's kinda obvious.

So –

Unpredictable. Irrational. Destructive.

That's what we're waiting for now.

But to our surprise, he neither shouts nor lashes out. He just sits there staring at nothing with a blank expression.

"Eren…" I call his name softly.

He looks at me. And I can literally see as the teardrops gather in the corner of his eyes and start trailing down his cheeks, leaving behind colorless wet lines.

What is this? I've never seen him like this.

He jerks forward into my arms and wraps his hands around my chest, face buried in my shoulder and creating muffled noises. I'm at a loss what to do. I've seen Eren in many conditions – angry, excited, happy, sad, annoyed, shy, tired, scared. But this – this heartbroken and pained kid – this is something I never thought I'd see. And then I realize –

This is something I never want to see.

Sensing my shock, Mikasa takes matters into her own hand. She scoots over to my side and starts caressing Eren's back soothingly. He just whimpers and tightens his arms around me. Me? I just watch the two of them silently.

 _Snap out of it Armin! Stop being so useless._

Right!

I finally get a hold of myself and look at the broken boy in my arms. My friend. Yes, I need to be there for him. I don't know the whole situation yet, but that doesn't matter. Because right now, more than anything, Eren needs us.

With my mind made up, I move forward a little and wrap my arms around him. "Shh… we're here", I whisper gently. "It's okay." Mikasa follows suit and hugs both of us. She doesn't say anything, just holds us with warmth and offers her comfort silently. Eren moves a little so he can hug us both, face buried in our shoulders.

Mikasa Ackerman is a person with very few words, but there are times when her actions prove more effective than my words. This seems to be one of those times. Because the tension in Eren's body slowly begins to subside. Eventually, I feel him relax against my body. I look at Mikasa. And we smile.

Three way hug successful!

Eren says something. But his voice is barely audible as he's still keeping his face hidden.

"We can't hear you if you hide like that", Mikasa tells him quietly.

He makes another muffled sound, but finally raises his head a little. "Thank you", he says clearly this time.

I take a look at his disoriented state and decide that he needs to cheer up a bit.

"Man, you look horrible", I chuckle.

He looks at me and hits my forehead with his own.

"Ouch! What was that for?!" I feign getting hurt, but seeing the gleam in his eyes, I know I've succeeded.

"For being the smart-ass that you are", he pouts.

I laugh.

* * *

 **A/N:** I know, I know. A chapter without Levi! Don't worry though. Next chapter is gonna be Levi and Mikasa's backstory. Look forward to it! ;)

I really wanted to explore the trio's friendship more. And since Eren's in such a vulnerable position, it's obvious that Armin and Mikasa will be there for him. To me, Mikasa seems like a person genuinely devoted to Eren. So of course she'd be comforting him. And since we know she's less talk and more action (it's an Ackerman thing, I guess), her way of comforting him would be less verbal and more physical. As for Armin, he's always the calculative type, and yet, he gets flustered in situations that are uncommon to him. I tried to capture that here. Hope I could do him justice!

Thanks for reading! ^_^

 **MANGA SPOILERS: (DON'T READ FURTHER IF YOU'RE NOT UP TO DATE WITH THE LATEST MANGA CHAPTER)**

I'm devastated with Sasha's death! Like, how could Isayama do this?! But I guess it was inevitable. I mean, every big operation in SnK has seen losses. We lost Levi squad in Female Titan Arc, Ymir in Clash of the Titans Arc, Bertholdt, Moblit and Erwin in Return to Shiganshina Arc. So it was only a matter of time before someone died in the Marley Arc. I was actually afraid that it might be Jean, and that would've left me heartbroken because he's my second most favorite character in SnK after Levi! But still... why my dear sweet potato girl have to die! T_T

I wrote this chapter before the new SnK chapter was released. And then, when I was reviewing it for editing, I noticed Armin's little memory with Sasha and fuck! That messed me up again! :(


	13. Levi and Mikasa

**Chapter Summary:** I've met Levi Ackerman twice in my life till now. The second time, as you know, was with both of you in the school field. The first time, however, was when I was 11 years old."

 **A/N:** Whew! The Levi-Mikasa backstory is finally done and uploaded! Enjoy!

* * *

We're sitting cross-legged on Eren's bed. This time Eren is in the middle with his back against the headboard. Mikasa and I are sitting side by side facing him. We sit in silence – Eren with his eyes closed, Mikasa with an unreadable expression and me observing the other two.

He's already told us everything that happened. Quite calmly, even. And to be honest, I'm still trying to process the whole thing.

Let's state the facts first –

Eren likes Levi.

Levi _probably_ likes Eren.

Eren is 17. Levi is 34.

Levi has a 14 years old daughter.

~.~.~.~.~.~

" _Is she his biological daughter?" I asked in the middle._

 _Mikasa looked at me like I'd grown two heads._

 _Okay, okay! I put my hands up in surrender and shut up._

~.~.~.~.~.~

Fucked up. Totally fucked up. That's what this is.

"So… uh…" I decide to speak up. "What are you gonna do now?"

"I think that part is obvious", Mikasa interrupts. "There's only one thing left to do."

"And that is?"

Her eyes focus on me. "Move on."

My eyes widen at her bluntness. "Whoa! Couldn't you at least be considerate of his feelings for now? Give the guy some time!"

Her gaze doesn't waver. "Delaying will only cause more pain." She looks at Eren who's still leaning his head back with eyes closed. "I'm only trying to do what's best for him", she says, more softly this time.

"I know, but…"

"Armin", Mikasa looks at me again. But the sternness in her eyes is now replaced with concern. "Look at the situation! That man is 17 years older. Even his daughter has a better chance of getting in a relationship with Ere–" she stops abruptly when Eren groans and covers his ears with his palms.

"… Sorry", she whispers after a while. Her eyes are cast downward. I sigh and reach out to squeeze her hand reassuringly. Mikasa always means well, Eren and I both know that. But it's just that, sometimes her realistic view becomes a little too much.

We wait for Eren to recollect himself. And when he finally removes his palms and opens his eyes, the first words he speaks are directed towards our raven haired friend. "What's your relationship with Levi?"

She stares at him with an unreadable expression.

Wait, what is this now?

"Uh…" my eyes keep moving from Eren to Mikasa and then to Eren again. "Is there something I don't know?"

Turquoise and obsidian turn to me at the same time. And then with a sigh, Mikasa tells me the details of their phone call.

"Oh", I let out a breath. "So, that's how you know about Levi's daughter. Makes sense."

"I still haven't gotten my answer Mikasa", Eren's voice sounds distant. "What is your relationship with him?"

"Eren…"

He stares at her defiantly.

"Fine, I'll tell you", she sighs. "You know Uncle Kenny is my father's cousin, right?"

We nod.

"Well, Levi's mom, Kuchel Ackerman, was Uncle Kenny's twin sister."

" _Was_?" I ask.

"Yeah, _was_. From what I've heard, she had Levi when she was 17 and died while he was still just a kid."

Eren and I both open our mouth to say something, but Mikasa holds up her hand. "Let me just tell you from the beginning."

"Alright", we say in unison.

"I've met Levi Ackerman twice in my life till now", she starts. "The second time, as you know, was with both of you in the school field. The first time, however", she grabs a pillow and holds it against her chest, "was when I was 11 years old."

We say nothing.

"I don't remember it quite clearly, but I do remember it was my birthday." She looks out the window staring at nothing. "Mom and Dad decided to throw a party, talking about how it's a nice opportunity for the whole family to get together. And of course, they invited all the Ackermans. Even the ones who were disowned by their own family members."

"Disowned…?" I hear Eren whisper.

"Disowned", she reaffirms.

A moment of silence follows.

 _Oh come on!_

"Uh… guys", I squirm a little. "Maybe… we can talk about what happened _in_ the party now?"

"Oh, right", Mikasa seems to break out of her trance. "So yeah, I was celebrating my 11th birthday. Well, more like, sitting in a corner and watching the adults with boredom, and there he was. Levi Ackerman. And holding his hand was this 8 years old kid. Her brown hair tied into two messy pigtails – probably done by herself – and green eyes wide with wonder and excitement."

I shift my eyes to Eren. His eyes look distant as if he's seeing everything Mikasa just told us. And very slowly, a sad smile etches itself across his face.

"He noticed me sitting by myself at the corner and came over", she continues. Then as if remembering something funny, she snickers. "That was probably the rudest birthday wish I ever received."

"But", I intervened. "What did you mean when you said 'disowned by family members'?"

Her smile falters. "We'll get to that. At that time, I had no idea about the rift in his relationship with the rest of the Ackermans. Hell, I didn't even know who he was, other than the fact that he was a relative of some sort", she sighs. "I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for him to be in a house full of people who hated his guts."

My brows furrow in confusion. "Then why did he come?"

"Maybe he had a good relationship with my parents and didn't have the heart to turn them down", she shrugs. "I don't know for sure."

"But–" _But why did he have a good relationship with your parents when clearly, the other family members were antagonized by him?_ I wanted to ask, but realized she wouldn't know the answer to that. "Never mind. Go on."

"Well, we spent some time together, mostly just watching the others. At first I decided to ignore him, like I was ignoring most of the others. Mainly because for some unknown reason they all had something to say to me when, in the contrary, all I wanted was some peace and quiet."

I laugh. "It was your birthday Mika! Of course they wanted to talk to you!"

"Whatever", she grimaces. "Anyway, so I thought this guy would be the same. And I silently waited for the moment he starts asking nonsensical questions. Because then I'd have to get away from there and find another place to sit." She stretches her legs and leans over my shoulder, making herself comfortable. "But after a while, when he still doesn't speak a word, curiosity gets the best of me. So I raise my head to look at this mysterious guy, expecting to find him watching me with googly eyes and a forced smile."

Eren snorts. "Those are two things I can never associate with Levi Ackerman."

"Yeah", even Mikasa gives a short laugh. "But I didn't know any better then, did I?"

Sadly, I can't participate in their joke right now. Because my shoulder is starting to go numb.

"Mika", I whine. "Get up. You're heavy!"

Don't look at me like that. Have you seen her muscles? She _is_ heavy!

Mikasa gets up and gives me an irritated look, but thankfully, does nothing more. Instead, she scoots over to Eren and leans against the headboard beside him.

The story is resumed.

"Where was I?"

"Googly eyes and forced smile", Eren offers.

"Oh yeah", she sneers. "Imagine my surprise to find the man sitting beside me and watching the crowd with an expression that exactly mirrors mine. I watched him for a while – bewildered by the fact that there's someone else like me – until he sensed my eyes on him and turned his head. He raised an eyebrow as if asking what I was looking at and I quickly averted my eyes, embarrassed by the fact that I was caught staring. But then, my eyes caught the little girl hiding behind him and pocking her head out. I glared at her, hoping she'd get scared and run away. But of course not!"

Mikasa scowls, as if she's still angry that her death glare didn't work on the 8 years old.

"She just seemed even more excited and came hopping around. I looked at Levi, since I was kind of at a loss what to do. Somehow, mom and dad came up right at that moment to talk. He was Levi Ackerman, my cousin – that's all they told me. And I suppose I was still looking at the girl curiously, because then, Levi knelt down to our height and introduced us. His daughter, Isabel Ackerman."

I watch from the corner of my eyes as Eren winces hearing the name. I look at Mikasa. She seems to have taken notice too.

"Maybe I should sto–"

"No!" he cuts her off. He's sitting up straight, eyes wide and breathing heavily. We watch him with concern. He notices worried look and slowly leans back, relaxing his body and closing his eyes. "Sorry. Go on."

"But Eren…"

He looks at her and sighs. "Please Mikasa, not now."

I open my mouth to say something but Eren notices and beats me to it. "I know what you're gonna say Armin. This isn't helpful for me. That digging more into this will only hurt me more. I know, okay? I KNOW!" his eyes shine with unshed tears. "B-But… I still want to know. I feel like… like I _need_ to know!"

I close my mouth abruptly.

As it seems, going along with Eren's wishes is the best we can do right now. Well, to be honest, I'm more afraid of him doing something stupid if we don't.

I look at Mikasa from the corner of my eye and silently signal her to continue. She nods without any argument. Good! Looks like Mika's thinking along the same way as mine.

She pats him on the head. "It's okay, Eren."

I smile at him encouragingly and raise my hand for a fist bump.

He watches the two of us, then finally shakes his head and lets out a relieved sigh.

When his fist meets mine, he's smiling.

So are we.

"Anyway, so that was my first meeting with those two", Mikasa continues where she left off. "After that, I never saw him again until recently. He was never present in any of the family gatherings I attended and I wasn't much concerned about it either. So I never asked my parents. And then… mom and dad got killed in that robbery and I was sent to live with Uncle Kenny."

She says the last words with such calm and indifference – it makes my stomach lurch in an uncomfortable way. My parents are dead too, but they died when I was very little. So I don't really remember much. All the memories I have are of me with my grandpa. But Mikasa… she remembers the moments she had with her parents. The love, the happiness – she has all of those inside her heart – along with the horror and the loneliness. And yet, she can talk about it as if it was nothing.

I could never be so strong.

"I was in my last year of junior high, when one day Uncle Kenny returned home angry and drunk," Mikasa's voice brings me back to present. "He's usually very careful about these things around me, always making sure he's sober when I'm home. So this was very unusual." She grimaces at the memory. "When I went near his room, I heard him kicking the furniture and cursing someone."

She eyes Eren carefully before saying the next words. "I won't go into details. Just know that the curses weren't very pleasant and at some point the name of the person slipped from his mouth. And that's how I knew he was talking about Levi Ackerman."

Eren opens and closes his mouth several times, before sighing and motioning for her to go on.

"I confronted him the next morning when he was sober. From what I knew, I'd seen Levi once before and to me he'd seemed like a quite reasonable guy. So obviously, I wanted to know the reason of animosity between him and my guardian. But the moment I spoke his name, Uncle Kenny became furious. He said some harsh words in the heat of the moment, and I left the house. Do you remember Armin?"

My eyebrows shoot up. "So this is what that was about?!"

She simply nods.

"What? Why don't I remember?" Eren looks confused.

My memory supplies me vague images of the day Mikasa stayed over, saying her uncle wasn't coming home that night.

"Because you weren't there", I tell him. "She told me her uncle was out on duty and she needed to spend the night with us. So I took her to my house and grandpa arranged for her to sleep in."

"Oh! I remember now. That was the only day both of you came together to pick me up for school", he looks at me with narrowed eyes. "You never told me she stayed over."

"Didn't think it was important", I reply lamely.

Eren huffs.

Mikasa shakes her head in annoyance. "Do you guys wanna hear the rest of it or not?"

"Yes!" we both say at the same time.

"Alright." We shut our mouth as she starts once again. "I returned home the next day after school. And Uncle Kenny was there, looking frantic and scared. When he saw me, he flopped on the ground and started sobbing silently. I went in my room and freshened up. He was leaning against the wall beside my room when I walked out. He looked up at me and smiled. _Dontcha ever do that baby girl_ – he told me."

"You must have scared him, going off on your own like that." I tell her.

"Yeah", she says absentmindedly. "I went over and sat beside him. And then, he told me about Levi Ackerman."

Eren stiffens.

"Apparently, Aunt Kuchel had left the house when she was 16, with the man she loved. A man the rest of the family refused to accept. Five years later, they received a letter from an orphanage in Stohess. It said that Kuchel Ackerman was dead and her son was under their custody now. The Ackerman family could take him with them if they wanted. Uncle Kenny went there to investigate the matter. What he found was a 4 years old kid. When he dug in a bit more, he got to know that the lover had abandoned Aunt Kuchel shortly after she'd fled with him. Already pregnant with his child, she had nowhere to go except surrender herself to prostitution in order to survive. And that's where Levi was born."

She pauses to take a breath. "When Uncle Kenny returned and informed his father about the whole situation, he refused to accept a boy whose mother had disgraced the family name and whose father's identity was dubious. And so they left the boy to his own fate."

I look at Eren. He looks ready to smash something. "Eren", I squeeze his shoulder gently. "Relax."

Mikasa takes a look at him, but doesn't stop. "The family had totally forgotten about him, until that day they met him. My birthday. That was also the day they got to know that my parents had secretly been bearing the cost of his well-being and education." She laughs humorlessly. "They'd been furious, or so Uncle Kenny told me. They'd protested in every possible way, but my parents stayed firm on their ground. Although they'd been forbidden to ever invite him in any of the family gatherings since then. I doubt he would've come, even if they did. The family's hostility wasn't unknown to him, after all."

"What about his… daughter?" Eren asks quietly.

She looks conflicted. "I don't know much about that myself. All I know is that she's about 3 years younger than us and that her mother is dead. I don't know if they were married though."

We sigh in unison.

And then, I remember something. "Why was Uncle Kenny so angry about him that night? Did he tell you?"

At this, she actually laughs. "Believe it or not Armin, Uncle Kenny told me he'd tried several times to form an amiable relationship with that man. He told Levi that he wanted to support him the way my parents used to. But he refused, saying that my parents had their right over him because they stood by him when he had no one. That he didn't need someone – someone who never bothered about his existence – to pity him after all these years. _Ungrateful bastard won't let go of his ego_ – Uncle Kenny said."

"It's not ego", Eren says defiantly. "It's self-respect."

"I know", she looks at him with amusement. "I think what Uncle Kenny wanted was a chance to rectify his past mistake. But he was given none. It was his frustration talking."

She lifts herself and stretches her hands, getting rid of the stiffness. "And that concludes the story of How-I-met-your-crush."

I fall back on the bed, with both hands under my head. Eren and Mikasa do the same. Together we lie on the bed in different angles and look up at the ceiling, surprisingly all of us thinking about the same person at the same time.

Levi Ackerman.

* * *

 **A/N:** Announcement guys! Next chapter's gonna be Levi's POV! Yay! Finally! XP

I got super delayed on this one! Really sorry about that! I promise I'm trying! Hopefully, the next chapter will be uploaded in time.

On a different note, I missed the live streaming of Yuri on Ice! Concert yesterday (so sad!), but I'm super excited about the movie! I'm so glad they finally announced it! Any YOI fans here?! Let's scream together! XD


	14. Back to Day One: Levi Version

**A/N:** Ahh... this chapter's a bit short. Well, what actually happened is that the actual chapter was getting a little too long. So I kinda decided to divide it into two chapters. This one's the first part. I'll post the next one as soon as I can!

 **Chapter Summary:** Levi's POV on what happened after the 'Vertigo' movie.

* * *

 _ **~~Levi Ackerman~~**_

"You're thinking about him."

What the–?!

Have you ever thought of burning someone to ashes by looking at them? I have. Wait, no. Actually, I am. Right now!

And that someone is a vile creature called Hange Zoe.

"Don't look at me like that Levi", they start again, completely ignoring my glare. "I'm not the one who gave up on his chance to find love and fled."

 _Are you fucking shitting me?!_

"Hange", my voice is low and feral. "Just shut the fuck up!"

"I'm only stating the fact."

 _Fact, my ass!_ I turn to my side a little so I'm facing them. "Stating the fact, are you? Then why don't you state the other facts too? That I'm a filthy pedophile."

"The term is 'ephebophile', if you must know. And no, you're not. You don't consider every 15 to 19 years old you see as a potential sex partner."

Huh–? "What?!"

"It's pedophilia if you're exclusively attracted to children; and by children I mean younger than 13. So, no Levi. You're not a pedophile. And like I said, you don't quite fall under the criteria for ephebophiles either."

"He's seventeen, you shit! And if you don't know yet, seventeen comes _between_ 15 to 19. Which does put me under your definition of ephebophile or whatever!"

"You're missing my point Shorty", they reply with sigh. "You're an ephebophile if your sexual preference is restricted to mid-to-late adolescents. But in your case, you were attracted to a guy you thought to be in his early twenties. And by the time you got to know the truth, you'd already fallen for him."

"I did NOT fall for that brat!" Yes, it was merely a physical attraction. Nothing else. Nothing at all.

"Keep lying to yourself Levi. Let's see how long you do that."

 _Fucking–_

"Shut up! It doesn't matter, does it?!" I grit my teeth. "The truth is that I got my eyes on a fucking child!"

"Eren is not a child, Levi."

God! I can't believe how unreasonable they are. "I'm almost old enough to be his _father_!"

"But you're not!" They wink. "Soon he'll turn 18 and then both of you are free to do what you want."

I close my eyes and sigh. It's Hange fucking Zoe. What did I expect to hear anyway?

* * *

 **/Flashback/**

I'm sitting on the couch, munching popcorn. And trying to look like I'm not watching Eren Jaeger from the corner of my eye.

The brat's talking with shitty glasses. We've just finished watching 'Vertigo' and he is now about to leave.

Tch! Fuck being discreet. Who cares if I watch him anyway! It's his fault that he's such a pleasure to the eye.

My eyes follow the movement of his fingers as he runs his hand through the messy chestnut hair, making the locks even more unruly than before. I can't help as my eyes travel lower. The glossy olive skin of his neck peeking right above his collar, the slight curve of his waist, the nervousness in his posture as he feels my eyes on him – I drink in everything. It's fascinating how the moss green hoodie brings out his sparkling jade eyes. I don't think I've ever seen eyes like his. So bright and lively, yet full of warmth.

And suddenly I'm thankful to Hange for dragging me here with them.

What? You think it's love at first sight? Don't be an idiot! I'm not cut out for bullshit like that.

It's just his body that attracts me.

Yes, that's right. Just a physical attraction. Nothing more. I'm too old for all those emotional crap anyway. Besides, I'm in no position to even entertain such an idea. I have Isabel. And she is my number one priority. I have neither the time nor the place for anything else in my life right now.

But… as much as I hate to admit it, I am bounded by the basic human needs, one of them being the need for carnal pleasure.

Surprised? Sorry to disappoint you, but even the great Levi Ackerman needs a good fuck every now and then. So call me guilty if you want, but I will not deny that I find the brat very much appealing. And do not think for a second that it's anything more than that.

It's true that I like his eyes. That his smile might just make my heart flutter a tiny bit. And there's something about him – something that makes me feel kinda weird inside. But that's all there is to it. What I want – is just a one night stand. No promises, and definitely no feelings other than lust.

Yeah, you got it right. I wanna hook up with the pretty boy. I wanna fuck him senseless and watch that pretty face fall apart in ecstasy. I want to hear him scream my name as he loses himself in pleasure. And judging by the way he's been staring at me, I'd say I'm right on track.

Just before leaving, he turns around. His eyes find mine and I watch with hungry eyes as a delicious blush spreads all over his face. It even covers his neck and probably lower too – and I smirk, feeling the burn of guilty pleasure in the pit of my stomach as I mentally undress him and watch his naked skin flush in embarrassment.

"See you around, brat." I drawl, my eyes still fixed on him.

He blushes another shade.

"I-I'll get going then." And off he goes.

"He's grown up so much", Hange says suddenly, sounding like a mother goose praising her child.

When I say nothing in reply, they speak again. "Doesn't look like he's only seventeen, does he?"

Wait, what?!

I stare at them with wide eyes. "Seventeen…?" I hiss out.

They look at me with confusion. "Yeah, why?"

Why?! They're asking me why?!

Does it mean I've been having sexual fantasies about a child?! A fucking child?! If Hange's right, then that means… he's just a high schooler!

Wow! This is great. Just fucking great! I, Levi Ackerman, was thinking of having sex with a frigging high school kid. What the fuck! I knew he's young. But come on! I thought he'd at least be over 20!

"Is this supposed to be some shitty joke?!"

Hange looks at me like I've grown two heads. "Why the hell would I joke about Eren's age?"

"…"

I stare at them, unable to form any words. My head feels heavy. I don't know what to think.

And then, I feel the sudden urge to punch myself.

17… _Fuck!_

I think about Izzy and laugh out humorlessly. What would she think if she knew her dad was into kids her age? She'd hate me forever! And Eren… that poor kid doesn't even know what he's gotten himself into. What would he think once he finds out?

 _He'd be disgusted!_

Yes, that's right. He has every right to be disgusted. Hell, even _I_ am disgusted with myself.

I close my eyes, and every moment from the past few hours flashes before my eyes.

" _Relax kid. I don't bite."_

" _The sooner the better, I suppose."_

" _Why? He's not a kid anymore."_

" _He's cute."_

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

I have to forget this whole thing and pretend nothing happened. The secret glances, the intentional flirting, the unexplainable connection I know we both felt – I have to erase it all.

It's for the best.

 **/End of Flashback/**

I should never have agreed to come to this stupid trip. Well, it's not like I came because I wanted to. Strictly speaking, I was blackmailed.

By none other than Hange fucking Zoe.

* * *

 **A/N:** This chapter finally opens a new window. We get to see the other side of the story. What Levi was thinking, how he saw Eren and what went through his mind when he realized the truth. Aaaand... there's more to come! Next chapter will focus more on Levi's backstory and his struggle, Isabel... and Isabel's mom! ;)

So wait for it! XD

Thank you so much for reading my story! Feedback is very much appreciated ^_^


	15. Story of a Dark Prince

**A/N:** A closer look on Levi's past.

Early update, yay! This is a chapter i'm really proud of. I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys enjoy it too!

 **Chapter Summary:** "It's ironic how life gives you happiness in one form and takes it away in another, isn't it? Stupid fucking life!"

* * *

The day Hange asked me to come with them is still vivid in my memory. I remember I was working on one of our regular projects, when they came jumping in my room asking for money.

~.~.~.~.~.

" _What money?"_

" _Oh, come on Levi! Don't back out now. Yesterday we made a bet on whether Erwin wears boxers or briefs, remember? I stole his keys and sneaked into his apartment last night to investigate. And guess what?! He wears briefs! I WIN!"_

" _You. Did. WHAT?!"_

" _Gah! Are you deaf? I said I stole his keys and sneaked into his apartment last night to–"_

" _Shut up! I don't wanna hear any more!"_

" _Mmm… well, whatever. But I won! Gimme the money!"_

" _I never agreed to that stupid bet, you shithead! It was all you and your crazy brain."_

" _But you didn't say no either!"_

" _Because it's a waste of my breath to talk about nonsense like that!"_

" _Huh! A win is a win Levi! You gotta pay! Look I even have photos to prove–"_

" _Arghhh! Take that away from my sight!"_

" _My money, Leviii…"_

~.~.~.~.~.

What a nightmare! In the end they managed to make me take out my wallet to pay for that stupid bet. And the moment I did, it was snatched away.

~.~.~.~.~.

" _What the fuck Hange! Give it back!"_

" _Whoa! Who's this?"_

" _Who?"_

" _This cutie pie in your wallet!"_

"… _My daughter, Isabel. Now give it back."_

" _You have… a daughter?!"_

" _Is there something wrong with that?"_

" _No! It's just… I never saw her until today!"_

" _Because you've been to my house only once, and it was during her school hours."_

" _What the hell?! And here I thought you were gay!"_

" _Wha-?! Why would you think that?"_

" _No use hiding from me Levi. I saw you eyeing those guys the last time we went drinking."_

" _I was not."_

"…"

"…"

"…"

" _Fuck you."_

" _Heh. So, which is it?"_

" _Argh! You're so annoying!"_

" _C'mon! Tell me! Tell me!"_

"… _I'm bisexual."_

" _Ah… amazing. There's always something new to learn about you, shorty! Hell! I didn't even know you're married."_

" _I'm not."_

" _Err… what?"_

" _I am not married, you idiot. My girlfriend died right after Izzy's birth."_

" _Oh… I-I'm sorry."_

" _Tch. It's fine. It's all in the past anyway."_

"…"

"…"

" _Levi…?"_

" _What?"_

" _Your daughter is really pretty."_

"… _Don't say something so obvious, shitty eyes. Of course she is."_

~.~.~.~.~.

Isabel, my princess.

To be honest, I was quite shocked when Petra first told me she was pregnant. Who wouldn't be? Being told that you're gonna be a parent when you're barely 20 – for someone like myself, living in the dorm and attending college on a scholarship, that was nothing less than a shitstorm. Petra understood. Living alone and fending for herself since a young age, she'd had her experiences in life too. And being together for the past 3 years, she knew my struggles, my limitations.

"It's okay to let go" – she'd said. I didn't have to take responsibility if I didn't want to.

Would've been better, wouldn't it? Forgetting the whole thing and focusing on future. There's always an easier choice.

But how could I? All my life I'd been starved for a family of my own. At first, it used to hurt. But then, I suppose my senses started to dull gradually and the pain reduced into a throbbing ache. I'd almost forgotten all about it. But that day, when the possibility of having a family of my own was shining so brightly before my eyes, I just didn't wanna let it go. I loved Petra, and I wanted my own family. So why not now, when life was giving me a chance?

Huh! It all sounds so nice and dandy, doesn't it? Levi is so cool, so romantic. But you know what actually made me take that decision? When I thought of letting go, I saw the shadow of my father in me. My mother never told me about him when she was alive. I was too young to be told anyway. Whatever little I know about him, I'd learned from Mikasa's parents. They're the ones who told me about my parents. That my mom had left everything for his sake; and that he'd thrown her away like a piece of trash.

How was I any better than him if I was doing the same thing he did to my mother? How could I forsake my lover for fear of responsibilities when I was equally responsible for the current situation?

I couldn't do this to Petra! I loved her.

And so, we moved in together.

It was fun, the days we spent together. The feeling that there was someone waiting for me at home, that I won't have to eat alone anymore – it was so fulfilling. It wasn't long before we'd started dreaming of a happy future. We knew life would get harder once our child was born, but we were ready. We had each other, and that was enough.

But then, in the autumn of the 20th year of my life, she gave me the best gift of my life, our daughter.

And left.

Complications during childbirth, the doctor said. It's ironic how life gives you happiness in one form and takes it away in another, isn't it?

Stupid fucking life!

It wasn't easy raising a child all by yourself while you're still a student. I remember how I had to balance my studies and two part time jobs, just to cover both our expenses. I was so busy that I didn't even have time to mourn the loss of my love. There were moments when I'd feel like quitting, because it hurt too much to go on without her, to live a life we were supposed to share together. The pain would seep through all my veins, tormenting me, suffocating me. But then, I'd remember her soft smile, gently urging me to get back up and move on.

For her. For us.

For our child.

You know, all I have of her is a photograph we took on our first date.

Sometimes I'd feel like it was all a dream. That I'd wake up and find Petra sleeping beside me. And when I'd call her name, she'd open her eyes and smile. But as days passed on, the other side of the bed remained cold and empty. Each morning was a reminder of the bitter and harsh truth.

She was never coming back.

But life doesn't stay still for the dead, nor do the living. They move on, carrying the memories of those left behind in their heart. So did I.

After all, I was all my daughter had. I couldn't give up.

And then, there was my responsibility as a father to take care of her. As a kid brought up in an orphanage, I was well aware how the absence of a father figure could affect a child's psychology. I never knew my father, and my mother died when I was four. I didn't want my daughter to suffer the way I did. I wanted to be there for her – as a father should – no matter how hard it got. And soon, my whole world started revolving around Isabel. Class, work, Izzy – that's all there was in my life. And I was happy.

We were happy.

 _I'll always be thankful to you, Petra. Because Isabel gave a new meaning to my life. And you gave me Isabel._

After I finished my graduation and started looking for full time jobs, I met Erwin again. He used to be my senior in high school, and by then he had his own advertisement company. The company was very small at that time, just starting to rise. He offered me to join, saying it'd be easier to work towards his dream if he had his friends with him.

As for me, I needed money. And Erwin was an old friend. There was no reason not to accept.

Life went on much more smoothly after that.

Wait. I'm way off track, aren't I? What was I talking about?

Ah yes. I was telling you how I ended up going to Shiganshina with Hange.

Speaking of Hange, that shitty eyes is always doing as they please. This time too, dragging me with them, saying I'd love to meet their stupid friend.

Eren fucking Jaeger!

~.~.~.~.~.

" _Did your girlfriend have green eyes?"_

" _It's Petra. And no, her eyes were brown."_

" _But then… why does Isabel have green eyes?! Shouldn't they be like… brown… or black?"_

" _Who knows? Maybe the man that got my mother pregnant had green eyes."_

" _That was… harsh."_

" _Tch. Whatever."_

" _You know Levi, her eyes remind me of my friend."_

" _What friend?"_

" _The one back home I told you about. Eren."_

" _Oh, the snotball brat."_

" _Heh! You do remember! His eyes are this weird mix of green and gold, you know?"_

" _What in the world are you saying?"_

" _It's true! They usually look ocean green, but then when the sun hits his face, they kinda sparkle with a golden hue!"_

"… _You're quite the obsessed one."_

" _Huh?! No, no, no! What I'm trying to say is that you'll like him!"_

" _Beg your pardon?"_

" _Come on Levi! He's beautiful, bold and passionate and he has the prettiest eyes! You're gonna be forever grateful to Hange the matchmaker."_

" _I don't even know what to say to that. How about… ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!"_

" _Don't be such a grumpy ass Levi. Let the love fairies find you for once. Let the passion of young love sweep you off your feet."_

" _Hange…!"_

" _I'm going to Shiganshina next week. And you're coming with me."_

" _No way."_

" _Yes way! You're definitely coming with me and meeting Jaegerbomb!"_

"…"

" _You're coming Levi. Or else I'll tell the entire office how you secretly take photos of Erwin's undies and jerk off to them every night."_

" _Wha-?! You're the one who took those photos!"_

" _But they don't know that, do they?"_

~.~.~.~.~.

Do you get it now, why I wanna incinerate that shitface?

In the end, I did end up going with them. I'd tried not to, really. First of all, because I had absolutely no reason to go. And secondly, Shiganshina was the last place I wanted to go. I already knew that the Ackerman residence was there. A place I visited only once in my life and vowed to never go back. It's true that I carry my mother's family name, but that doesn't mean I have any intention of reuniting with them after being treated the way I was.

So… Shiganshina? No thanks!

Believe me or not, I even went to Erwin and told him about Hange's blackmail, but he just brushed me off. That fucking eyebrows! And then, shitty glasses started calling Isabel behind my back, exaggerating how I'd cruelly declined their helpless plea for a favor. How did they get her number anyway?!

When Izzy told me I had to help her friend, I had no idea she was talking about shitty glasses. I'd never have promised to help if I did.

So yeah, that's how I ended up going to Shiganshina, met Eren Jaeger and that became the biggest fuck up of my entire life.

You ask me why? Because Hange was right. Because the brat has the prettiest fucking eyes I've ever seen and now I can't get those damned eyes out of my mind!

* * *

 **A/N:** Poor Levi. Even I felt bad giving him so many misfortunes so early in life. Well, the past tragedy is what makes him the person he is today. Also, since I ship Rivetra quite a bit, I wanted to make her a part of his love life. I'm sorry if some of you are not comfortable with this ship. Don't worry though. She's mainly here to signify Levi's past. And my story is about Levi's present and future, about Eren.

Next chapter is again gonna be from Eren's POV. It'll focus on how he's dealing with Levi's absence and his heartbreak. Look forward to it! XD

And as always, thanks for reading! ^_^

Acti


	16. Mending a Broken Heart

**Chapter Summary:** Eren's life during the next two months after Levi's departure.

 **A/N:** It's an emotional one. And I've suddenly realized that I make Eren cry a lot! XP

* * *

 _ **~~Eren Jaeger~~**_

Mikasa says I look dead as a corpse.

If it was any other time, I'd have fought with her and tried to prove her wrong. Like that time when I was miserably defeated in a fistfight against Annie in front of the whole class and locked myself in my room for the rest of the week just to hide from embarrassment. Mikasa called me and said I was behaving like a coward and surely, that had me triggered. I'd woken up the next morning with a new determination, attended all my classes with a square face while ignoring the mocking and continuous leers from some of the students. I honestly thought it'd go on for days, but then for some mysterious reason those jerks backed down. I still suspect it had something to do with Mikasa giving them a silent threat or something. One she never confirmed.

Anyway, so that would've been a normal response for me. Fighting back, getting fired up. And I'm pretty sure that's what Mikasa's been trying to do. But somehow, that fire's been dulled.

Now, I just don't care. Or, more like, I can't bring myself to care.

It's like he took all my passion with him when he left.

Armin says I'm being melodramatic. Maybe I am. Maybe it's just a teenage thing, a phase that'll pass away with time. But at this moment, to me what I'm feeling is real. Even if it is a phase, that doesn't mean my feelings right now are any less important. Even if this pain I feel in my chest is temporary, that doesn't make it hurt less.

I wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way.

Heh, I must be. After all, he's an experienced and mature adult. He knows how to control himself and his emotions. Unlike me, a pathetic little shit.

Me, who can't even bear to hear his name without feeling like someone just punched a hole in my chest.

I've been trying though. To move on, I mean. But to be honest, I don't want to. I really don't. All I wanna do is just lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling while my mind replays those two days over and over, like I'm doing right now.

"Eren!"

Of course, those two won't let me.

I drag my eyes away from the ceiling. Making my head turn towards the voice takes much more effort, like my body is too heavy and my muscles are too weak. I know it's just the depression making me feel this way, but it's better to pretend to just be tired. That way, I don't have to deal with reality.

Or the fact that my heart is lying around, stomped all over and shattered in tiny pieces.

I'm too tired to pick them up anyway.

"Get up! Get up!"

Damn! Why is Armin being so noisy?

I take a pillow and smother my face with it, effectively shutting the outside world.

"Eren."

Great, now she's here too!

I feel a tug at my pillow and tighten my grip on it. Mikasa can be stronger than me, but that doesn't mean I'll go down without a fight.

I am a capable human being who has every right to shut himself in his room and wallow in self-pity. Why's that so hard to grasp?!

I groan when the pillow is finally pulled away from my face and neatly placed against the headboard. I roll over to bury my face in the sheets. I don't want them to see my face. They'll take one look at my bloodshot eyes and know I've been crying.

Fuck! Why am I so miserable?!

There's a hand in my hair, softly stroking. It feels good. Okay, maybe I'm not so annoyed that they're here. God knows how worse I'd have been if not for these two constantly checking up on me to make sure I'm doing okay.

I sigh.

The least I can do is try.

I push myself up to a sitting position. Hands clasped together on my lap, eyes cast downward–

"I wanna go to the beach."

From the corner of my eye, I see them smile.

Apparently, it was a very bad decision.

"We should head back", Mikasa says for the third time while eyeing the angry clouds currently engulfing the sky.

Armin says something in reply. But I pay no attention. I'm too captivated by the sight before me.

The ocean looks _wild_! Dangerous and wild. And so gorgeously beautiful. My eyes get transfixed on the endless rounds of waves crashing on the shore, loud and brutal, like a demon with a silver tinted crown and wings made of water. Tossing around everything on its way and then pulling back again, and then another one coming right after it.

I take a step ahead unconsciously.

 _The ocean reminds me of him._

There's a soft tug at my sleeve and I look back to see Mikasa holding onto my shirt and staring at me with knowing eyes.

I turn around and fall into her arms, suddenly feeling too tired to hold myself upright.

A shaky breath escapes my lips. "I miss him…"

As if on cue, the rain begins to fall mercilessly, drowning all the words and washing away my tears. I feel her hands wrap around me while she slowly lowers us to the ground. Wet sand clings to our already soaked clothes, but we pay no mind. I cling to her desperately with one hand while my other hand reaches out and soon there's another hand intertwining with my fingers. Two pairs of arms hold me close with tenderness I probably don't deserve, and I finally let go, sobbing my heart out on their shoulders.

Letting the tears carry everything on their way out.

The pain.

The heartache.

The despair and regret and _nothingness_!

It's probably an odd sight to anyone. Three teenagers sitting under a storm while the ocean in front of them threatens to drown them any second, clinging onto each other and crying and laughing at the same time.

* * *

" _L-Levi…"_

" _You like it brat?"_

" _Aahh… yes!"_

 _His body hovers over me, eyes locked with mine and hand stroking my shaft. I feel mesmerized by those liquid silver orbs, intoxicated by the sweet breath fanning all over me every time he exhales. The slender fingers wrapped around me move up and down, twisting occasionally and shooting bursts of pleasure through my veins. It feels so good it hurts!_

 _Suddenly his lips are on my neck, sucking and nibbling on the skin. My body feels hot hot hot! The place where his lips touch burns as if in flames. And I seek more of it! My hands fly to cover my mouth, but he growls. And it sounds so raw and undeniably carnal that it's a wonder I'm able to hold back from coming._

" _Let…" he's panting and sweating and glistening. "Let me hear those pretty sounds."_

 _It's no use after that. I let out an embarrassingly loud whimper. And he grunts in appreciation._

" _Yes Eren", his voice sounds breathless. "Show me. Show me how good I make you feel!"_

 _The moans are unstoppable now. My body rocks up and down in sync with his hand. Tears stream down my face, turning me into a mess of sweat and tears and precum. He lowers his head to lap at the saltiness, licking every bit of it. It only makes me whine louder._

" _Levi… Levi please…" I'm unable to form full sentences now. There's a need deep inside me that demands to be sated. I can't figure out what it is, but I need it! Oh, I need it so bad!_

" _What is it brat?" his usually calm voice has turned rough and strained._

" _I… I need… I want…" I can't think! I can't think!_

" _What do you want…?!" he keeps talking, making every delayed second an added torture for me. My mind goes haywire!_

" _I don't– I don't know!" I cry out in despair. "Give it to me Levi… please give it to me!"_

 _He smirks. Then speeds up. And I'm lost in a world of pleasure._

" _Levi… Levi… Levi…!" is all I remember. And I keep chanting._

" _Yes, say my name!" he growls. "You're mine brat. Don't forget!"_

" _I w-won't…" I'm right at the edge. Just a bit more. Just a little! "I'm yours! I'm yours!"_

 _He looks into my eyes, face inches away from me. And he whispers._

" _Come for me Eren."_

 _White hot pleasure courses through my body, starting from between my legs and then spreading all over. And I melt in its heat. Looking into that silver blue ocean, with a name repeating itself over and over on my lips._

"Levi…!"

My eyes snap open and I find myself sitting upright on my bed with messy sheets and sweaty clothes. Alone. I run my fingers through the wet strands on my head, breathing heavily and looking around.

 _What the hell was that?!_

I look down and evidently, the proof is there – in the form of soiled boxers. I lie back down with a sigh. This is hopeless! Just when I thought I could try to move on–

I had to have a fucking wet dream about Levi fucking Ackerman!

* * *

It's been a month since I last had a meal outside my room.

At the beginning, mom got really worried, standing outside my door and constantly asking what was wrong.

All I gave her was silence.

What was I gonna say? That I got my heart broken by a man I'm not even supposed to fall for? How will she react once she knows? Will she be disgusted? Will she be sad and hurt… and disappointed?

I've already dealt with a parent's disappointment before, and it didn't go well at all. I'm too tired and scared to deal with another.

Eventually though, she stopped asking questions. Food began appearing before my doorstep, and empty plates received without a word. It was painful, to be honest. I knew I was hurting her. I didn't want to, but I didn't know what to do either. How to face her, what to say to her – I didn't know anything.

And so it went on like that.

But it's been long enough. Just because I'm a sore loser who can't pull his shit together doesn't mean I have the right to hurt the others around me too. I need to fix this.

And that's how I find myself walking down the stairs this evening, finally having mustered up the courage to get out of my nest and have dinner with my mom after a whole month.

There's a look of surprise on her face when she notices me at the foot of the stairs, which is soon replaced by a warm and loving smile.

"Dinner?" she asks softly.

I nod.

"Coming right up!" she grins and disappears into the kitchen.

I mentally kick myself. What the fuck was I so afraid of?

We eat in silence, which is unusual because I'm always the one being loud and talking with mouth full of food whenever we eat together. I look at mom from the corner of my eye, still feeling awkward and unsure. But she seems happy. And when her eyes catch mine, she offers me a smile.

A smile that tells me it's okay. That she understands.

I look down on my plate and resume eating, a warm feeling budding in my chest and a ghost of a smile finding its way to my lips.

After I'm done with the dishes, I walk into the living room. But mom is not there. Which can only mean she's in her room. I stand there, debating whether I should go to her or back up the stairs to my own room. It'll be easier to just go back and sulk, and I'm almost tempted to do so. But then, I remember her smile upon seeing me tonight, and before I can think, my feet have already carried me in front of her room.

She looks up from the book she's reading, a hint of curiosity behind her eyes. Then she beckons me inside. And I don't waste another second.

I stumble on my way to the bed, crawl over the sheets, then bury my face on her lap. I hear her putting the book aside, and soon long and thin fingers are threading through my hair, caressing my scalp in a soothing manner. I feel myself relax as her ministration slowly drains the tension away from my body and mind.

I should've come to her sooner. How stupid of me!

" 'm sorry mom…" I mumble against her.

Her fingers halt for a split second, then resume their track though my locks. I close my eyes and sigh contently. And then, I hear the soft and gentle humming.

She's singing me a lullaby.

 _The winds sweep away soul  
And people snatch away hearts  
Nevertheless, I shall remain in this place  
And continue singing  
Please, somehow  
Send my song to where it must reach  
Please, somehow  
Receive and accept this song of mine…_

I listen quietly, noticing how her voice perfectly captures the soothing tune, how it goes high and low with the notes. The words feel like they're flowing in the air and brushing over me tenderly. Carrying loneliness and yearning and longing. And the more I hear, the more I feel in tune with them.

My arms close around her waist and I nuzzle my face further in her lap. Her touches turn softer, her voice goes lower. But the song goes on.

And before I know it, I find myself singing with her, hoping against hope that somehow this song will carry all my feelings…

… _To him._

* * *

It was the beginning of winter when Hange came back. Now it's nearing the end. I haven't contacted them since. I'm afraid of turning back into the hopeless broken mess if I do.

School is busier than usual with the end of term approaching and everyone seems to be in a rush with last minute preparation.

Me? I'm a little better, I guess. With the pressure of finals over my head and those two constantly nagging to make sure I'm studying properly, there's very little time for stray thoughts in my head.

It's good.

I can't say I've recovered completely. Of course not. That'll take quite a while. But at least now I know that there's a chance. That I _can_ get back up if I really try. Even though the midnight dreams beg to differ. But that's not important.

The question is – do I want to try?

I shake my head and focus on the text in front of me. I gotta prepare for the exams. This is no time to ponder over unnecessary thoughts.

A soft knock at the door breaks my contemplation.

I turn around to see mom entering the room with two cups. She smiles when I look at her hands curiously, then places a cup in front of me.

"Hot chocolate?!" I grin.

She chuckles, ruffling my hair. "All the best sweetheart."

Something warm fills my heart and I feel my lips curving into a genuine smile. This is one of those moments when I really feel like I wanna try and move on. If not for myself, then at least for the ones around me.

"Mom?"

She turns around from the door, waiting for me to speak. When I say nothing, she walks back to me. From the corner of my eye, I see her take a seat on my rumpled bed.

"Why do you never ask about it?" my voice trembles as I ask the question that's been bugging me for days.

To my surprise, she smiles. "Because I know you'll tell me when the time is right."

My head snaps up to look at her.

Is this woman for real? I ignored her for a whole month, never considering how she was feeling. And then when I returned, messed up and disoriented, she accepted me with open arms without ever asking for any explanation.

How can she have so much faith in me when I've been nothing but a wreck for the past two months? How is she so strong?

I ignore the loud screech my chair makes as I drag it across the floor to scoot closer. And soon my head finds shelter on her shoulder. It's funny, isn't it? I'm already seventeen years old. Boys my age don't cling to their mother like I'm doing right now.

But when did I ever care? This woman is my source of strength. And that's exactly what I need the most right now.

"I… I like someone", my voice is barely a whisper. "Someone I shouldn't…"

Her hand comes up to wrap around my shoulder. She hums.

"I'm t-trying… to move on… b-but!" _Damn! Why am I choking?!_

"Sshh…"

"I d-don't know if I can, mom!" the words start rushing out. "I don't know if I w-want to!"

She holds me close while choked sobs send tremors through my body.

"It'll be alright baby." Her fingers brush up and down my arm. "You'll need time. But it'll be alright in the end."

"H-How do you know?"

I feel her lips press against my forehead. "I just do."

I don't know how many minutes pass like that. Or hours, I couldn't really tell. When I finally raise my head, she gently wipes my tears away and places a kiss on my cheek.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"You didn't even ask who it is…"

She offers another smile. "Like I said Eren, I know you'll tell me when the time is right." She pauses. "And when you do, I'll be there for you."

I wrap my arms around her and smile. After a long time I'm feeling content. Somehow, it feels like things will get better from now on.

If only I knew how wrong I was.

* * *

 **A/N:** Whew! So much angst! Well, it's a teenager's first love after all. But no matter how painful the situation, I want my boys to have people around him who are always there to support! It's a little difficult to make Levi accept any kinda support - which is why we need someone a bit too nuts like Hange! XP Compared to that, Eren's much more easygoing. It does take a bit of persuasion, but of course, Mikasa and Armin know just how to get inside his skin.

Also, I wanted to portray Carla as a supporting mother who doesn't impose anything on her child. We don't get to see much interaction between Eren and Carla in canon, and whatever little of it we do get, she seems overprotective of him. I guess it's obvious, I mean which mother would wanna send their son to the Recon Corps? But I wanted to bring out a different characteristic of her here. Since Grisha's not around much and also he and Eren are not quite in good terms recently, the boy needs to have a supportive parent!

By the way, the lullaby Carla sings - it's sung by Nezumi in No. 6 (Voiced by Hosoya Yoshimasa who also voices Reiner in SnK). It's a beautiful song! Here's the link if you wanna listen: wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcomSLASHwatch?v=D4-6wfk5rpU

Next chapter will be from Levi. We'll get to see how he's dealing with the aftermath.

On a different note, Season 3 going so amazing. The animation of Rod Reiss's Titan really creeped the hell out of me! I didn't realize it's THIS big when I read the manga.

 **OFF TOPIC:** Any fan of Free! here? I'm going crazy with the new season! That SouRin moment in the last episode left me with heartshaped eyes ^_^


	17. Love?

**A/N:** Wow! Am I finally posting the next chapter? Please don't be mad guys. I know I took too long, more than two months in fact. But I was just so busy with graduation and stuff, I hardly had time. And then came this huge writers block which I'm still fighting to be honest. I'm really sorry it took this long. I promise I'll try to be more regular from now on.

So, this is the chapter from Levi's POV showing his side of the story. Enjoy!

 **Chapter Summary:** Levi is faced with his unresolved emotions. How will he deal with them? Avoidance is always an option.

* * *

 _ **~~Levi Ackerman~~**_

There are two things that I was forced to learn very early in life.

One. The world is a shitty place.

Two. Life is the most unfair fucking shit ever.

And believe me when I say, in my total of 34 years, there have only been a handful of incidents that could make me think otherwise.

Hange Zoe is NOT one of them.

If anyone ever asks me to represent Hange with something, I'd say they're like a shitstorm without any prior notice. Full of irrationality and batshit crazy. A typhoon that comes in your life and does as it pleases without a care in the world.

Everything around you is blowing up? All your carefully constructed plans are getting ruined?

Haha. See if they give a damn!

I know what you're thinking. Why do I put up with such madness? Huh… Fuck if I know! It's that shitty eyebrows who's in fault. If only he'd listened to me the first time and changed my working partner, I wouldn't be here suffering right now.

'Here' being the weekly get together at Hange's.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't enjoy hanging out with these two. Because I do. Hell! I was enjoying even half an hour ago.

Until shitty glasses brought up the one person I've been refusing to think about for the past few days.

"Hey Levi", they called my name in a calm voice. A voice that warned me that they were up to no good. I lifted my head to look at them with cautious eyes.

They grinned evilly, and instantly I knew what they're gonna ask.

"Hang–"

"Have you contacted Eren yet?" they shouted over my attempt to shut them up. And the moment I heard that name, I froze.

Erwin looked back and forth between Hange and me, confusion etched in his crystal blue eyes. "Who's Eren?!"

I swear Hange's face would have split in two if they tried to smile any wider. No, wait. I'd hoped their face _did_ split in two! Fucking annoying shitty glasses! That'd have shut them up.

"Oh Erwin, he didn't tell you?!" Hange turned to Erwin with a look of mocking hurt. And then, it slowly morphed into an impish grin.

Okay, time to leave this place!

"Eren Jaeger is my friend…" they paused and wiggled their eyebrows at me. "… and Levi's darling little boy!"

It's totally undignified to choke on your drink and spill it all over your clothes. But that's exactly what I did.

"He is NOT my _darling little boy_!"

Did I tell you the world was a shitty place? Let me tell you one more thing. The inside of Hange Zoe's head was the shittiest of them all.

The next thirty minutes were spent with Hange laughing their ass out at my outburst and Erwin trying to stop me from murdering them. After Hange somehow managed to control themselves and I successfully calmed down, Erwin gave me a change of clothes which I took with a grunt and disappeared into the bathroom.

So here I am, down on my knees and leaning my forehead against the bathroom door. My mind has finally caught up to everything that trespassed in the last half an hour and I'm racking my brain to figure out exactly why I got so easily affected just by his name. Maybe the fact that he's a minor actually distressed me more than I previously thought. Maybe I'm still disturbed by the fact that I actually lusted after someone young enough to be my child!

Or maybe I'm afraid of letting my daughter down. Afraid that if she ever found out, she'd hate me forever.

Yes, that must be it. That must be all there is to it. After all, the idea of me falling for a seventeen year old is ridiculous and creepy. And despicable.

Even though the mere thought of that seventeen years old lights a spark inside me that makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.

It doesn't mean anything. I'm probably getting down with a fever. That's all.

When I'm out of the bathroom and nearing the door to the living room, I hear faint whispers.

So now they're talking behind my back, huh?

I'm about to go in with a glare and tell them to shut the fuck up when one of the voices suddenly gets a little louder.

"You sure he wasn't just infatuated?" It's Erwin.

"I've never seen him look at any other person that way… like _ever_!" Hange whispers furiously. "Sure, I agree it was probably just attraction in the beginning, but… there's more Erwin! I'm sure of it!"

I watch Erwin sigh and shake his head. "It was just two days Hange. You can't be that sure in just two days."

My fists clench painfully. Who is he to think two days isn't enough?! It might have been very little time, but–

I lean against the wall for support, shocked by my own thoughts.

 _What the hell am I saying?_

* * *

"Levi."

"Yeah…"

"Levi."

"What?"

"Levi."

I whirl my chair around to face the man currently irritating the shit out of me.

"What. The. Fuck. Erwin?!"

He friggin' smiles! "Ah, finally you're listening."

My eyes narrow dangerously. "What do you mean finally?! I heard you the first time. You're the idiot who kept calling my name again and again."

He looks down at my desk, the smile slowly turning into a sly smirk.

This is bad!

"I needed to make sure you're paying attention, Levi", he says amusedly. "After all, I'm not the one doodling pretty green eyes in the middle of work."

What?

I look down, and to my utter mortification, there lies a piece of paper gloriously carrying the proof of Erwin's words. I hastily pick it up, curl it into a ball and throw it in the nearest basket.

Shitty eyebrows smirks wider.

 _Fuck!_

* * *

"How's school, kid?"

"Dad!"

I chuckle at her outburst. "What? I can't ask about your school?"

The pout she gives is way too adorable. "You can. But not now! Dinner time is father-daughter bonding time!" She folds her arms over her chest. "Study talk is strictly prohibited!"

"Is that so?"

"Hmph!" she nods vigorously and I can't help but snort at her antics.

"Okay…" I pretend to think for a moment. "So what do we talk about? That boyfriend of yours – what's his name… Farlan?"

"Dad!"

Well well, that's a new sight. I never thought I'd see my daughter go beet red like that just by the mention of a name.

"What? You wanted to talk, right?" I smirk.

She pouts, knowing full well how it weakens me. This brat! "Yeah, but not about Farlan. A-And just so you know, he's not my b-boyfriend or anything!"

"Yeah yeah", I wave her off. Like I'll be fooled! How old does she think I am anyway? "Alright then, you pick the topic."

She beams like I've just handed over her favorite ice-cream. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

"Tell me about your Shiganshina trip!"

Whoops!

It's totally a coincidence that the food somehow ends up in my windpipe and I start coughing violently. Isabel rushes out of her chair to help me. I take the glass of water she holds out to me and gulp it down in one go.

"Thanks", I mutter once I regain my breath.

She watches me with worried eyes. "You okay dad?"

I raise an eyebrow at her. She rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Now tell me about Shiganshina!" Damn! I thought she'd forgotten. "Did you meet Hange's friend? How is he?"

Inwardly, I start to feel guilty. For the millionth time. Izzy only knows that I went with Hange to their hometown to meet their old friend. Little does she know that this friend is actually a mere teenager and that Hange's original plan was to hook me up with him.

 _Which I almost did_ – I think with a grimace.

"Yes, I met him", I start cautiously. "He's a nice guy."

Isabel gives an irritated sigh. "That hardly explains anything! Be more elaborate dad!"

I sigh and rub my temple. "Fine! What do you wanna know?"

"What's his name? How old is he? What does he do? What kind of person is he? What does he look–"

"Wait wait!" I cut her off. "Breathe kid. One question at a time."

She huffs.

I ruffle her hair before continuing. "His name is Eren Jaeger. He's 17 years old and in his 2nd year of high school."

"So young!" the surprise in her voice is genuine.

A bitter laugh forces its way out of me.

 _Too young!_

"Anyway", I shake my head to get rid of unnecessary thoughts. "He's a nice guy. Quite tall for a high schooler, has brown hair which always looks messy and…"

I remember ocean green eyes, staring at me with wonder and admiration. I recall olive skin dusted with pink. I take a deep breath and somehow I can smell grass and rain and earth. I close my eyes, and I see Eren fucking Jaeger.

"And…?"

"And eyes that remind me of sunset in a beach."

"Sunset?"

"Yeah, ocean green with a warm golden sparkle… like sunset."

What brings me back to present is my daughter laughing hysterically in front of me.

"What?" I narrow my eyes and scowl.

"Nothing!" she manages to spit out between laughter. "I just… I don't think I've ever heard you talk about anyone like _that_!"

My eyes narrow further, if that's even possible. "What do you mean _'like that'_?"

The reply she gives sends a chill down my spine.

"Like he's the most beautiful human being you've ever seen!"

* * *

 _Petra… maybe I'm losing my mind. Otherwise why can't I stop? It was just a physical attraction, right? I was supposed to forget about him by now. Then why do I keep letting myself think about him?!_

 _A boy._

 _A kid…!_

 _I try to shut the thoughts. I do. But they keep coming back. I feel so disgusted!_

 _Tell me Petra._

 _Are you disgusted with me too?_

* * *

 **A/N:** Levi is very closed off about his emotions. But Hange and Erwin are just the persons to rile him up! ;)

Also, since he's afraid that his feelings for Eren would affect Isabel negatively, he himself has started thinking that what he's feeling is wrong. So whenever he catches himself thinking of Eren, it just leaves him with more self-loathing. Poor guy. I wish he'd talk to his friends about it. But we all know how he is, don't we? Which is why I see him talking to Petra about it. Since she was his partner in life at some point, Levi finds comfort in talking to her. Even though it's just in his mind. Levi is just a lonely soul who needs lots of love.

By the way, Farlan will make appearance later in the story. Probably much later, considering the things I have planned till now.

Okay, I'll stop my rambling for now. Next chapter is going to bring a new twist in the story. Wait for it! And have a great day!

As always, thanks for reading! ^_^


	18. From Bad to Worse

**A/N:** As I promised before, new chapter with a new twist! Will it somehow bring Eren and Levi closer? We'll see!

 **Chapter Summary:** New turn of events. How will it affect Eren's life? And what's Levi gonna do?

* * *

 _ **~~Eren Jaeger~~**_

The last exam of the end of term signifies quite a few things.

Exams are over.

Another painful term is done.

One more school year left before I move to college.

And most importantly, two whole weeks of spring vacation.

So obviously, we're all a little elated as we make our way from school to home. Elated isn't exactly the word to describe it, I suppose. _Relieved_ is a much better choice. Anyway, the main point is that we're finally free from the excruciating pressure, and we're reveling in that feel.

Well, at least I am. Not so sure about these two beside me.

Armin is being Armin, the crazy genius bastard that he is. Exams like these are not remotely enough to rile him up. So of course, I decide to ignore him on purpose.

Mikasa's face looks no different than usual, still carrying the same bored and indifferent look. It's kinda infuriating how nothing ever seems to faze her while I go hysteric stressing over exams. I watch her face closely for a while, and the expression is so painfully similar to someone's that I have to avert my eyes before I start feeling that familiar tightening in my throat.

Ah, yeah… apparently, teenage heartbreaks are not so easy to forget.

It's getting better with time – is what I'd like to say. But sadly, life is way crueler than that. It gives you a taste of the unattainable and then makes you stay up night after night just reminiscing over it. Like allowing you to have a sip of ambrosia and then all you are left with is the lingering taste in your mouth and you repeatedly swipe your tongue over and over just to taste it _a little bit longer!_

Well, that's how it is. Like being stuck in time. Like circling around those two days. Over and over and over.

It won't be like this forever, I know. I'll grow up and out of it as time does its healing. But I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. So for now, I'm just gonna grit my teeth and go on with my life.

My fucking shitty joke of a life!

We say goodbye to Armin when we reach the road to his house. From there, Mikasa and I turn left. We don't really talk much on our way. Silence has always been comfortable with her. But somehow, she seems restless today. I watch her from the corner of my eye for a while before finally letting out a sigh.

"I'll be fine, Mika!"

Really, she worries too much sometimes.

Mikasa looks at me with concerned eyes and I raise my hand to flick her forehead.

"It's just two weeks. Go on your trip with Uncle Kenny", I assure her quietly. Then teasingly, I add – "It's not like I don't know you've already told Armin to keep an eye on me."

She opens her mouth to protest, but smiles instead.

"I worry about you Eren."

Her voice tells me how much she means those words. And I smile.

"I know."

 _Thank you._

We stop at the junction where our paths divert. She hugs me, whispering a quiet "Take care", and we go our own ways.

Spring vacation begins. Finally.

* * *

What I don't expect to find when I get home is two strangers standing in our living room while mom sits on the couch, face ashen and eyes wide. I rush to her immediately, not bothering with the shoes or backpack.

"Mom?" I call softly.

She doesn't respond.

I glare at the man and woman in front of me. They must be the reason why she's like this. What flares up my anger even more is that they look totally nonchalant about it.

"Mom?" I try again. "Who are these people?!"

She turns her head towards me and stares. The empty look in her eyes almost makes my heart stop.

What in the world happened?!

I observe the two strangers closely. They seem to be in their late thirties, both of them wearing suits. The man has black hair in a bowel cut which I would've found funny if not for the current situation. He actually looks a bit sympathetic compared to the brown haired woman, whose face is stone cold and emotionless.

"What did you say to my mom?!" I demand.

The woman sighs and takes a look at me. "You must be Eren Jaeger."

I furrow my brows and nod. How do they know my name?

"I'm Officer Hitch Dreyse from the Ehrmich Police Department", they both show me their IDs and Officer Hitch points to the man beside her. "This is Officer Marlowe Freudenberg."

Officers? From… police?!

I look at mom. She still looks like she's in shock.

"What's going on?" my voice is laced with panic.

"There was an accident near the Ehrmich–Maria highway this morning", it's Marlowe Freudenberg talking this time. "From what we've gathered, the car probably lost control and crashed into a van parked nearby. The driver died on the spot."

I can feel my palms getting clammy with sweat. A sudden need to throw up grows at the pit of my stomach and slowly inches upward. "W-Why are you telling me all this?!"

 _No. No. Please no!_

Officer Marlowe puts his gloves on and takes something out of his pocket. "We found this in the victim's shirt pocket."

A rectangular card inside a plastic evidence bag. Probably a Driving License.

But–

I see red. Not bright. Not crimson or scarlet. More like dark brown.

 _Dried blood._ I realize with a heavy nauseating feeling.

A driving license smeared with blood.

My head feels like it weighs a ton. Why are they showing me this? What do they want?!

And then, he turns it around and I freeze.

The name on the license seems to glow, striking me mercilessly with cold hard truth.

 _Grisha Jaeger._

* * *

I feel numb. Empty. Blank.

Like my mind doesn't know what to feel anymore.

So when I pick up the phone to call Armin, I'm surprised to see my fingers tremble.

"Hello!" he picks up after the second ring as always.

"…" I open my mouth, but no sound comes out.

"Hello?"

I try again. To speak, to make any kind of sound. "Ar…m-min…" I finally manage. But the hoarseness in my voice is so unusual; it makes me visibly cringe.

It's enough to let Armin know something's terribly wrong.

"Eren?" his voice is alarmed. "What happened?!"

What happened?

What. Happened.

" _We're very sorry for your loss", Officer Marlowe says after pocketing the evidence._

 _I watch the movement of his hands silently. The pinky finger on his left hand jolts on its own every now and then. Interesting._

" _The medical examination and other formalities should be done within tonight. We'll arrange for the body to be delivered here by tomorrow, along with his other belongings", he pauses, looking at mom and me with concerned eyes. The woman, Hitch what's-her-name, taps his shoulder and motions towards the door. He sighs and nods._

 _I stay glued to my spot, not moving a finger, not even looking up as they walk out._

" _Take care" – is what I last hear him say before they're both gone._

I sigh.

"C-Can you…" I clear my throat, still trying to find my voice and stop my hands from shaking. "Just… just… come over."

"Now?"

"…"

"Yeah sure!" he adds hastily when I don't reply. "I'm coming over right now!"

"… Armin?"

"Hmm?"

"Bring your grandpa with you… And…"

"And?"

I rub my temple with my fingers. "Tell Mikasa too. Tell her to come here with Uncle Kenny."

"Eren… What's wrong?" He sounds scared. Understandable, I guess. "Did something bad happen?"

Another sigh escapes my lips. "Just come over Armin…"

I hang up.

Tired.

I feel so tired.

* * *

It's like the tears have dried inside.

The pain and regret seem tangible, clenching and pulling and ripping me apart from the inside. Clawing under my skin, scratching at my bones. I open my mouth to gasp for air. It's no good. The hollowness in my chest suffocates me, begging me to cry, to scream. To do anything to release myself from this unbearable agony. But I can't.

I can't seem to be able to cry.

I lie on the floor of my room, curled into myself like a fetus. As if shielding myself from the outside world would somehow lessen the anguish I feel throbbing in every ounce of my blood.

What a lousy way to deal with reality.

Everyone has gathered downstairs. Armin, Mikasa, Armin's Grandpa, Uncle Kenny. Even Moblit is here. They're with mom, staying by her side and taking care of her. It must be more painful for her, much much more painful. To lose your partner for life – I can't even imagine how horrifying it must feel. I know I should be down there with her. I should be holding her hand, sharing her pain, giving her the support she needs.

But I'm a coward.

The moment I heard them discussing about funerals, it became too much, too real! So I ran, I ran upstairs and locked myself inside, ignoring the calls of Armin and Mikasa. Ignoring them while they stood outside my room and quietly asked to let them in, to talk to them. Ignoring until both of them understood I won't respond and left.

Because I'm a coward.

I can't bring myself to believe that dad is really– that he's–

Damn! Someone please tell me it's all a nightmare and I'll wake up any second and things will be just like before. Please!

Tell me…

Tell me I haven't lost him.

Tell me that fight on his last visit wasn't our last conversation.

Tell me I'll get a chance to say sorry, to tell him how much I love him.

Tell me damn it!

 _You're a coward Eren._

 _You've lost him. Nothing to do now._

 _Useless._

 _You couldn't even say sorry._

 _A coward._

 _A disgraceful son._

The voices in my head keep getting louder and louder. I cover my ears with my palms. It's no use.

 _Useless. Coward. Disappointment._

My eyes clench shut and I take harsh breaths, lips curling around my teeth painfully. Then a helpless cry forces its way out of my mouth.

 _Fucking tears still won't come!_

* * *

 _It was like a nightmare  
It's painful for me  
'Cause nobody wants to die too fast…_

I barely register the muffled hum of my ringtone, and even if I do, I pay no attention. The ring eventually stops, cutting off 'Reluctant Heroes' by Recon Corps in the middle of a verse. The light from the screen stays on though, putting a momentary break to my blackout. I lie on my back and watch the phone sitting just a few inches away from me.

The screen will lock any moment now, and I'll regain the comfort of darkness.

Only it doesn't.

Because the phone goes off again, the screen shining too brightly for my eyes. I throw an arm over my eyes and groan.

I don't wanna deal with anybody right now. I know what they have to offer. I won't be able to ignore it when they start being careful while talking in front of me, or when their eyes go all sad and teary, as if I'm a fragile soul unable to get back up anymore. I know what I'll see in those eyes. Pity and sympathy. Two things that I hate the most.

Thanks, but I already know how shitty the situation is. I don't need others treating me differently and poking their fingers in my eyes to show it to me.

The fifth time my phone starts ringing, I'm finally reaching out to grab it. Whoever is on the other side is most certainly not going to stop until I pick up. That leaves me with two choices.

One. Pick up.

Two. Switch off.

Of course I'm going for the second option. But then, I see the familiar name flashing on the screen and for a moment I forget I'm supposed to switch it off.

Instead, I pick up.

"Eren!" their voice is high pitched as always; but it's full of worry this time, contrary to the usual cheerfulness.

"Hange…" I can't recognize my own voice.

"Oh Eren… I'm so sorry…" they speak softly. And the obvious unusualness in their voice is more than enough to hit me hard with the cruel reality. "Moblit called me…"

 _No, no! Don't say anymore!_

"I talked to Carla just now. She said you've locked yourself up in your room."

 _I don't wanna hear it!_

"Eren I know it's hard…"

 _Don't remind me!_

"But you have to–"

"SHUT UP!"

The silence that follows is awkward to say the least.

Finally, after a few minutes of struggling, I'm able to keep my anger in check. "I'm sorry Hange…" my lips form a quiet apology.

They stay silent for what seems like a long time. And then–

"Do you wanna talk to him Eren?"

My eyes widen. Even without Hange mentioning the name, I know who they're talking about. To be honest, the thought of him barely crossed my mind after the series of events this evening. But now… now that Hange's said it…

I feel this _burning need_ to hear his voice!

As if his voice is the only thing that can calm the restlessness in my heart right now.

But–

"He won't talk to me." My voice is lifeless, just like the rest of me.

"He will." There's confidence in Hange's voice. I wonder why. "Give him a call."

"I don't have–" _I don't have his number._ "I don't think he wants to."

Suddenly my phone buzzes, indicating a new text message.

"I've texted you his number", their voice is solid, completely devoid of the sympathetic tone it had just minutes ago. "Call him Eren."

I hear the click as they hang up, then slowly bring the phone down to stare at the screen.

The words "New Text Message" shine before my eyes, testing me, tempting me to open the unread message.

I give in, obviously.

The text contains nothing but a few digits.

 _His number._

I grip the phone harder and bring my other hand over my heart. It's hammering loudly. I feel the rush of blood buzzing inside my ears. My body feels cold all of a sudden, shaking and trembling out of control even though the weather is warm. When my eyes start prickling, I realize I've forgotten to blink.

 _What do I do?_

 _What do I do?!_

 _What do I do?!_

* * *

 **A/N:** What? I said a new twist. Doesn't mean it'll be a happy one!

I'm kinda sad that I couldn't even show a conversation between Eren and Grisha, but well, killing him was necessary for the plot. Now Eren has a reason to call Levi and since we know how whipped Levi is, we can hope it'll be enough to break the ice between them! And of course, gotta thank Hange for always suggesting the best ideas! What would my boys do without you!

That being said, it was very difficult to write about Eren's feelings. I'm not sure if I could capture even a bit of what it truly feels like to lose a parent. I'm very fortunate to have both of mine alive and healthy and tbh I never wanna find out!

You know what to expect in the next chapter! Yesss! The phone call!

As always, thanks for reading! ^_^

 **OFF TOPIC** : Any EXO-L here? Did you guys watch the clips from 0xfesta?! The ChanBaek and KaiSoo killed me! Like seriously, I couldn't believe my eyes! I'm already dying with Tempo and Love Shot and how they're becoming hotter and hotter every time! And now this! AAAHHH! I'm so happyyy!


	19. The Call

**A/N:** Yay! First update of this year!

Gaahh! I'm lacking motivation these days T_T Come on girl! Write! Write! Write!

* * *

 _ **~~Levi Ackerman~~**_

I'm washing the dishes after dinner when my phone buzzes with a new text.

 _ **From: Shitty Glasses  
** Don't be mean to him!_

Huh?! What the fuck does that mean?

It's probably that four eyes messing up the sender again. I shake my head, dismissing the matter, but not before punching out a reply.

 _ **To: Shitty Glasses  
** Idiot! Stop sending me other people's texts!_

 _ **To: Shitty Glasses  
** And get new glasses since you obviously can't read with the ones you have!_

Usually, it's followed by Hange sending a text saying sorry which they obviously don't mean. Or if I'm having a particularly bad day, I'm graced with Hange's incorrigible teasing instead of an apology which of course, makes my already sour mood even worse.

But today is different.

Today, Hange doesn't reply.

I find myself wondering why that is. What in the world could be keeping Hange fucking Zoe from making my life a living hell since that's what seems to be their sole mission in life. Then I realize with a grimace that I'm fussing over useless things, and it makes me feel even more annoyed with myself.

Within the next half an hour, I manage to pry Izzy off her phone and make her go to bed. Once that's done, I let out a sigh. Not frustrated or tired. Just feeling the relief of passing another not-so-bad day. A day without too much workload, without Izzy being difficult or rebellious. I'm not kidding. That young woman gets too much of those teenage hormones flooding her system sometimes, and I'm the one who ends up dealing with the consequences, which mostly consist of her rapid mood swings and a general disagreement to anything and everything I say.

Life of a thirty four years old single father can be quite complicated at times.

It's not until I get in the sanctuary of my own room that my phone starts ringing. I pick it up from the bedside table and squint at the unknown number.

 _Who the fuck is calling at this hour?_

I have half a mind to ignore it or maybe reject the call. But then again, it could be someone I know. Not that I know a lot of people. But it could be an emergency and in that case I probably shouldn't be ignoring the call.

Tch! What the hell.

"Hello."

I'm met with dead silence.

"Hello!" I say again after a long pause.

This time, there's a gasp. So there is actually a human being on the other side. I was beginning to think someone accidentally dialed a wrong number and forgot their cell.

Who the fuck is this? Calling someone and then gasping into the phone.

 _What a creep!_

"If you've got nothing to say, I'm hangin–"

"L-Levi!"

My breath hitches.

T-This voice!

It's been more than three fucking months since I last heard his voice. And yet, I recognize it immediately. The tone trudging just between childishness and adulthood, the breath which I know smells almost like fresh rain, the same nervousness in his voice when he says my name.

Memories of a certain teenager flood my mind, reminding me of a sun that is warm but not too warm. Of a home that is familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Of vibrancy, courage and honesty. And suddenly my heart is beating so loudly that I'm afraid it might break out of my ribcage any second.

"Eren…?" it feels weird to call his name after all this time, and I curse myself for loving the way it rolls down my lips.

His reply is a muffled whimper.

I grip the phone tighter, pressing it so close that my ear hurts, but I don't give a damn. The sudden realization of how much I missed his voice – how much I missed _him_ – overwhelms me and I have to lean against the wall because my knees are suddenly too weak to carry my weight.

For a long time, we say nothing.

But then I'm getting impatient to hear something – _anything_ – other than just his harsh breathing and I'm opening my mouth to form the words, when my eyes fall on the picture.

It's sitting peacefully on the bedside table, right beside me.

Staring at me with obvious mockery.

A picture of me with Isabel.

I snap out of my daze, cursing inwardly at my apparent lack of self-control and tear the phone away from my ear. It rests on my palm as I watch it like it's some kind of venomous insect, ready to poison me with its sting.

On the other side, Eren Jaeger waits.

With a shaking hand I bring the phone up again, this time allowing it to barely touch my ear.

"How the fuck did you get my number?" I say between clenched teeth.

His resulting laugh is so heartbreaking and _empty_ that I backtrack on my next retort.

"I told them you wouldn't wanna talk to me."

 _Them?_

I close my eyes and punch the wall behind me out of sheer frustration.

Of course! Of course Hange gave him my number!

Now that absurd text I got is finally making sense.

Not that my sudden enlightenment is making the current situation any better.

I need to stop this. The reason I refused to give him my number in the first place was so I never have to face situations like this. This… this is dangerous.

"Levi…" he says when my silence is too prolonged.

 _Dangerous. Dangerous. Dangerous._

"We shouldn't be talk–"

"Please!"

His hushed scream startles me mid-sentence.

"Please Levi!" Why does he sound so fucking _broken_? "I p-promise this is the first and last time. I'll… I'll delete your number after this. I'll never bother you again! Just please! Don't hang up on me right now…"

He says all those words in one breath, nearly panicking. But the last sentence is barely a whisper, begging and pleading. As if he's afraid of something.

What in the world happened?

It's been three months already. Surely he's still not hung up on me, right? Shouldn't teenagers be wild and carefree and easily moving on? And even if it was about me, wouldn't it be more logical if he'd tried to contact sooner? While the memories were still fresh?

Why now?

"Levi…" his broken voice brings me back to present. "Talk to me… please!"

When I open mouth to speak again, what comes out instead of his name is the stupid nickname I gave him. "Brat…"

And he breaks into sobs.

It's as if I can physically feel the pain. My fingers itch with the need to do something. I feel this desperate _need_ to pull the boy away from his miseries, no matter what they are. I want to hold him in my arms and hide him away from the rest of the world. I want to–

My own thoughts scare me. What the fuck is happening?! I can't be losing control so easily!

I slide down the wall and clench my fist over my lap, afraid I might lash out.

It's draining me inside out. The dilemma, the confusion. Anger and frustration at myself. And at the same time care and protectiveness for the boy. Conflicting emotions jumble together inside my head and for a moment all I wanna do is let go of everything and run!

But then, I hear him again.

The whimpers he's trying to muffle. The devastating wails that rip from his mouth. The rapid sound of air gushing in and out, as if he's hyperventilating. And nothing else matters anymore.

Other than this one precious green eyed boy.

"Sshh… it's okay. It's okay", I lower my voice and whisper softly. "I'm here Eren. I'm right here."

"D–Don't–"

"I won't hang up."

He exhales loudly. And by the muffled sounds I'm hearing, he's probably shoved his palm over his mouth to mask the noise.

"It's alright", I don't know what I'm doing anymore. All I know is that Eren is in pain, and I can't stand it. "You can cry. It's alright."

I take a harsh breath and pull my knees closer to bury my face between them. Because Eren has finally let go and every single sob, every single whimper is like physical torture to me. I grit my teeth and listen. My eyes are clenched shut. My knuckles have turned white from how tightly I'm gripping the phone. And I listen.

His anguish.

His pain.

His torment.

I hear all of it.

After what seems like ages, he slowly calms down. The loud sobs turn into soft sniffles and the whimpers give way to short sighs.

"Thanks", he says after clearing his throat.

The next words leave my lips so naturally that I'm not even able to process what the hell I'm saying before it's already out.

"I'd hold you in my arms if you were here."

… _Fuck!_

The other side goes unusually quiet, and I hold my breath.

Waiting.

"I'd like that", he says softly.

What am I doing? All this time of restraining my thoughts, and now I'm blurting out what I definitely shouldn't even be thinking.

Well, fuck that!

I'll think about those complicated things later, and maybe regret my words too. But now, at this moment, I'm gonna do everything I can to make this boy feel better.

Even if it means being honest to the deepest core.

"Of course you will, you spoiled little shit."

Perhaps the rational part of my brain has completely shut down, because my tone becomes light and playful, with an underlying hint of carefully hidden fondness.

Since when did I become such a sap?

He sighs loudly. Thankfully it sounds relaxed.

I get up on my feet and walk over to the bed, placing a pillow in front of the headboard and resting my upper body against it. The sound of even breathing continues on the other side. But no word is spoken.

The furrow between my brows creases further. What could have happened to make a loudmouth like him so quiet?

I don't press the issue. From what I can gather, he's most definitely tense and distressed about the whole thing. The last thing he needs is someone else pushing him even more.

I start talking for the both of us; and since I'm so glaringly pathetic at small talk, it turns into a monologue about my daily routine which is, needless to say, boring and dull compared to a seventeen year olds life.

He doesn't seem to mind though.

So I continue. Being talkative is not my strongest suit, especially when the topic is my own life. But I keep going anyway. I tell him how office was less irritating today since Hange was slumped with work and had little time to bother me. I tell him how Izzy was late to wake up and we had to rush to make her reach school in time. And how I didn't have time to prepare a lunch box for myself today which was a disaster because I obviously will in no circumstances eat in the office cafeteria which I strongly believe to be no less than a germ paradise. He chuckles at that and I can't help the little upturn of my lips. Then – for lack of a better topic – I talk about Erwin, about how he needs to get laid soon so he stops looking constipated every time Mike visits.

"Mike Zacharias?!" he asks, surprised. "Erwin likes him?"

Crap! I forgot how smitten this boy is with those band members.

"Yes. Now shut up. You never heard me say anything."

His voice sounds less serious and more amused when he says "Okay Levi". I don't point it out.

Eventually, my stock of words comes to an end and we again end up in silence. I lean my head back as far as I can and close my eyes.

"Feel better?" I ask quietly.

He stays silent for a long time, and I begin to think maybe this wasn't the right time to ask. But then–

"Yeah. Thanks." He replies in an equally quiet tone. And even then, I can sense the grief creeping back in his tone.

Fuck! I made him sad again.

"I… uh…" I'm at a loss. What do I say to make him feel better?

"It's alright Levi", his voice is unusually calm when he replies. Somehow, he's sensed my hesitation. "It's not like you can keep the thoughts away from me forever."

 _I want to though._ I think stubbornly.

My mouth remains shut.

"Thanks for talking to me", he speaks again. "I… I don't think I could've handled this on my own right now. But you helped me out… and now…" he takes a breath, as if bracing himself for something. "I'm still scared… and… in denial too, I guess. But now… I have to stop running away from reality."

I listen quietly without interrupting him, even though hundreds of questions swim around in my head.

 _What reality?_

 _What happened?_

 _Why are you scared?_

And then, his next words answer all of them.

"Levi, please pray for him. My dad… h-he was a really good man. I never really understood how important he is to me until I… until I lost him." He sighs, voice growing quieter and quieter. "I wish I'd realized it while he was still alive."

Huh?! What?

Wait. Does it mean…

"Eren–"

"Thanks Levi. Take care."

 _-Click-_

I don't move for a long time. His words keep repeating themselves over and over in my ears.

 _Shit!_

I don't think I've ever been this frantic to call Hange. My fingers are trembling as I frustratingly try to focus and search my phone for their contact. I almost end up calling Isabel accidentally – not my fault her contact is right below Hange's – but somehow manage to disconnect at the last moment.

I curse loudly and try again.

Hange picks up after one ring, as if they were expecting it.

Maybe they really were.

"Levi!" the cheerful and bubbly tone I'm used to hearing sounds resolute and calm. "I've already talked to Erwin. He'll come in the morning to pick Izzy up. She can stay with him until we come back."

Huh?

"Hange, wha–"

"Hold on!"

I hear distinct voices in the background, one of which sounds very much like that serious faced junior in office who follows around Hange. What's her name? Nifa… something.

I'm still in the middle of trying to remember her full name when Hange's back on line.

"Alright. I've settled things in the office. Everything will be taken care of while we're absent. Be ready within 7 tomorrow. I'll pick you up on the way."

"Wait a minute!" I growl. "What the hell is going on?! What's all this about?"

Hange becomes silent. "Levi…"

"What?"

"Didn't Eren call you?"

I suddenly remember why I called Hange in the first place. "Yes. He– That's why I–"

"I'm leaving for Shiganshina tomorrow morning", they cut me off. Then, a bit hesitantly add–

"You're coming, right?"

It all clicks then. Hange being all hasty, the talk about Erwin picking up Izzy, Nifa being there so late at night.

Of course Hange will go. This was a given. But… me?

Should I go? Or more importantly, do I want to go?

I close my eyes and remember Eren's phone call. His heart wrenching sobs. His broken and pained voice.

And the answer becomes obvious.

"Yes."

* * *

 **A/N:** Levi is so badly stuck in his internal conflict! On one hand, his past experiences and his sense of responsibility towards Isabel holds him back. But on the other hand, he can't let go of Eren in his heart either. Poor guy!

Ah... finally we'll see more ErenXLevi interaction in the next chapter, and not over phone this time! You are welcome ;)

By the way, I got a new job recently and still trying to get used to it! So things are a bit... unstable for now. But don't worry! I'll be ready with the update next month!

Thanks for reading! ^_^


	20. The Second Visit to Shiganshina

**Chapter Summary:** How's Eren dealing with his father's death? And with Levi's presence, will things get better or worse?

 **A/N:** Okay, so this is mostly a depressing chapter since the main focus is Eren and his inner suffering. But when Levi comes into the picture, things are bound to take a different turn!

Enjoy!

* * *

 _ **~~Eren Jaeger~~**_

It's just like a regular day of late spring.

The sky is clear. Snow white clouds floating here and there like cotton candies. There's a nice warm breeze blowing, signaling that summer is on its way. The air is light and fragrant.

A beautiful day.

Well, not for me.

If it was any other time, I'd have been ecstatic to go out; maybe have a picnic with Armin and Mikasa. I'd be closing my eyes and inhaling the sweet aroma of the season, enjoying the way my hair gets messed up by the wind. I'd be lying on the ground and searching for familiar shapes in the puffy clouds, picking up wild flowers for mom, probably singing some forgotten tune.

But today, it's suffocating. All the color and brightness around me feel like they're mocking me. As if the moment I close my eyes and listen, I'll hear them whisper –

 _Look around you Eren. Everyone is so happy. But you can't be, can you?_

I feel like running away. I feel like screaming my lungs out. But I can't. The air gets heavier by the minute. Like invisible monsters gathering around and closing in on me. They're gripping my throat, cutting off the airflow. I open my mouth and try to inhale.

But. I. _Can't_!

Armin and Mikasa sit silently on either side of me, unaware of my inner turmoil. Or maybe they know; that's why they're not saying anything. We just sit there, on the small steps of stairs from my house to the ground; me on the last step while both of them are on the upper one.

I ran out of the house the moment they brought in dad's body in an ambulance. That was in the morning. I was wandering around the neighborhood, too riled up to go home and face everything. When my two friends found me, I was in the beach. They didn't say a word, just grabbed my hand and dragged me back with them. I complied without a fuss. But when they tried to pull me inside the house, I refused. I could hear the faint whispers, familiar voices of friends and relatives, discussing the funeral arrangements. And I just couldn't take it, not yet. So I sat outside. And of course, those two stayed with me.

How long has it been, I wonder. I'll have to go inside if I wanna know the time. I'd rather not. I could just ask Mika or Armin, but I don't feel like talking either. I look up at the sun shining brightly. It's probably around lunch time.

My stomach curls at the thought of food. This morning Mikasa forcefully tried to make me eat breakfast, which ended up with me throwing up. I just hope she doesn't try again anytime soon. I'm afraid the result will be same.

I cover my face with my palms and sigh. Their worried gazes linger on the back of my head.

Well, whatever.

* * *

It's the sound of car wheels that makes me raise my head after a while. A black sedan. Heading this way. The car seems old, with dents on either door. Probably a rental.

Who could it be? Another relative? Maybe. They've been coming all day.

I sigh.

The car skids to a stop in front of our gate and one of the doors open swiftly. The person jumping out from inside is wearing a plain white shirt with faded jeans and sneakers. Their hair is in that usual ponytail and the glasses are askew from the jump. They look around and spot us instantly.

"Eren."

I watch them dumbly, my brain still working to catch up with the current scenario.

"Hange", I whisper. And that's all it takes for them to rush to my side and pull me in a bone-crushing hug.

I don't hug back. In fact, I don't even realize that I should be hugging back. I just sit there, unfazed, letting them hold me close and whisper words of comfort that don't quite reach beyond my ears.

That's when I notice it.

The other car door. It's also open. And there's someone stepping out.

I see black pants, then a dark blue shirt with the sleeves slightly rolled back. And then, a head full of silky black strands with a neat undercut.

 _No way! That's…! How–? I-It couldn't be, right?! But… But…_

When the person is out of the car and turned this way, I see his face. The familiar scowl, the sharp jaw, those silver eyes.

 _Levi!_

My body starts trembling. Tears prickle at the back of my eyes. My throat feels constricted. I'm scared. Could it be that this is all happening in my head? Have I gone so far off that now I've started hallucinating? I blink once, twice. Hoping to clear my head, but at the same time afraid that he might disappear.

He doesn't.

I keep watching with wide eyes as he talks to the driver and hands him the payment. The car rolls away. He sighs, then turns toward me, watching silently. As if… as if…

 _As if he's waiting for something…_

The conversation from last night comes back to me. I recall how I spent the rest of the night curled into myself, crying silently and wishing he was here.

" _I'd hold you in my arms if you were here"_ – the velvet voice keeps whispering in my head.

Before I know it, I'm up and running.

He grunts quietly when I crush into him, but takes me in his arms without a word. The warmth feels like home, even though this is the first time I'm holding him like this.

"Levi…" I whisper in a broken voice. "Levi…"

" _You're here…"_ I want to say, but the words won't come out.

"Hey brat", he whispers back. I feel his fingers running through my hair, and I can hear the unspoken _"I'm here"_ in them.

A sudden relief washes over me. Like I'm not alone anymore. I feel guilty for feeling this way. After all, I wasn't really alone. Armin and Mikasa have been staying with me since yesterday. Mika even canceled her trip so she could be here. Uncle Kenny's here, along with Armin's grandpa and Moblit. They're helping out mom with everything. And now Hange too. They're all here for me. And yet, it wasn't the same as it is now. It's like I can finally find solid ground under my feet now that Levi is here. It's unfair to feel like this only for him when there are so many others who've been supporting me just as much, if not more. But how can I deny what I'm feeling?

I struggle with the onslaught of emotions. The pain, the loss, the guilt, the relief – it all crashes down on me and I feel myself breaking. I cling to him tighter as the sobs wreck my body and mind. And he lets me, giving me himself to hold on to.

* * *

It feels like home.

Levi.

 _You feel like home._

My eyes have remained closed from the moment I surrendered myself in his arms. Strong arms hold me tightly against a broad chest while I cry my heart out. I inhale and exhale repeatedly, trying to calm myself. And my lungs get flooded with his scent. Hidden underneath the minty aroma of his cologne, a scent that is distinctly _him_. Fragrant and soothing, like jasmine, with a barely there hint of earth and spice.

His fingers continue to run through my hair, while his other hand moves up and down my back. A touch too soft and full of care for a man of his exterior. And I couldn't be more thankful. He doesn't even know how much I needed him, how much his being here means to me… and yet, here he is!

I don't know if Hange dragged him here, or he was simply worried after hearing me break down last night – and honestly, I don't care right now.

Levi is here. And I can breathe again.

* * *

"Eren…"

"Mmm…"

He gently pushes against my shoulders, signaling me to pull away. But I only cling to him tighter. Even though the tears have stopped for a while now, I'm not ready to let go of his warmth yet.

More. I need just a bit more!

I bury my face in his shoulder.

 _Stay._

 _Stay._

 _Stay._

The word becomes a chant, repeating itself over and over inside my head. Perhaps saying it enough times will make it come true.

When he sighs, I feel his breath against my neck. "I'm not going anywhere", the words are whispered in my ear tenderly, affectionately; as if he can hear what I'm thinking.

Reluctantly, I pull away. But as soon as I try to step away from him, he holds my wrist and intertwines our fingers. Strong calloused fingers wrap around mine and when I feel them squeeze, I squeeze back, all the while staring at our joined hands with wonder.

How in the world is he able to do this? To give me the support I need without ever asking, without speaking a single word. It's almost like… like he's reading my mind!

I feel his gaze on me and look up. He doesn't avert his eyes. Rather, they become even more intent. Then, after it looks like he's found the answer to whatever question he was looking for in me, he decides to speak up.

"Where's Carla?"

Without a word, I turn my head to stare at the door that leads to the inside of my house. The voices return almost instantly. Telling me, reminding me – that there, inside that house lays the proof of a reality I'm desperately trying to run away from.

A reality I cannot escape.

Perhaps he notices the distress in my eyes, or the quivering of my lips – because right then, I feel his fingers tighten around mine.

I let out a sigh. "She's inside."

My voice is thick and hoarse from all the crying. It doesn't go unnoticed by anyone.

"Come", he tugs me forward, and I follow without putting up much of a resistance. I don't even know when Mikasa and Armin moved from their position, but when I raise my head, I see them standing in the middle of the lawn with Hange. And for the first time since yesterday, I notice how worn out those two look. Bags under their eyes and skin drained of color – they almost look like ghosts. It's clear from their appearance that they couldn't get a wink of sleep last night.

I feel a sharp pang of guilt in my chest as realization hits me. I was so lost in my own grief that I became blind to everything and everyone else around me. I forgot that I'm not the only one hurting. The ones close to me, they're hurting too!

I'm reprimanding myself for my lack of observation when the hand pulling me ahead stops abruptly. Confused, I turn to look at Levi. But the expression on his face is not quite what I was expecting to see. Narrowed eyes, lips pressed together, body stiffened and muscles strained. I follow his line of vision and see a man coming out of the house. When he turns around to face us, the reason behind Levi's unusual edginess becomes clear.

The person currently walking down the stairs is none other than Kenny Ackerman.

I find myself wondering if Mikasa's told him about Levi; and if she has, what his reaction was to that. But then, I watch his eyes widen comically upon seeing Levi, and my question is answered. Soon after that, his eyes fall on our intertwined fingers, and he gets even more bewildered, if that's even possible. His eyes find mine and I see the obvious questions swimming in them.

 _Why is he here?_

 _How do you know him?_

 _Who is he to you?_

I avert my eyes.

Mikasa, however, senses the situation and decides to take matters into her own hands. She walks up to Uncle Kenny and pulls him by the hand. He's about to say something, to protest maybe, but the look in her eyes is enough for him to understand. So he tightens his grip on the hat he's always carrying around, nods at us once, and leaves. Mikasa follows him, but not before telling us that they'll be back soon.

Looks like they're gonna have a long conversation at home.

Once they're out of sight, the vice-like grip around my hand is relaxed. From the corner of my eye, I risk taking a peek at Levi. He looks angry for a moment, but then his expression softens as he senses my worried gaze. With a barely concealed sigh, he moves closer to me and puts his palm on my cheek. The touch is so light; had my eyes been closed, I'd have thought I was imagining it.

"You okay?" he asks. His voice is gentle and calm, but not full of sympathy and condolence like the others. His words don't make me unnerved or feel pitied, rather they give me a sense of relief – like pulling a claustrophobic out of a sealed chamber, like opening up a window in a dark room.

The pain still remains of course, but it becomes easier to breathe.

"Yeah", I assure him.

I should be thanking him, for coming here, for caring. But I don't. Because somehow, I feel like he already knows. And it's okay even if I don't speak the words. He knows.

"Eren", Armin's voice brings me back to present.

This time, I start walking towards them on my own, pulling Levi with me. He gets startled at the beginning – I can tell – but follows without a word. I walk past Armin and Hange, moving ahead much to their surprise. But I don't stop. I know they'll be following soon.

I can do this. I have to. After all, I can't just run away from the truth forever. So I'm just gonna have to be brave and face it head on. I may not be able to handle it at first. I may break down. But I know my friends will be there to pull me back up. And… Levi too.

So I move forward, with his hand in mine and my friends following closely behind. I walk up the three steps, each one taking me closer and closer to a harsh reality. When I'm standing right outside the door, I hear voices.

" _... poor boy…"_

" _... funeral this afternoon…"_

" _... so unfortunate…"_

I feel a sudden need to run away. My pulse quickens, and I feel like I might throw up any moment. Why?! Why do they have to talk! Don't they understand that talking about it is like digging deep into an already open wound? That it's doing nothing but hurting us even more?

I grit my teeth and suck in a deep breathe, trying to tune out the voices. I concentrate on the feel of foreign fingers around my own. Fingers that are thinner than mine. Bony, not muscular. But not feminine either. More like… elegant. They feel cold against my skin, but not uncomfortable.

Suddenly, there are two hands on either of my shoulder. I turn my head and see Armin and Hange standing behind me. They squeeze my shoulder once, then let their hands fall on their sides. I look ahead and let out a sigh.

Everyone is here by my side. I'm not alone.

 _I can do this._

* * *

 **A/N:** Man! That was tough! Getting an emotion right, especially when you're not familiar with it, is such a difficult thing to do. I kept writing and rewriting the whole scene so many times! Hopefully all that work paid off! XD

I'm sorry that the updates are a bit delayed. There's just too many things happening in my life and I hardly have time to sit down and write like I used to. But hey, I'm trying my best! XP

Thanks for reading! ^_^


	21. The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

**A/N:** Hehe... *nervous* I'm late, I knowwww! Thing is... a lot happened in the past couple of months. I kinda... got married! Sooo... yeah. Things are a bit hectic here XP

Well, I hope you like the chapter!

 **Chapter Summary:** Ackermans are introvert beings, often tortured by their own internal conflicts.

* * *

 _ **~Mikasa Ackerman~**_

"What's that brat doing here?!" is what leaves Uncle Kenny's mouth as soon as we're out of earshot.

I sigh. This is gonna be difficult.

As we take the turn that leads to our house, my mind travels back to Eren. I wince internally remembering how lifeless he seemed. Guilt and helplessness eats me out from within. Eren was there for me when I lost my parents. He's the one I've always looked up to. I thought I was ready to do anything for him, as long as it made him happy. I wanted to be able to return even just a little bit of everything he's done for me.

But now, I don't think I've ever felt so powerless before. I always thought Armin and I were enough for Eren. That we can be there for him in any situation, that we can protect him. From the world, from others, even from himself.

I've never been more wrong.

Because this time, we have failed. We've been doing everything we can think of and yet, he wouldn't open up to us. Closing himself off like that and suffering in silence – while all we could do was watch.

And then, Levi Ackerman came out of the blue and immediately, Eren sought comfort in him.

It will be a lie if I say I wasn't jealous. I was angry, furious even. How dare he leave Eren heartbroken like that and then waltz back into his life like it's nothing? Especially when my friend is at his most vulnerable. I would've stepped in and told him to leave, to never show himself in front of us again. But Armin held me back. And then he pointed it out. Something I probably would've overlooked intentionally had he not showed it to me.

Levi Ackerman was holding Eren like he's the most precious thing in the world. And Eren was finally looking alive.

That's when I knew.

We're not enough for Eren anymore. Not this time. The shorty is the one he needs. It has to be _him_.

I thought I was ready to do anything to make Eren happy. But watching silently as someone else came out of nowhere and claimed the most special place in his heart proved to be a much harder task than I'd previously assumed. After all, Armin and I have always been the ones Eren prioritizes the most. It's not easy to accept it when someone else takes that away all of a sudden.

Sometimes I envy Armin. He can always think rationally and choose the best course of action. People would say I'm the same, that I'm unemotional and ruthless. I do what's necessary, not caring about anyone or anything. Yes, it's true. I am like that. But not when those two are concerned. To me, Eren and Armin come before all of that. When it's about them, all sense of rationality leaves me.

So it's no wonder that I'm in a dilemma right now. On one hand, I want Eren to be happy and for that he needs Levi. That much I'm sure of. But on the other hand, that shorty is getting more priority than Armin and I. And no matter how selfless you think I am, I can't just accept it with a smile!

Well, anyway. It's not like I have a choice. Eren's emotion is what's most important right now. So, it's pretty much clear what I have to do.

Come to think of it, I need to get back to them soon. And for that, I gotta make Uncle Kenny understand the whole picture.

"He's Hange's friend", I speak once we get inside the house.

"Hange…? Hange Zoe? That eccentric neighbor of the Jaegers?" Uncle Kenny doesn't seem impressed.

"Yes. Neighbor of the Jaeger family and also Eren's friend."

He mutters something about _'weird choice in friends'_. Then, as if remembering something important, spins around with wide eyes. "What was _Hange's friend_ doin' with Eren?!"

 _Ah!_

I purse my lips and think. How do I explain this to him? The situation is weird enough as it is. No matter how you look at it, it's messed up. Besides, he saw those two. Of course he knows something's up. I can't just make up an excuse and convince him otherwise. My uncle is too sharp for that.

So, with an exasperated sigh I decide to go with the truth.

"When Hange visited Shiganshina last November, Levi also came with them."

Uncle Kenny stares at me with disbelief. "You didn't tell me anythin' about it!"

"I didn't think it was necessary ", I say with my eyes downcast. "It's not like he was here to meet us or anything. We just happened to be in the same place at the same time. Besides, you get worked up for nothing every time you hear so much as his name."

"I don'! I could care less about an uncaring brat like him!"

"You do, uncle. Don't try to deny what I can obviously see", I reply with a sigh. "Anyway, so that's when he met Eren. And… Eren's been sort of smitten with him ever since."

I didn't think the day will ever come when I'll see my uncle struggle with what to say. He's always so sure of himself and acting like he knows everything; it's actually quite hard to make him shut up. So when I see him open his mouth to say something, then close it, then open again, and repeat the same process several times, all without being able to produce a single word, that's quite a rare sight for me.

"Wha–Whatcha mean smitten?!" he finally manages to find his voice. "He's twice Eren's age! Not to mention he's got a daughter!"

I say nothing.

"Don't tell me! He's forcing the Jaeger brat, ain't he?!" he starts pacing back and forth in the dining hall. "I knew it!"

"Uncle", I say loud enough for him to stop his movement and look at me curiously. "Nobody's forcing anyone. In fact, Levi started discouraging Eren's advances as soon as he learned he's underage. Stop assuming things on your own."

Uncle Kenny looks like he's having a hard time breathing. Honestly, I feel kinda bad to dump all of this on him so suddenly.

"It don' make no sense!" he's hissing furiously now. "Why would Eren–?!"

"Fall for him, huh?" I finish the rest of his sentence, then exhale loudly. "Eren thought he was younger. By the time he knew he was already in too deep. But then again, I guess there really is no way of telling who you're gonna fall for. Maybe he would've fallen even if he knew."

"Mika", I raise my head hearing his tone. "Eren's still a kid. He don' know what he's doin'."

"Eren is not a kid, uncle. He's turning 18 tomorrow."

He huffs. "That don' make him stand on the same ground as Levi, does it? Eren's far too young to become an equal partner for someone like him."

"I won't argue with you, because you are right in your position", I say quietly. "But what you said – don't you think it depends on the two people concerned?"

What am I saying? Wasn't I the one telling Eren to forget about Levi until now? Then why am I defending him?

"Mika–"

"I know it's unusual", I cut him off. I need to say this. "And I'm not saying that if it did happen, it would end happily. No one can guarantee that. But– But I _saw_ them today… and… and even though Levi's already rejected him, I think… I think this is something more than just a fleeting emotion… for both of them. I mean, he came all the way from Stohess for him. And– And you saw the change in Eren after he came, didn't you?!"

I pause, feeling out of breath.

"Even Armin and I couldn't do what that man did just by being here", my voice lowers into a whisper. "He gave Eren a purpose. A will to move ahead."

Uncle Kenny stares at me for a long moment.

"You okay with this, kid?"

The question catches me off guard. Am I okay? And okay with what actually? Eren is vulnerable right now. He's in a position where he needs someone to protect him from the painful reminders, to comfort him, to keep him strong. And he's chosen Levi to be that someone. Am I okay with his choice? Well, I surely would've been happier if he'd decided to lean on me or Armin instead of that guy. And it's not personal. I'd have felt the same if it was anyone else in his place. But what I feel isn't of importance here. Eren chose Levi.

Not me. Not Armin. Levi.

Well, that shorty had better do something worthwhile. I will punch him in the face if I find out he's taking advantage of Eren in any way.

Eren is one of those very few people who are close to me, who accepted me as I am without calling me arrogant or self-centered. He protected and comforted me when I needed a friend the most. I look up to him as a dear friend, as family even. Am I bothered by the fact that he's attracted to another person? No. But am I uncomfortable with him relying on someone else more than me?

… Maybe.

"Yes", I finally reply. Yes, I am okay with Eren choosing Levi over us.

 _Only as long as it means he is happy._

* * *

 _ **~Levi Ackerman~**_

" _Colors are very powerful, Levi."_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Yes! They have the ability to express. To give meaning to something. To form words out of nothing. And when a single color outshines all the others, engulfing everything around it with numerous shades of itself, it possesses the power to influence the whole environment around it."_

" _Like how we associate winter with gray or faded colors?"_

" _Exactly! And summer is expressed as bright and vibrant, like yellow or orange. There are a lot of examples. Like… when we think of pain, we imagine it blue. Or… we see strength in red and purity in white."_

" _Sounds interesting when you put it that way."_

" _It is interesting! Our brain subconsciously picks up on these things and tunes our mind in a way that if we are exposed to the abundance of monochrome, our emotions sync with it spontaneously. White soothes us. Yellow gives us energy. Green promises a new beginning."_

" _Then what about black?"_

" _Black… black tells us to grieve."_

Sweet and beautiful Petra. Always so curious and observant about the world.

I wonder why I'm remembering her all of a sudden. Maybe because this the first time I'm attending a funeral after hers. Or maybe… because the manifestation of her words is in front of me right now.

Black.

The color of death.

A single color influencing the whole environment around it.

Known and unknown faces, all clad in formal attire of that very same color, standing side by side. It's quiet, except for the soft murmur of the guests. The power of black intensified by those gloomy looks and absence of words. Which is why even this sunny spring afternoon seems dark and sad. And smells of death.

A gathering to share pain. To connect. To comfort each other. Something that should be reserved only for the closest ones. But of course, the society begs to differ. As with any other case, it pokes its nose in here too, and demands that this occasion be shared beyond just the closest circle.

I look around, eyes searching for a certain someone. There he is. Wearing the proper clothes a son should be wearing on his father's funeral. Standing beside his mother and greeting each and every guest with perfect manner.

But… everything else about him is wrong!

The green in his eyes seems to have lost its golden spark. They look dull and subdued. And lifeless. The usual cheery grin is replaced with a polite smile, something which is forced and so obviously fake that it hurts to even see him try.

This isn't the Eren I know. It's worse than a ghost of him.

I want to go over there and hold him, or at least do something to make those eyes brighter again. But that isn't my place. I'm neither a close relative, nor a family friend like Hange or those brats, Armin and Mikasa. And getting myself involved further will only make things more complicated for the both of us. I know. I know all that. And yet, I can't help the sharp pain in my chest when it's Mikasa who holds his hand, when it's Armin who stands by his side, when it's Hange who pats his head.

And my mind, my body, my whole being screams – _It should be me, me, me!_

So, with clenched fists and gritted teeth, I stand far from the crowd, leaning against a tree. A location that enables me to have a perfect view of Eren.

Yes, this is where I belong. Far from him. Where all I can do is watch.

Or… so I thought.

Of course, we're talking about Eren fucking Jaeger who seems to be hell bent on making me waver. Because just as I'm trying my hardest to bury all these irrational emotions and close myself off, he raises his head and starts looking around. And I know I'm doomed the moment those weirdly beautiful emerald eyes lock with mine and the familiar brightness returns to them for a split second.

 _It's me! I'm the one who can give him the support he needs to go ahead!_

No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, those stupid words keep echoing inside my head. Like a fucking tape recorder!

So before things get worse and I end up doing something I'll regret, I leave.

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay! So this was mostly based on the Ackermans. We know how closed off both Mikasa and Levi are. It's tough to get an idea of what's going on inside their heads from their usual behavior or conversation. So I decided to delve in a bit deeper and focus on the inner conflict in their minds. To see the characters from a more intimate perspective we need to be in their shoes. That's what I'm trying to accomplish here.

I'll try to update sooner this time XP And the next chapter will be more Ereri focused. So, wait for meeee! XD


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